THE VEGAS STYLE GUY

AB FAB IS BACK! FULL EPISODE HERE!!

2011-12-26T23:43:00.000-08:00

No matter what you may have heard, the characters Patsy and Edina are NOT, Moi Repeats, NOT based on Moiself and Moi's eternal bestie, one Nelson Tunon of the Sherman Oaks Tunons.

Au contraire.

Or whatever the Frogs say when they aren't in full retreat mode.

Regardless of what outfit the zaftig Edina may squeeze herself into, or, how many close scrapes with the gendarmes of various countries Nelson may just escape, we are NOT the reason Ab Fab and Patsy and Edina exist.

If we were you can bloody well be sure we'd be in the courts of England at this very moment demanding our pound of quids or whatever they call their filthy lucre over their.

Of course that would require Moi ignoring that silly little annoyance in Moi's paasport that says something about not being "allowed in Her Majesty's Kingdom".

Ever.

Again.

Really.

I swear.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

Well.

After far too long. And just in time for Nelsons' (I believe he's claiming) 41st birthday (again), AB FAB IS BACK!

And lucky vous, you can watch the latest leaked epi right aqui!

Grab a bottle of your chilliest and prepare to take a trip down memory lane right past your future!

Moi presentez Vous, ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!!!

The Videodrome Discothèque Vault Presents: The New Absolutely Fabulous Episode!!! from Videodrome Discothèque on Vimeo.

How To Tie A Bow Tie with Michael From STITCHED

2011-11-08T22:34:00.000-08:00

Moi is forever trying to learn how to tie a Bow Tie. Recently, I stopped into my fave fashion establishment, STITCHED at The Comopolitan and had Michael do his best to teach me how to do what should be a rather simple thing.

Should be.

Well, Michael does the best at explaining this of anyone I have ever seen, and yet, I STILL can't do it!

Good Luck!

STITCHED
The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas
3708 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2011-10-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

THE BIG YEAR

Starring: Jack Black, who I admit to finding oddly hot. Owen "Always up and down, never across" Wilson. Steve Martin, who hasn't been interesting since he started taking himself seriously in '79. Rashida Jones, who is light enough to totally be the 21st Century Jennifer Beals white boy fantasy hot colored chick.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: What are these movies ALWAYS about? Somebody met someone at "an industry function", said, "man, I really love your work, we should really do something together", only to be reminded by whomever the low man on the totem pole is "people" the following Monday about the "verbal commitment". Shit. Another Steve Martin /Owen Wilson/ Jack Black movie. Shit.

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: I am sorry, but, these prepackaged "Guy" films leave my nuts in need of an extra layer of fur, i.e. COLD. The only thing this one is missing is Billy Crystal in a "poignant, uncredited, scene stealing turn as Martins' down on his luck therapist / Jack Black's Jewish uncle with Alzheimers / Owen Wilson's coke dealer.

Blech.

ABDUCTION:

STARRING: Taylor "I'm hot but not very good at this acting thing" Lautner and some white girl.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: You have to ask? This is a vehicle to wring every ounce of Lautner's hot status amongst the Smells Like Teen Spirit crowd into a fistful of dollars. Have you seen the previews? If only Pee Wee Herman had been hot, the places he could have gone... Lautner whines his way through the lines in the trailer in such an annoying way I almost couldn't notice his insanely hot bits of boy/man chewy goodness.

But. I digress.

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: Sitting through 90 minutes of Taylor Lautner in anything other than "Virgin Twink Hookers of Prague" is just not my idea of an evening.

WHAT'S YOUR NUMBER?

STARRING: That one white girl I really liked in that one movie that made me laugh so hard that I almost ruptured my spleen and farted.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: This is totally some crazy premise. Evidently, home chick has had like twice the national average of sexual partners (10.5) and now, she's afraid no one will ever want her cooch long enough to marry her.

Okay. On what planet is 10.5 the national average for sexual partners? That's a decent weekend in Weho. Is this why straight guys are always so freakin' horned up all the time. They can't get any poonielicious? Is 10.5 is the national average, well, I must be.... uh...what are you looking at? Don't judge me!

DOLPHIN TALE

STARRING: A disabled Dolphin (Newt Gingrich in an "Oscar Calling!" wide screen debut) and Morgan Freeman (of course it stars Morgan Freeman). Ashley "The Least Crazy" Judd.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Gingrich, having finally realized that his chances at getting the keys to the front door of The White House are as remote as Marcus Bachman not popping a chubby during a UFC match, makes his screen debut as a Sea Mammal without a tail who faced with a life of no longer being a star attraction at Sea World, decides to be a drug courier for Freeman's "Big Daddy Monster Cane".

Judd is the pretty, yet lethal, DEA agent assigned to bring down Freeman before he can get his new drug, "MoFo" to the streets of Provo through a massive tunnel he is building from the Baja coast.

It could happen.

Judd befriends Gingrich (they once had a thing when she was training dolphins for the mission to kill Gaddafi during Bush II.) and gets him to turn against Big Daddy in an anti-climatic Michael Bay inspired showdown at a Sushi restaurant in Reno.

Okay, so I made this up. BUT. It's no more ludicrous than Newt "You got cancer? I've got a new girlfriend! What luck!" Gingrich ever being the next President.

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: Dolphins are for Sushi.

Downtown Las Vegas: The Beat

2011-10-22T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Where everybody knows your name..."

If you have ever heard the theme song from "Cheers" and got that warm et fuzzy feeling then you will feel right at home at the only cool coffeehouse / hang in Las Vegas, "The Beat."

I have yet to settle down for a spot of work here and not run into everyone.

Who. Is. Anyone.

Really. I swear.

From politicians to local starlets (Hello Princess Ann!), this is the place to sit back and watch the world go by Vegas style. I could come here for the people watching alone, however, where else can you also decide to throw some Rolling Stones or "Thank God It's Friday" on the record player (NOT JUKEBOX! Thank you very much!) while you are munching on some of the house specialties and discussing the state of everything?

With everyone.

I ask?

So.

Let's get down to the munchables. Shall we?

We shall.

My own personal fave is the Croque Monsieur, a delicious, cheesy bit of perfection. Let's be honest here, you slap some dead pig on a crunchy bread and smother it in tangy cheese and you have this chubbette in your hands like a Kardashian in front of a camera.

Smitten.

You can pretty much order anything here and be more than happy. Most everyone I know loves the "Slap & Tickle."

Oh. Stop. Dirty minds are the Devils bocce ball court.

"Slap & Tickle" is The Beat's own little take on the classic Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Well. After you add Bacon and Jalapenos.

You do add Bacon and Jalapenos. Don't you?

Well. Now. You. Will.

Owners, Jennifer and Michael Cornthwaite are what one might call "Downtown Royalty". Much like their counterparts further south in the Downtown Arts District (officially the "18b District" but I can't stand that name. Sounds like it's trying to hard to be Austin. Or someplace with good public transportation.) have been flying the Downtown flag for years and years before local politicians decided it was a good applause line to tout "the revitalization of Downtown" (spare me.). The Beat is located in the much larger "Emergency Arts Center" where, especially on the weekends, you are bound to find everything from great art, vintage LP's (it's a vinyl disc that makes music magically appear.), art, fashion and even a fancy hairdresser and hip production company.

I believe in airline terms, it's a "hub".

Of cultura.

Hints:

Get a table near the window if you want to be left alone. You won't be, but, you will look dramatic and rather Zelda Fitzgerald sitting by the window in an Edward Hopper sorta way. When your friends see you, the first thing they will think is, "they've taken up reading." Or some such flattery.

Park at The El Cortez. But. Make sure you walk through the casino to The Beat just across the street.

Why? Well, I said so. Oh, you need a reason? Fine. because it is the coolest place on the planet!

Okay?

Block at least two hours to be there and expect to stay longer. Once you settle in, you may never want to leave. Me? I take my meetings there. Back to back. I have gone from early am to sundown sitting my life away in my Zelda table many a day.

It's that cool.

Oh yeah.

They have coffee too.

THE BEAT
520 Fremont St
Ste 101
Las Vegas, NV 89101
(702) 409-5563
www.thebeatlv.com

Hours:
Mon-Fri 7 am - 12 am
Sat 9 am - 12 am
Sun 9 am - 5 pm
Takes Reservations: No
Accepts Credit Cards: Yes
Parking: Garage, Street, Valet
Attire: Casual
Good for Groups: Yes
Good for Kids: No
Price Range: $
Delivery: No
Take-out: Yes
Waiter Service: No
Outdoor Seating: No
Wi-Fi: Free
Good For: Lunch
Music: Juke Box
Best Nights: Fri, Thu, Sat
Happy Hour: Yes
Alcohol: Beer & Wine Only
Smoking: No
Coat Check: No
Noise Level: Average
Good For Dancing: No
Ambience: Hipster, Casual
Has TV: No
Wheelchair Accessible: Yes

What's This Thing Called Holsteins And Why Did I Ever Eat There?

2011-06-24T18:35:00.001-07:00

Moi J'adores The Cosmopolitan.

It is chic in a totally non-fussy way. There is ample seating which is a rarity in Las Vegas and unheard of on Le Strip. The art is funky and world class. All in all, The Cosmopolitan is exactly what this burgh has needed for a long time. A hip and urbane place that locals can dig even while surrounded by Tourist Girls in Sausage Casing Skank Dresses.

Did I mention, J'adore The Cosmopolitan?

Well. I do.

Fuckin' Holsteins, on the other hand, should be 86'd from The Cosmo as it drags down the property like that fat dude Sandra Bullock was married to at a Bat Mitzvah.

Way total bummer.

So.

Me and The Bestie decided to sashay over to The Cosmo to check out the "secret Pizza place". Upon entering Moi decides it isn't quite what I am looking for at the moment.

I say, "let's go to Holsteins."

Cue ominous music.

"Don't go in the basement White girl!"

My first clue as to where the evening would be going was when we were greeted by the hostess. About 12, she was dressed in a dowdy outfit that looked like nuns forced her to wear it due to the itchy underbits that kept a tortured grimace on her innocent, Squirrel in the headlights face.

"Um, we're, um, really, um busy. It's like a hour wait, un, I think. But, you can eat in the waiting, bar sorta area."

Okaaay.

So.

We sat and waited for our waitress.

Who knew we could have read the first three chapters of a Suze Orman book in the time it took for our server to arrive?

Who. Knew.

So.

The Bestie loves dark meat.

But.

That's a whole 'nother story.

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah.

He orders a "WELL DONE" whatever Burger. I order the Kimchee thingee Medium Rare. We were asked what kind of fries we wanted? I said the chip things and I forget what The Bestie ordered. It would turn out to matter. Later.

We also ordered two of their signature Milk Shakes. Lactose intolerant Negro that I am, I still could not resist two of my favorite fat boy things combined, booze and Ice Cream! They were all right. In fact, they were the best thing about this whole Gawdawful, I'd rather be sitting through an endless loop of "Trog" starring Joan Crawford during her "A Bitch needs a job, ok?" period, Holsteins experience.

About 3 hrs later the server..oh, wait, did I mention this was like the third server we had seen by this point?

Didn't I?

Silly Me.

"W-T-F!" screeched the bestie.

Rememember, he had ordered "WELL DONE!" This looked like one of those partial birth abortions that Republicans are always going on about.

Umbilical cord and all.

Really. I swear.

Now. It gets GOOD.

Our server (like #15 at this point) had the temerity to say with a straight face to The Bestie who was bugged out by all the blood in front of him, "That's our version of 'WELL DONE!'"

Really?

No, seriously?

It's a good thing Sally Field didn't have to go up against this Bitch when they were casting for Norma Rae. That would have been an Oscar she would never have put on her commode shelf. The utter sincerity with which she said it was Gobsmackingly audacious and worthy of not only an Oscar, but, the ultimate glory, A GOLDEN GLOBE!

So.

I said "you need to take that back and burn it." Server #15 started away. "Um, excuse me, but, you need to take mine as well", says Moi. "Why?" says #15. "Because I don't want to be eating my food while he has none."

At this point #15 is truly going for for the triple crown, she's going to add an EMMY!

Daytime.

"What's wrong with that?"

Why nothing.

Nothing at all.

If you were born of Lesbian Wolves.

Who the hell would eat in front of a fellow diner for Gawd only knows how long it was going to take while whomever brought back The Besties burger?

As. If.

So.

Along comes, I kid you not, servers #16 AND #17! Two pimple faced kids who looked like they just won a bad acid trip to Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory on "Underwear Night". Guess what they brought us? No. Really. Guess.

Give up?

Two entirely wrong burgers.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I JUST BROUGHT OUT WHAT THEY GAVE ME!", said Wednesday Adams. "I'M JUST A RUNNER!", said Bobby Brady as he sulked away.

"What's the problem?" It was #15. Yet. Again.

"Well, other than your Kansas City Bomber attitude" I silently thought in my grade school Russian, "these burgers are BOTH wrong."

Eyes rolled as she snatched the plates up and shoved them at Wednesday with a gruff send off to whatever table they were meant for not knowing whether or not I had flavored them with Coke boogers, or whatever.

FINALLY, we got the burgers we ordered correctly cooked.

They were OK.

Just.

THEN.

The bill arrived.

I have never wanted to see a bill so badly in my entire life.

Well. At least one that I was paying. Trust. MANY times I have been glad to see a bill arrive, but, that's because a wrinkly old white hand covered in liver spots would finally have something to do other than trying fondle me whilst I simply wanted to enjoy my Creme Brulee.

That Tyler Brulee guy is sorta hot.

But. I digress.

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah. The fucking bill.

After 17 servers and what seemed like enough time to give a coffee enema to the Ed Hardy wearing tourists next to us, the bill was $65!

So. It took SIX burgers to get the order right. Those "what kind of fries would you like?" were not what came with the burger. Oh. No. They were extra. The shakes while good had come at the cost of a meal that SOMEHOW added up to about three times what I would normally want to pay IF it had come through a window with a Clowns head attached. If only.

So.

I wrote quite a little letter on the "How Did We Do?" card.

Stop.

"How Did We Do?"

Are you fucking kidding me? Did Pol Pot give out such cruel cards after a "visit"?

I wrote all over that thing and sent it back WITH my card to pay for this little bit of no reason for cows to have died for.

Oh, yes I did.

And you know what happened?

They committed the Ultimate Las Vegas Sin.

No. Not signing Shania Twain for a long term run. She's got like two songs and a bad divorce, am I right?

No.

Worse.

No manager came out to see if "something was wrong?" No anything taken off the bill. No care whatsoever that a customer was NOT a happy camper.

Nada. Zilch. Bupkus (or however you spell that).

Just "give us your money and Sod Off!"

Numerous calls and Tweets later, still, NOTHING.

So.

If you are simply dying for a burger.

On a desert island.

With Rush Limbaugh.

And a branch of Holsteins.

Eat Rush.

At least you might get a Viagra boner.

The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas
3708 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109

Holsteins
Who Gives a crap.

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2011-06-24T00:13:00.000-07:00

SUPER 8

Starring: A bunch of White people and some chubby kid (I'm sure).

What It's About: I really don't care.

Why I won't Be Seeing It: I have seen three Spielberg movies and they came to a total of 37 hours.

Really. I swear.

I know. I know. Stevie ist der Wunderkind and he makes "MOVIES!". Well, I only have so much time left on this earth and it is not to be spent with my (substantial) butt cheeks buzzing with the pain of hour upon hour of an extended Spielbergian Un Petit Mort.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

Starring: Oh Gawd No! Jim Carrey and whomever else is watching their career die as slowly as arteries hardening at a Bakersfield Marie Callenders because they are in a Jim Carrey movie. Oh yeah, there's a bunch of midgets in Tuxedos.

All right! "Little Fucking People".

What It's About: Seriously? It's a "Jim Carrey Movie". It's about the direct correlation between the arc of a sketch comedians career and the Hindenberg. Ever so pretty sailing across the Atlantic..and then..."OH, THE HUMANITY!"

Cue Robin Williams, Chevy Chase and every other person who has ever made it from The Improv to Lankersheim Blvd.

Honestly, rent something truly worthy of the name "Cinema" May I suggest "Ace Bigelow: Male Gigolo"?

The Green Lantern

Starring: This years "Hot Young Hunk!" It really doesn't matter who he is as he will be gone soon enough. Too bad Aaron Spelling is dead.

Isn't it?

What It's About: A spider bites the "Hunk" and because he was wanking off in his mom's basement to Japanese Anime at the time, he gets radioactive Spider Syphillis and has to wear an ugly green outfit while fighting Big Pharma for low cost drugs to cure him of the gift that keeps on giving.

Or somesuch.

Why I Won't Be Seeing It: I didn't see that movie with the Blue people and I will not sit through a Green person movie.

So. There.

HEAVEN IS BACK AND EDUARDO CORDOVA PRESENTS IT!

2011-04-30T16:04:00.000-07:00

I've never been to Moscow.

I've never been to Shanghai.

I have been to Tijuana.

But we don't talk about that anymore.

By order of the Border Patrol.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

I have been to HEAVEN!

Ok look, I already told you we can't talk about T.J.!

I'm talking about HEAVEN, the best ever club in the history of the known LGBT universe in Las Vegas!

Of course it is an "Eduardo Cordova Presents" affaire! That's Francais for Hella Good Ass Partay!

Well.

The best dimples North of The Rio Grande is bringing back HEAVEN for the summer of '11! Yes, Heeeeee's Baaaaack!

Only this summer it is going to be even mas slammin' than ever before!

Ho,w you may ask.

I said you may.

Ask.

Duh.

Here's how.

Bitch.

Of course HEAVEN is back at the BARE POOL at The Mirage!

Of. Course.

At tonight's Le Opening Grande E to The C will be serving up a special performance by Erika Jayne!

In addition, Super Duper Star DJ Chris Cox will be whirling the jams to make the dance floor rock like a big girl!

Did I mention that dancefloor is is suspended on plexiglass over the pool at BARE?

Really.

I swear.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MAS!

We're being INVADED Y'ALL!

And that's a good thing!

Steve Machuca & Woody Woddbeck (I swear I didn't make that name up!) are bringing us a Bus Load of "California Boys" from West Hollywood!

Yum. Imported fresh meat!

Uh, I mean, fun tourist dudes.

Yeah. That's what I meant.

Well.

Aren't you all fired up?

Aren't you?

Of course you are.

Silly.

HEAVEN happens TONIGHT at the BARE Pool at The Mirage starting at 1030pm and ending when you see the 1,500th American Apparel Deep V-Neck T-shirt.

Obviously I don't have to get on the guest list, but, you really should drop an internet thingee to Ivanvegas@ymail.com and get on his list to make sure you and yours are there to enjoy the hottest night in the LGBT, HEAVEN!

HEAVEN AT THE BARE POOL
THE MIRAGE RESORT AND CASINO
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

Think YOU'RE The Gay BFF? Find Out Tonight At "Closet Sundays"!

2011-04-24T16:31:00.000-07:00

Well.

As any regular reader of my stream of consciousness ramblings on Style and The Glamorous Life knows, Moi only comes out of my Lair during the late night for one person.

No, not Johnny Walker.

Bitch.

No, not Kim Kardashian.

I only like the fat one and the soon to be bulimic new sister.

Moi only comes out during DUI checkpoint time for the most adorable promoter in the LV.

EDUARDO CORDOVA!

Really.

I swear.

Well.

Tonight everyone's favorite eye candy behind a velvet rope is hosting a totally new contest!

You know how I just love a contest.

Well.

As long as there isn't a swimsuit portion.

Or congeniality.

I am more the type to put pepper in your bikini bottom than make friends backstage.

Where was I?

Oh.

Yes.

So.

Tonight Mr. Dimples from Cutiepie Land Cordova is having a contest to see who is THE Gay BFF!

As I mentioned previously, I am NOT the one, so I have decided to not try for this crown.

But.

Others have. A MUCH nicer bunch than Moiself.

They are:

Benjamin Bradley
Brandon Pereyda
Johnny Espinosa
Chris Saldana
Patrick Chan
Ethan Carvalho
Andy Du Bois
Armando Macias
Jake Callotta
Jorge Garcia-Solorio
Ivan Rodriguez
Jorge Martinez Schwarzbeck
and
Jonathan Morgan

It seems that the premise is whomever brings the most friends to CLOSET SUNDAYS tonight will receive the following:

WINNER TO RECEIVE:
ONE NIGHT STAY AT THE MIRAGE
DINNER FOR 2 AT STACK
COMP BOTTLE AT ANY LIGHT GROUP LGBT EVENT

Woo.

Hoo.

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MORE!

Did you doubt?

In addition to the spectacle of seeing all of those Gays making niceee to win a night in a room that doesn't charge by the hour, there will be a SPECIAL PERFORMANCE BY LADY KIMORA!

Oooh.

Weee.

As always there will be Le Specials Du Potato Juice.

That's VODKA!

Keep up.

Something called "COORS" is also on special.

Hmm, does one drink that with an umbrella?

Olives?

Whatevers.

I'm sure it's tasty when it's on special.

What isn't?

For those of you who are not me (and most of you aren't), you can call 702-693-8300 to get on the guest list.

You can also follow Eduardo (No, not from behind you little perv.) at Twitter Freak! Simply click in @EDUARDOPRESENTS.COM on your internet machine.

You do know that box is good for things other than Porn?

Don't you?

Eww.

TEXT "CLOSET" TO 25827 FOR UPDATES AND OFFERS ON ALL CLOSET SUNDAY EVENTS!

The party starts at 10pm and ends when I have to tell you to get rid of your boyfriend.

Closet Sundays
The Mirage Resort & Casino
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

Why are you still here?

Shouldn't you be practicing your moves in front of the mirror?

No. Not THAT move!

The one you can do on a dance floor!

Puta.

LADY KIMORA

SORDID LIVES TONIGHT! FREE SCREENING!

2011-04-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

We become intimate with the "Sordid Lives" of a family in a small Texas town preparing for the funeral of the mother. Among the characters are the grandson trying to find his identity in West Hollywood, the son who has spent the past twenty-three years dressed as Tammy Wynette, the sister and her best friend (who live in delightfully kitschy homes), and the two daughters (one strait-laced and one quite a bit looser).

The sreening is FREE and is followed by a lively discussion.

Sunday, April 24 · 6:00pm - 8:30pm TONIGHT!!!

Snacks, soda and beer are available for purchase.

Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Las Vegas 3616 Lake Mead Blvd. Las Vegas, NV 89115

HAVE U EVER SPENT A SUNDAY NITE WITH EDUARDO CORDOVA? ESTELLE WILL, TONIGHT!

2011-03-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

As you well know, Moi rarely leaves the comfy confines of The GayBoyClub in Ghetto Vallarta.

You do know. Correct?

It's about Moi, therefore, you should know.

Really.

I swear.

Life is sooo good at The GBC that one seldom sees the need to venture beyond the gated drive.

Seldom.

Well.

If there's one person who can always get moi to put on a wig hat and some high heel sneakers, it's E to the C.

You know silly, Eduardo Cordova!

As if there would be any other reason.

Ok, Cristiano Ronaldo would get me into my Prada.

But.

I digress.

TONIGHT!

Eduardo Cordova Presents is hosting one of the very few Divas more Divaliscious than Moiself.

ESTELLE!

Yes, the warbling dancefloor Diva will be in the hizzouse at JET Nightclub for SUNDANZE! This is yet another mucho funno baile from Eduardo Cordova Presents.

Yet. Another.

Miss Thang will be performing LIVE and DJ Michael Paul will be twisting knobs and burning vinyl in the muzak booth!

Yes.

You will wave your hands.

In the air.

I wave mine like I just don't care.

Don't try that at home kiddies.

You might hurt yourself.

The doors open at 10:30 and for those of you with more style than greenage, you can get in free until the hands on the tic toc are in the same place by emailing EDUARDOPRESENTS@GMAIL.COM .

Obviously Moi doesn't have to do that.

I was born on the guest list.

I'm. Jes. Sayin'.

Did you doubt?

What?

Did I mention that there will be Go Go's?

No, not Belinda or Jane.

Hot ones!

Why are you still reading this?

Shouldn't you be somewhere getting a Brazil wax?

Between your eyes.

That look only works in Tashkent.

EDUARDO CORDOVA PRESENTS
SUNDANZE @ JET Nightclub at The Mirage
3400 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109

To Reserve the VIP for you and your Mean Girls give a ringle to 702-792-7900 .

1030pm - until Linsday Lohan shows up (that's always the time to leave).

Follow Eduardo Cordova Presents on Twitter at @EDUARDOPRESENTS

Leather Couture Jewelry by Jessica Galindo

2011-03-17T13:58:00.000-07:00

Meet Jessica Galindo as she shows you her jewelry collection, "Leather Couture by Jessica Galindo". The prices are way affordable! I have bought and given away scads of her line!

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2011-02-20T09:26:00.000-08:00

JUSTIN BIEBER IN 3D

STARRING: Lesbian Pop Star Justin Bieber and various older Black Hip Hop stars.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: The rise of 3D Lesbian Tweener focused cinema and a really annoying haircut that will come back to haunt millions of High School yearbook pictures.

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: Is it even legal for me to look at Justin Beiber? Let alone in 3D!

THE NEW JENNIFER ANISTON MOVIE

STARRING: Jennifer Aniston

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Jennifer Aniston

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: Jennifer Aniston

SANCTUM

STARRING: Some White people.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: James Cameron's Colombian connection calls in a long ago never paid for order of crude, two kilos to be exact, and wants Cameron to produce "this leetle screept Yo has beeeen working on", or else.

Ok.

Maybe that's not how it happened.

Maybe Linda Hamilton (Camerons' ex) lawyered up and wanted to add to her half a billion dollar divorce settlement and Arnold wasn't yet out of the Guvvie Mansion ,so, he threw this together to keep her in pool boys?

Maybe?

I HATE James Cameron movies that do not include Linda Hamilton.

End of discussion.

Good day Sir.

I said good day!

ANOTHER YEAR

STARRING: Some old White people I have never heard of but I don't get to indie film fests in Sheboygan much.

Anymore.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Depression. Alcoholism. Growing old not so gracefully. Death. Tortured familial ties. Did I mention depression?

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: If I wanted to pay $10.95 and up to see a movie that makes me have to choose between slitting my wrists (Always up and down. Never across. Across is for Sorority girls.) and begging God to just make the boredom hurry up and kill me, I'd rent the complete "Swedish Film For Dummies" boxed set.

WHO OWNS SUNDAYS ON THE STRIP? ONLY THE BEST DIMPLES EVER! EDUARDO CORDOVA PRESENTS: SUNDANZE!

2011-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

I have dimples.

If we're not dating you'll never see them.

If we are dating you'll never see them.

I have perfected backing out of a room post amorous activity.

Perfected.

No one needs to see that.

Eduardo Cordova's dimples are there for everyone to see and you don't have to be dating him.

No. He's not a slut.

Really.

I swear.

E to the C's dimples are on his adorable little mug.

And.

Tonight you can see them at his raging club SUNDANZE at JET!

Yup.

The King of Sunday nights is back and partnering on the hottest Sunday night sweatfest in town with the legendary Jeffrey Sanker at JET Nightclub.

You know Jeffrey don't you?

He taught you how to wave your hands in the air.

I wave mine like I just don't care.

Yes.

Now you remember.

Yeah, this aint your first time on the circuit.

Bitch.

Maybe he's on GRINDR?

Tonight's Boite is a Go Go filled night of Aural sex and the one and only Kat De Luna!

The. One.

And. Only.

Recognize.

Don't make me "Whine Up" on yo ass.

The Muzak will be spun round and round by DJ's Wayne G and Roger Gangi.

Loud.

The partay starts at 1030pm and ends when I have to tell you Yo tracks are showing.

Wanna know more?

Duh.

Of course you do.

Of. Course. You. Do.

BUY TICKETS NOW!
http://lightgroup.com/sundanze/

FOR RESERVATIONS CALL 702-792-7900
DOORS @ 10:30PM | SHIRTS OFF!

SPECIAL ROOM RATES: CALL 1-800-627-6667
PROMO CODE: SUNDANZE

SUNDANZE - MONTHLY DANCE EVENT - INSIDE JET NIGHTCLUB
VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTag-wMaRlo

WWW.EDUARDOPRESENTS.COM
FOLLOW US ON TWITTER@EDUARDOPRESENTS

FACEBOOK.COM/JET-NIGHTCLUB

OFF THE STRIP WORTH THE TRIP: THE JUKE JOINT

2011-02-20T08:29:00.000-08:00

Welcome to The Juke Joint.

Understand that this is like being at your Grandmas house.

Everything is made to order and it will take 20-30 minutes to get your food and something will probably be forgotten. There are only plastic forks and Styrofoam dinnerware.

If you are a snob, you're screwed.

I broke up with a guy because all he did was complain the entire time he was here about how "Ghetto" it was. The Juke Joint is not "Ghetto", it's like a real Southern Place that you find on a road trip and can't wait to get back to.

The decor is really cute and quaint with Kente Cloth colors and photos of Black heroes sprinkled about the place. Even the bathroom is charming with commandments and funny sayings sprinkled about.

The Cornish Hen with two sides is my fave here, but, it's only on Sundays and will probably be gone by the time you get here. If it's available, get it with Greens and Yams.

My other jammy jam is the Smothered Chicken (also includes two sides). I rock that with Black Eyed Peas and Mac & Cheese. The Mac & Cheese is GOOEY! Yes! I always just act a pig up in here and order the Yams as an extra as well.

The Gumbo is hella good, but, the portion is tiny (because it's SO good) and you really want two or three bowls.

Other than the food what's the best part about the Juke Joint? The prices! The specials are in the $10.95 range and the Gumbo is around $6. Three of us ate full meals with doggy bags and it came to less than $45!

Wash it all down with some Koolaid (Red) and The Juke Joint will be your joint for authentic Soul Food.

2362 Lexington Street, Las Vegas, NV 89106-2206
(702) 647-4411 ‎

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2011-01-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

SEASON OF THE WITCH

STARRING: Nicholas Cage, Sharron Angle, some foreign white people who don't belong to any actors unions.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Fresh off her losing election bid, Sharron Angle stars in a role close to her heart. She's a woman accused of being a witch.

No!

Accused?

As if.

No need to tie her to a chair and dip her in water. I can just tell you the answer to that accusation.

But.

No one ever listens to me.

Never.

So.

Along comes Nicholas Cage.

Do you really care why?

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: I know that you're thinking it's because of Sharron Angle.

Nope.

To be perfectly honest.

I always am.

Perfectly honest.

Really.

I swear.

To be perfectly honest.

We were weren't we?

If not. Let's start.

Nicholas Cage will accept any movie role that involves a foreign country and payment in small bills.

When Octomom FINALLY makes her porn you can bet it will star Nick Cage and be filmed in a former socialist republic.

For $27.50.

American.

Oh. Yeah.

One more reason I won't be seeing it.

Sharron Angle is in it.

THE DILEMMA

STARRING: Vince Vaughn, that fat guy who used to be on that show with the Scientology chick and Winona "Excuse me Miss, can you please open your purse?" Ryder.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT: Judging by the trailer. Uh. Well. Um....

WHY I WON'T BE SEEING IT: One word. Swingers.

With one movie, Vince Vaughn ruined Silverlake. A little fun and decrepit neighborhood just East of Little Armenia, Silverlake used to be full of funky people and slutty Gay guys who stumbled from scuzzy leather bar to scuzzy leather bar.

Ok, I'm talking about me.

Don't judge me.

I was thin.

And THEN.

Vince Vaughn made a movie, "Swingers", that pre-dated the era of Le Douche and singlehandedly ruined Silverlake by showing just how cool it WAS.

Within two years, skinny straight boys in dumb hats were stumbling from straight bar to straight bar looking for slutty girls.

And I was out of a job.

Don't judge me.

Oh. Yeah. One. More. Thing.

I had a New Years Eve party in Silverlake once and a skinny white girl was there.

My Swatch watch came up missing.

I still can't get a straight answer about where Wynona Ryder was that night.

EVEN CRAZY NEEDS A SPACKLE NOW AND THEN or IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT BY LIPSTICK ON A PIG?

2011-01-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

Just when the world seemed back to normal.

It’s baaaaack!

Not Snooki.

Though she is back with a whole new drunken season of mirth and arrests at the Jersey Shore.

Not The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Though they are back with faces that don’t move and husbands that do (is Camille a punk Bitch or what?).

No.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in to the brackish water that is Nevada politics, along comes the scariest fish that’s ever crawled out of the upper reaches of the Truckee River.

Sharron “Remember me Pablito ,or, are you Quan Lee?” Angle IS BAAAAACK!

And this time……………she’s got a spackle brush!

Zut Alors! Quelle not cute!

Quelle.

Yup, as hard as it is to believe, much like Nosferatu, La Angle is rebirthing herself as a Celebrity guest star at a Multi-Level Marketing, low rent, Mary Kay-esque makeup event in Downtown La Vegas!

I guess if you were wondering how many levels of Hell there really are, you now know.

There are MULTI-levels.

And on this level Sharron Angle is working the cosmetics counter at some sort of “has it come to this Gurl?” reality show on CMT.

Level one.

Right over there by the escalator leading to the bargain basement.

Down.

At this point I would normally just riff on some crazy ideas about what an invite to “Desperate Housewives: What The Fuck Happened?” would read like. Unfortunately, even my rapier wit and sardonic take on politics and life can’t possibly equal what the invite REALLY fuckin’ says.

To whit:

“Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!
She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily...
so can you!”

No. I. Can’t!

Remember the first time you saw “WTF” and wondered what that meant?

It means, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?”

So.

WTF?!?

Pinch me.

No. Not in a sexual way. I don’t like that.

Anymore.

Pinch me so I can make sure that I’m not dreaming that all of my dreams have not only come true, but, landed in my lap like a drunken hooker hitting the tiles in Charlie Sheen’s bathroom!

BLAP!

It gets better.

Really.

I swear.

“Please be our guest... you will be glad you did!

* Girlfriend time
* Chat with Sharron
* Learn some new make-up tips & techniques
* Find out about an amazing revolutionary
skin care line
(guaranteed to take 55% of your fine lines and wrinkles away in 8 weeks!) NO kidding!
* Free gift for all who attend
Sounds fun, right? I think so too!
See you there!”

Girlfriend time with La Loca?

Chat moments with The Child of The Corn from The Village of The Damned?

All this AND free grub, gift bags (NRA pot holders, please God!) and sharing makeup tips with the one woman I have NEVER ASSOCIATED with anything more glamorous than a tractor pull in Pahrump!

This is DELISH!

Sweet Jesus, what have I done to deserve this?

All of my fretting that Sharron “Why no, I am stupid. Thank you for asking.” Angle was going to come back all Mighty Mouse to save the day for the Nevada Tea Party has come to this?

A live infomercial that even Holly Madison probably said no to?

Aiyee, how bad is that if Holly turns your shit down?

She banged Heff!

Fret no more.

Sharron’s back and she’s just one of the girls next door!

From the last subdivision in Hell.

You KNOW you can’t miss this.

Can you?

Just in case:

An evening with Joni Rogers-Kante, Founder & CEO of
SeneGence International,
featuring Makeup & Skincare Experts Jeri Taylor-Swade & Amber London
and special guest
Sharron Angle, former candidate for US Senate
Friday night, Jan. 21, 2011
6:00 - 8:30 pm
Held at the beautiful, modern, Meet Conference Center
233 South 4th Street
Las Vegas, NV 89101
MeetLasVegasConventionCenter

See you there!

OFF THE STRIP WORTH THE TRIP: SATAY MALAYSIAN GRILLE

2011-01-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

So sick Moi has been lately.

Oy.

And.

Vey.

In addition to fighting off a cold could only be God's revenge for my years without a moral compass ('06-'09,) I am now also getting rid of the weight gained during my Glam period ('09-'10).

The extra 73lbs I managed to add to my already voluptuous frame is no longer cuddly.

It's just gross.

Of course I have figured out a way to satisfy my need for attention whilst losing copious amounts of flab.

Of course.

Moi is the new Gay face of TRIMCARE Medical Weight Loss program.

It was only a matter of time.

Sooner or later it was gonna be going all Jennifer Hudson or opening supermarkets in Henderson.

But, Holly Madison has that market all to herself.

Hmph.

So.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

I was fat, sick and hungry.

That brings us to Satay Malaysian Grille.

Really.

I swear.

As I lay reinterpreting the deathbed scene from Camille, The Candidate called and suggested I leave the confines of The GayBoyClub to find the nourishment I so obviously needed.

Whilst not effing up my diet.

Of course.

Well.

Nothing seemed more appealing than some flavorful and spicy Tom Yum soup ($9.50-12.50) at Satay Malaysian Grille.

Nothing.

Moi likes a place where everybody knows my name and Satay is that type of place. The whole vibe is laid back and friendly. You can roll in feeling your worst or be on a first date all shaved up and you're always treated like a friend regardless. And while the view of the parking lot isn't much, Satay does offer outdoor seating in addition to your normal dining room set up. My fave spot to chillax here is the ultra lounge looking area at the rear of the restaurant that's perfect for getting together with a group of friends to order everything on the appetizer menu over a few hours.

My goal was soup and the Tom Yum did not fail me. Unlike my not so fave, Lotus of Siam, the cooks here understand that spicy doesn't have to mean everyone at the table should be crying like a 16 year old at her eighth screening of Black Swan. I asked for it to be cooked at level 7 and it cleared my nose while still leaving my palate intact.

The Candidate ordered a big bowl of meaty Oxtail soup ($11.95) that had plenty of meat to keep him busy for the entire meal. Being the bad friend that he is, The Candidate also ordered probably my two favorite appetizers on Earth, Salt and Pepper Shrimp ($7.95) and Scallops wrapped in Bacon ($6.95).

I whipped out my Android Calorie Counter and got to figuring. Luckily, I was still way under my allotted calories for the day and therefore, Moi dived in like a Pimp at bus station.

The Shrimps are lightly coated and perfectly fried. The seasoning is exactly right. You taste the salt and pepper just enough to miss it as the taste disappears down your palate. The shrimp are as perfectly cooked as any fried shrimp ever has been. Delicate, yet firm enough that they don't break apart when you try and just eat a tiny bit at a time because you never want that plate to be empty.

The Scallops manage to be light and well cooked even while the Bacon is cooked exactly to the point where it still has a meaty texture and is also perfectly crispy. On two skewers of four, this concoction will be my first cheat day meal when I've finally hit my goal weight.

Of course I avoided the Roti bread with Curry dipping sauce($5.50) and Lumpia ($5.50) The Candidate also ordered. I'm nothing if not determined and strong of will. In my fat and I don't care days I've tasted both so I feel pretty safe telling you about them. The Roti is always a hit whenever I've hosted groups at Satay. The curry sauce is nice and light with a tiny bit of after kick. The Lumpia, on the other hand, is just like Lumpia everywhere. I will never understand what people see in Lumpia that is not made by someone's boyfriend's Mom.

Of course Satay has all of the usual vittles you would expect in a South East Asian restaurant and you're safe with anything you order. I will suggest that you let the kitchen decide for you and just enjoy the flavor ride. They also have a really great Happy Hour menu from 3-6pm everyday and big screen TV's if you wanna kick it with friends and watch "The Game" (I have no idea what that means).

SATAY MALAYSIAN GRILLE

Everyday: 11 a.m. - 11 p.m.
Late Night Friday & Saturday 2 a.m.+

SATAY Thai Bistro & Bar
3900 Paradise Rd, Suite N
Las Vegas, NV 89169

702-369-8788

www.sataylasvegas.com

PEOPLE THAT INTEREST ME

2011-01-17T20:13:00.000-08:00

PACO ALVAREZ (Because he can say "Museologist" and mean it)
HELENA BONHAM CARTER (Because she just doesn't give a bloody fuck)
EDUARDO CORDOVA (No one is nicer)
NATHANIEL PHILLIPS (The Activist Wears H&M and has written the new Vegas anthem)
KYLIE KARDASHIAN (Expanding the brand)
THE SITUATION (Have YOU turned your abs and bad haircuts into $$$?)
KELLY MCFARLANE-SMITH (She's a classy dame)
NAOMI AT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HQ (One day I'll need her to put a cigarette out on someone for me)
CHRISTINE KRAMER (Date nights in Vegas don't get any better)
ANGELA ESLER-WHELAN (She doesn't have to. But. She does)
MICHAEL CORNTHWAITE (Uh, when did he get all hot?)
SAM CHERRY (BadAss)
PAZ DE LA HUERTA (Because she returned a borrowed gown and seriously doesn't know how it got torn)
ADRIENNE MALOOF (Does she already have a Gay? I'm SO available)
WES MYLES (The OG Bitchez)

PEOPLE I HAVE NO INTEREST IN

2011-01-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

PEOPLE DON’T THAT INTEREST ME

HOLLY MADISON (Her “Gay” is REALLY annoying)
ROBIN LEACH (Still?!?)
THE HOMELESS GUY WITH THE VOICE IN REHAB (My surprise underwhelms me)
DJ PAULY D (Don’t get me wrong, I’d bang him)
ANYONE FROM MAD MEN (Enough already)
MARIAH CAREY (She is less annoying fat, but, still…)
CELEBRITY CHEFS (Dude, it’s not that serious)
WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH (Okay, God Hates Fags, but did you know that Jesus was a top?)
BRIAN SANDOVAL (Does he really interest anyone? I’m hoping a lame sex scandal soon)
RYAN SEACREST (Just doesn’t)
KIM KARDASHIAN (LOVE Khloe and the other one)
ANYONE ON GOSSIP GIRL (Line them all up side to side and you still don’t have three ounces of ass)

SUNDANZE WITH KELLY ROWLAND PRESENTED BY EDUARDO CORDOVA AT JET!

2011-01-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

If you know Moiself (and you do), you are aware that I only leave my lair for the best of the best.

Smashburger.

Movies with talking animals.

Red Carpets with D-List celebutantes.

Throwing eggs at Christina Aguilera’s house.

But. You knew all that.

Right?

Right.

Well.

One of the main things to get me to leave the comforts of The GayBoyClub is any event that has the cutest of the cute promoters attached to it.

Do I even need say that the promoter with the mostest is the bearer of the best dimples this side of my fat ass, Eduardo Cordova?

Oh. TMI?

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah.

Eduardo Cordova and his dimples. That is what we were talking about right?

Oh. No.

We were talking about how E to the C always puts on the best events on The Strip for Boys who Bang Boys, Girls who aren’t afraid of carpets and all those in between.

Really.

I swear.

Tonite Eduardo keeps the New Years spirit rockin’ with SUNDANZE at Jet! It’s the beginning of a new decade and Eduardo is getting this party started right with KELLY ROWLAND!!!

O. M. G.

No!

Yes!

In addition the Go Gos will be Go Going scantily clad on those things they Go Go on!

The Muzak will be jammed into your aural cavities by Dj Michael Paul out of El Lay and Superstar DJ Tracy Young from El Apple Grande!

Did I mention that there will be special dance acts to go along with all that Go Going?

Well there will be!

Bitch.

Can I ask you a question?

Why are you still reading this? Shouldn’t you be gluing in tracks and arranging a designated driver right about now?

Shouldn’t you?

The fun begins at 1030pm TONITE and goes until the room starts spinning and you ask the guy you’re talking to, “have I ever woke up at your house before?”

That’s always when it’s time to leave.

Just so you know.

Well.

Stop bothering me!

Go get your track on and get over to SUNDANZE presented by Eduardo Cordova! While you’re there, look at those dimples.

Then, think of mine.

SUNDANZE

3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

BUY TICKETS NOW:
http://lightgroup.com/sundanze/

FOR RESERVATIONS CALL 702-792-7900
DOORS @ 10:30PM | PROPER ATTIRE REQUIRED

SPECIAL ROOM RATES: CALL 1-800-627-6667
PROMO CODE: SUNDANZE

SUNDANZE - FIRST SUNDAY OF EVERY MONTH - INSIDE JET NIGHTCLUB

WWW.EDUARDOPRESENTS.COM
FOLLOW US ON TWITTER@EDUARDOPRESENTS

WWW.LIGHTGROUP.COM
FACEBOOK.COM/JET-NIGHTCLUB

TOP GEAR CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

2010-12-27T14:30:00.000-08:00

Take a look at my fave show from the UK.

Well. After "Keeping Up Appearnces".

"BOO-KAY!"

This episode of Top Gear is a rarity on our shores. It's the full one hr Top Gear in the Mideast Christmas Special!

ENJOY!

SANTA CLAUS WAS A MAN NAMED PERRY WASHINGTON

2010-12-24T08:47:00.000-08:00

When I was little kid we always went to Schaumberg to do our shopping. Something about Evans Furs being located there.

Well, they also had really big modern stores. Nothing like Marshall Fields or Carson's. Those were STORES! Big and dramatic. The type of place that had windows that made you take a special trip downtown to see.

A Future homo of America's training ground.

As it were.

We also did all of our grocery shopping in the suburbs. Mind you we lived at 70th place and South Shore drive. Right across the street from the whites only country club where if you looked over the wall you could see blond girls riding their horses on the beach.

In the middle of a black hood.

Sorta South Africaesque.

The revolution didn't need to be televised, it was in my front yard.

Really.

I swear.

Of course, the reason we went to the suburbs is that after all week of dealing with my people, my mother, Babs, was tired of Negroes and needed to get into her Thunderbird and deal with people with some sense. Plus, as I found out later, the products in the suburbs were newer and the food was fresher and cheaper. I will never forget the first time we went to a store in the neighborhood (middle class mind you) and saw what passed for vegetables. Blech.

Well, that first time we went to the ghetto we were shopping for my fathers families Christmas gifts. "Those people, the Washington's", according to Babs when she was being nice.

When she wasn't being nice, well, you would understand where I get my demure yet make a sailor put his dick back in his pants at a Turkish whorehouse potty mouth from.

"It's not your cousins Cricket and Nods fault they have the mothers' that they do, so we have to go to the West Side and buy them SOMETHING though I know they aren't getting you anything", said Babs through clenched teeth.

They never did. I was always "Barbara's son".

A McClanahan.

Not a Washington.

"Get out of my car now! We're going to see Santa while we're here!" Mom barked in her low soothing yet "oh fuck you knew you better move it" dulcet tones.

WELL! There he was!

Surrounded by pickaninnies with poor clothing choices and those little black girl balls in their unpressed hair was.....

A skinny old Colored man in a stolen Santa suit.

"Stay here in line, I'll be back", mom took off in a sea of poor dark people all Evans fur and leather looking way too cute for the room.

Needless to say there was no way I was going to get in that mans lap and have him fuck up my Christmas order. My order at Harold's Fried Chicken never came with the ketchup already on the fries so I knew this fool was not getting me the Hot Wheels set with the Pace Car Camaro and the double looped track.

And the other children said things like "I seen" and "La Q'Shwan I'm gonna fuck you up if you don't stop it!" while they wiped snot from their noses with their cheap coats and then chased each other with it.

Aw, hells to the no.

I waited to the side and tried to hold my breath.

That night, my sainted father (step but the best father ever!FUCK I'M CRYING!RIP dad.)Perry Washington who was the lightest black man you ever did see, asked me how it went with Santa.

I told him how they had all of these nasty children and some old Colored man who had stolen Santa's suit and I never got my chicken right at Harold's and besides, Santa was white.....

That night I found out there was no Santa.

He wasn't white.

Black people were every bit as good as white people.

Poor kids had poor parents and I should be thankful that my parents had good jobs and cared enough about me to see that I was well dressed and lived in a nice home.

AND SANTA CLAUS WAS A MAN NAMED PERRY WARREN WASHINGTON.

And that is how I found out that Santa Claus didn't exist.

I had something way better.

My dad.

DIAMOND CHINESE: DON'T MIND THE REDNECKS IN THE FRONT, THERE'S GOOD VITTLES OUT BACK!

2010-12-21T14:59:00.000-08:00

Let us get one thing straight.

Well, you know what I mean.

Clear. I meant clear.

Let's get one thing clear.

Moi is used to being stared at upon entering a restaurant.

When I arrive at my fave McDonalds, they know to fire up the fryer and let the good times roll. Making my entrance at Krazy Kitchen buffet, it's "oh here come large yellow man, hide Salmon roll! Leave some other people!"

Well.

As Moi and Moi's bestie Christopher sauntered into some Gawdawful casinoette on Industrial near a, ahem, "library" that Christopher was familiar with, the men all paused as I walked into the room.

And not in a good way.

I am quite sure that the music stopped, jaws dropped and the theme song from "Deliverance" floated in from a dimly lit alcove played by what looked like the evil spawn of John McCain and Rhea Pearlman.

Really.

I swear.

"Are you sure this is the place the locals know as "the best Chinese food in Vegas"?, I asked of Chris.

"Keep going to the back", Chris growled. Mind you, he had had one of "those" weeks. A week so "those" that we had foregone our usual drinking in favor of food!

I hustled past a neck that was as red as any Sheriff's in Jim Crow Alabama neck ever was. I flung open the door and all of a sudden, I was in Hong Kong circa "Suzie Wong."

Nothing fancy, but, obviously authentic. There were an equal number of customers and employess.

Two. Each.

Somehow. I knew I was home.

I took one look at the menu and was transported back to my days in L.A. at four am with my friends (Cher, Christina Aguilera, Brittany Spears and Gore Vidal. Well, until Christina became a bitch.) all sucking up mounds of food in Chinatown until the sun came up.

On the menu were Salted Chicken ($8.50 half/$16 whole), Beef with Melon ($8.50) Hot Braised Snow Fish ($14.95) and, of course, Shark Fin soup. I will not eat Shark Fin Soup, it is completely wrong to kill a shark just for the fin.

I will, however, wear a Chinchilla and I don't care what you do with the carcass.

Suck it PETA.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes. Diamond Chinese!

I had heard often about this place and have to say that it more than lived up to the hype. I ordered my "tester" dish that I always order when I 'm deciding on whether or not a Chinese joint is going to see my substantial rear end again.

I ordered "House Special Egg Foo Young"($8.95). And I dared them to impress me.

Oh. My. Gawd. Chandler Bing!

It was perfectly crisp on the outside and had just the right mix of eggs and veggies for the filling. Adorned with paper thin slices of BBQ Pork and meaty soft Scallops, Steamed Chicken and melt in your mouth Fish Fillets all wrapped up in a delicious gravy, it was eaten by my eyes before I even touched it with my utensil!

We split an order of Sliced Chicken with Cashew Nuts ($8.25) as well and it did nothing to shake me of the idea that I was loving this place.

And then!

I noticed the one thing that cemented my relationship with Diamond Chinese.

I side door.

No more Rednecks for Moi! I can come and go without a busload of Freedom Riders to protect me on my way to Le Heaven Gastronomique!

Get the to the best Chinese Food in town, Diamond Chinese!

DIAMOND CHINESE
3449 INDUSTRIAL ROAD
702.796.8982

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-12-16T00:31:00.000-08:00

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

YOGI BEAR 3D

Starring: Yogi Bear (Lucille McGillicuddy), Boo Boo (Ethel Mertz).

What It’s About: In a first for Lesbian porn, Yogi Bear 3D follows the mishaps and erotic misadventures of a pair of Kooky and Kinky “Furries” let loose in the wilds of Yosemite National Park. Mirth and Mayhem are the order of the day as the hennaed red head and the frowsy blonde seek to make Yosemite a Sapphic playground against the puritanical wishes of the local Park Ranger (Mackenzie Phillips) . It, of course, all ends with a honey slathered romp with a young Bear cub (Juliette Lewis) who is bi-curious and ready for fun!

Why I won’t be seeing it: Lesbian Furry Porn is bad enough.Furry Vag in 3 freakin' D just gives this homo the creeps. Yikes!

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

Starring: Reese Witherspoon (Madame in her first starring role since the death of Waylon Flowers), Owen Wilson, Jack “Where the white woman at?!” Nicholson and that one white guy who’s in pretty much every movie I’ve hated in the last five years.

What It’s About: WTF!?! Is this National “Gals who love Gals” month or what? Reese (Madame) is a down and out 60 year old softball player who …WAIT! Ok, at this point I would normally make up what this dreck is about, BUT the actual description is WAY more insipid than anything I could ever think up.

Here is what it’s REALLY about: “Reese Witherspoon’s entire life has been defined by softball, but at 31, she is deemed too old to play and cut from the team. After being cast adrift, she begins a fling with Matty (Owen Wilson), a charming womanizer who plays professional baseball. About the same time, she goes on a blind date with George (Paul Rudd), a businessman on the hook for stock fraud. Caught in a romantic triangle with the two men, Lisa ponders the meaning of love.”

Why I Won’t Be Seeing It: “Reese Witherspoon’s entire life has been defined by softball, but at 31, she is deemed too old to play and cut from the team. After being cast adrift, she begins a fling with Matty (Owen Wilson), a charming womanizer who plays professional baseball. About the same time, she goes on a blind date with George (Paul Rudd), a businessman on the hook for stock fraud. Caught in a romantic triangle with the two men, Lisa ponders the meaning of love.”

WHAT THE SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR IS THIS SHIT?!?

Combine that actual description with the fact that “Chester the Molester” Nicholson hasn’t missed a chance to show his hairy, saggy, old man titties in any movie he’s been in over the last twenty years and I just have to think I’d have a much better time singeing my pubes slowly while squatting over the burners on my stove.

How Do You Know? Why would I care?

TRON: LEGACY 3D

Starring: One of the guys who used to be Flipper’s brother, I think. Some white guy. Some white girl.

What It’s About: Ok, look. I am not nor have I ever been a Nerd. I have never pleasured myself in my mom’s basement while watching Carrie Fisher tied up in a two piece with Cinnabuns on the side of her head while she writhed for the amusement of Rush Limbaugh (as Jabba the Hut) in Star Wars 16 or whatever it was. I was in Student Body and made fun of people who could speak in Wookie.

WHY WOULD I CARE WHAT THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT?

Why I Won’t Be Seeing It: I tend to see myself as on the cutting edge and Ecstasy is OVER Gurlfriend! It’s sooo KLF and I can’t imagine that this crapfest would be bearable without at least two hits.

KIMBERLY COLE AT CLOSET SUNDAYS 2NITE!

2010-12-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

KIMBERY COLE AT CLOSET SUNDAYS TONIGHT!

Moi loves a $5 drink whether it is Vodka (potato juice) or Beer.

But you knew that.

Didn’t you?

Of course you did.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

My fave place to drink, dance and partay like it’s 2009 is “Closet Sundays” at The Revolution Lounge. The world’s most adorablest promoter, Eduardo Cordova, has been hosting Closet Sundays at the Revolution Lounge ever since I first turned 21 a couple of years ago.

What?

Get your own blog and you can decide on your age. Bitch.

Anyways.

TONIGHT Diva Kimberly Cole will be performing and the Go Go’s will be Go Going starting at ten pm and going until your fairy Godmother says, “give me back my Crystal Disco Pumps!

So.

Swish on over to CLOSET SUNDAYS at The Revolution Lounge in The Mirage Resort & Casino tonight!

CLOSET SUNDAYS
REVOLUTION LOUNGE
THE MIRAGE RESORT & CASINO

3400 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109

GUESTLIST AND RESERVATIONS CALL 702-693-8300

http://www.facebook.com/l/4fa21RYJDKOyBOGG4lGQRVuY5GA;WWW.EDUARDOPRESENTS.COM

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER@EDUARDOPRESENTS

KIMBERLY COLE "SMACK YOU"

REVIEW: DAVID SEDARIS' "THE SANTALAND DIARIES" STARRING JAMIE MORRIS

2010-12-12T16:07:00.000-08:00

REVIEW: David Sedaris’ “The Santaland Diaries” starring Jamie Morris

The Onyx Theater
953 E Sahara (in The Commercial Center)
Bldg 16

December 9-12, 2010
4 Performances ONLY

I am very upset that I saw “The Santaland Diaries” starring Jamie Morris late on Saturday night.

I wish I had seen it Friday so that I could have beat the bushes to tell everyone to catch the last two performances of the weekend. Jamie Morris is not only a talented playwright and satirist, he is also quite a good little actor. I have no idea how long this show is because not once did I check my Android to see what was going on outside of The Onyx Theater as I was simply beguiled by Morris’s skill at holding an entire audiences attention.

Really.

I swear.

David Sedaris is quite a little imp himself and I feel that he would have gladly sat back and roared with laughter as I did if he were to see this spot on production of his holiday classic short story about a soon to be having a mid-life chrisis Soap Opera extra wannabe who ends up as the world’s wryest Elf at Macy’s. While the Elf dreams of having smart cocktails with the Buchanan’s and the Quartermaine’s in the one to two pm block of afternoon TV, his reality is boorish oafs from New Jersey (Are there any other kind? I’m jes sayin”.) and a Macy’s demanded “Elf name”.

His is “Crumpet”.

You would surely understand if he takes a swig from his flask ever so often.

Right?

Crumpet takes us from his Elf training sessions (picture the Death Marches of Bataan with a peppy Japanese warlord leading the way.) to the locker room where one of the more fetching Elfs might just be flirting his way into a bathroom scene right out of “Born Innocent” (starring Linda Blair as the whorish Elf). The forced frivolity starts as soon as he is thrown into a roomful of Soap Opera extras and, to put it kindly, weirdos who seem to think that asking if they can were their Elf costumes home is a perfectly reasonable request.

Not.

Morris keeps you not only entertained, but, interested.At no point did I notice the fact that this was a one man show. Morris is so good as the bitchy little, too clever for his own good Crumpet, that between him and the excellent set, staging, lighting and source material you never miss any other possible actors. He gives such dead on impersonations of dozens of characters that you automatically see them in your head and fill the stage yourself with his wit and your own imagination.

He’s that good.

My only disappointment with “The Santaland Diaries” is that it ends tonight.

Put your jacket own and get thee to The Onyx Theater now!

WORLD'S LARGEST H & M OPENS AT THE FORUM SHOPS IN LAS VEGAS!

2010-12-11T00:56:00.000-08:00

Moi is quite used to the parties los fabulousos.

Quite.

Well.

Walking into the gigantic new H&M store at The Forum Shops in my little burgh I was actually taken aback at the ultraness of the fab.

Really.

I swear.

Giant Disco balls reminded me of long nights and early mornings a long, long time ago.

And Quaaludes.

But.

I digress.

H&M is the fabbest of the fab new places to spend one's ducats on the ultimate in stylish clothes for skinny people on a budget. This new store at The Forum Shops is by far and away the largest H&M outlet in the entire Mundo and it ROCKS! I can't tell you the last time I saw so much fashion under $50 that wasn't at a Salvation Army.

I just can't.

Because poor vous could not be there, I've included a little video of the VIP Grand Opening party of which I have just departed.

Enjoy my little fashion starved minions!

DAVID SEDARIS'S "SANTALAND DIARIES" STARRING JAMIE MORRIS

2010-12-11T00:48:00.001-08:00

David Sedaris'

THE SANTALAND DIARIES
Starring Jamie Morris
The Onyx Theater
953 E Sahara (In The Commercial Center)
www.onyxtheater.com

Remember your first job?

I do.

I played Santa in the 1st grade production of “The Night Before Christmas”. I was born for the role. I was cute. I was cherubic. I had rosy cheeks.

I was the fattest 1st grader that Reavis Elementary School had ever seen

Born. For. The. Role.

How about your worst job?

I was the graveyard shift worker at a lab in El Monte where I grew mold.

Mold.

I was born for the job.

When I first saw the Uber talented Jamie Morris in “Mommie Queerest”, I knew he was born for the role. Maybe it was something about the arch in his brow.

Or the insanity just behind his rouge.

But much like that proverbial feline with nine lives, Morris was reborn as Mrs. Garrett in “The Facts of Life: The Lost Episode.”

Born. To. Play. The. Role.

AND THEN! Along comes Morris in “The Silence of the Clams” as Hannibal Lichter.

Zut Alors! That’s French for WTF!?!

Now, Jamie is back as everyone’s fave slacker elf in David Sedaris’s “The Santaland Diaries”.

You’ve heard of “Jolly Saint Nick” and even “Bad Santa”. In “The Santaland Diaries” you meet the first ever holiday “Elf Bitch.” This little candy striped curmudgeon and his wry take on everything Macy’s during the most wonderful time of the year will make you glad you completed that typing class at Devry. From his Elf training to the indignities of working with people he normally wouldn’t sit next to on the subway, this poor schlub is funnier than your pill poppin’ aunt Gina on Egg Nog at Midnight Mass.

This is the holidays as seen through a pack of Marlboros and a Whiskey Sour.

Let’s face it, everyone really hates the holidays whether you admit it or not. And that, meine fruende, is why you have to come down to The Onyx Theater and commiserate with your fellow holiday revelers as you laugh till you pee (just a little) in your pants at “The Santaland Diaries”

Soon you’ll have to spend time with your loved ones.

You’re gonna need a good laugh to get you through that n’est pas?

Performance Dates:
Thursday - December 1, 2011 at 08:00 PM - Open Seating
Friday - December 2, 2011 at 08:00 PM - Open Seating
Saturday - December 3, 2011 at 08:00 PM - Open Seating
Sunday - December 4, 2011 at 05:00 PM - Open Seating
Thursday - December 8, 2011 at 08:00 PM - Open Seating
Friday - December 9, 2011 at 08:00 PM - Open Seating
Saturday - December 10, 2011 at 08:00 PM - Open Seating
Sunday - December 11, 2011 at 05:00 PM - Open Seating

**The Santaland Diaries is presented by special arrangement with Dramatists Play Services, Inc., New York**

IT'S THE MOST QUENCHABLE TIME OF THE YEAR!

2010-12-09T16:51:00.000-08:00

QUENCH THIS.

If vous (that would be YOU) know anything about Moiself (and vous do.), you simply must know that my fave place to put on my wig hat and high heeled sneakers is REVOLUTION LOUNGE at The Mirage Resort & Casino.

Well.

Another one of my loves happens to be little happy children.

Other peoples.

You have to come pick them up before they get into my Beluga.

Again.

Where was I?

Oh yes, happy children.

Well.

Moi also just J’adores QVegas Magazine which is home to all that is Gay in my little burgh.

When you put all of that in a cocktail shaker, what do you get?

What?

I ask.

You get QUENCH , the latest super duper from the genials over at QVegas!

Fab I say. Fab!

Qvegas has teamed up with Aid for AIDS Nevada to provide a bunch of little kids a happy Christmas at QUENCH tonight! The soiree begins at 7pm and goes on until 9pm.

What you do with your time after that is not my business.

Text me in the morning.

Unless you are in the hokey. Call someone else for that.

I’m not interested in the hokey. Just the pokey.

I’m jes sayin’….

More Fab?

Really.

I swear.

The first twenty people to show up avec toy win a pair of tickets to Madame Tussaud’s!

You know, the place with the wax people.

No, silly, not Sun City Anthem!

Giggle.

So.

Make sure you bring a lovely happy kid making toy and join the merriment at QUENCH tonight!

QUENCH @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE
7-9pm Thursday December 9, 2010
The Mirage Resort and Casino
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

QVegas Magazine
www.qvegas.com

JOIN TEAM BATTLE BORN IN THE ROCK & ROLL MARATHON!

2010-12-04T19:47:00.000-08:00

TEAM BATTLE BORN VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR THE ANNUAL “ROCK & ROLL MARATHON” FOR CHARITY!

Hi Everyone,

It’s that time of year again. Rock & Roll time! Every year we get together progressive groups and fun folks to man water stations at the “Rock & Roll Marathon” charity run. This Sunday it’s time to get out there and support the thousands of runners participating in this run for charity.

It’s a lot of fun and the runners REALLY appreciate us being out there. I was shocked last year at how many bothered to say “thank you” as they grabbed water and sped off.

This year, our team name is our great state’s motto, ‘BATTLE BORN”. As we know from the last election, us progressives are definitely up for battle! We meet really early, but there’ll be plenty of donuts and coffee to keep you energized! We also will be having a no cost raffle that all of our volunteers will be entered in just for participating! The winners will receive one of several prizes including massages and a “Food Healing Party” for 10!

AND we have the only station with a LIVE BAND to entertain us!

Here’s what you need to do in order to sign up. Make sure you sign up with “BATTLE BORN”!

Please follow the link below to sign up for our water station at the 2010 Zappos.com Rock ‘n’ Roll Las Vegas Marathon & ½ Marathon to benefit the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America on December 5, 2010. Please select our group from the Water Station drop-down menu.

Please include your email address when you register because I will be forwarding you parking information and more details via email as the event gets closer.

PLEASE ARRIVE BETWEEN 5:00-5:30AM

CALL 702 576 4978 IF YOU NEED A RIDE

If you have questions, please contact the water station Captains:

Chris Miller at chrisisademocrat@gmail.com 702-576-4978 text or call

Derek Washington at derekisademocrat@gmail.com 702-576-4978 text or call

SIGN UP

http://las-vegas.competitor.com/volunteers/

OPTION #1

Tropicana Blvd. (WEST side of fwy)

SOUTH on Dean Martin Dr (parallels fwy)

Go under bridge (Hacienda)

First right on Connector Rd RIGHT

OPTION #2

Tropicana to Valley View (SOUTH on Valley View)

LEFT on Hacienda

RIGHT on Aldebaran (just before going over 15 Fwy)

Circles into Connector Rd. If you go to Dean Martin, you have gone too far

MISC

Our water station is on Connector RD between Dean Martin and Aldebaran

Can park in dirt lot behind us or in Industrial area off of Hacienda

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND Dec 04 2010

2010-12-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND 04 Dec 2010

LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS

Starring: That one sorta hot white guy with the eyes too close together that has a not very attractive sister who more than makes up for it because she dresses really cool but I can never remember her name. I think it’s Agnes. Anne “I really know how to pick ‘em” Hathaway. Some white girl.

What It’s About: Drug dealer (that sorta hot guy) meets Hathaway and they spend a weekend in a Modesto Siegal Suites room waiting for his connect (Wilmer Valder what’s his name. You know, Fez.) to show up with some really good new stuff called “ICE”. Hathaway and the other white girl get really bored waiting and have a pillow fight in their panties when Hathaway says that Mary Ann is way hotter than Ginger (as if). Fez shows up just in time to YouTube the whole thing on his Android. It all ends in boredom as Hathaway finally realizes her ex fiancé is a total fraud (three years after they broke up, btw.) and leaves the room to “call my fucking agent for getting me into this dreck!”

Why I Won’t Be Seeing It: I can’t sit for two hours looking at a Siegel Suites room. Especially now that I don’t do drugs anymore.

THE NEXT THREE DAYS

Starring: Serial Dick, Russell Crowe. That one guy and some white girl.

What it’s about: Ok. In between throwing cell phones at the help (who the fuck does Crowe think he is? Naomi Campbell?) and studying “Boorish Behavior for Dummies”, Crowe made what promises to a dreckish story about his wife who is accused of murder.

Why I Won’t Be Seeing It: It doesn’t ring true. Think about it. If you were married to Russell Crowe and on trial for murder, wouldn’t you have killed him, meaning there was really no reason for him to have shown up on set? Right?

MORNING GLORY

Starring: Harrison Ford, Annie Hall and (let’s say it all together!) SOME WHITE GIRL!

What It’s About: I really don’t care. I am sure there’s either a fashion montage or a nervous white girl balances coffee as she holds a clipboard running down the hall away from the lecherous Cryptkeeper (Harrison Ford) right before the big moment where she turns in the tape that is going to scoop every show in town. Oh. Wait. That was “Broadcast News”. Never mind. Question? How the H-E-double toothpicks did Annie Hall end up in a movie with The Kryptkeeper? Is it THAT bad for women of “Un Certain Age”? Did he know that any women over the age of 19 would be in a movie with him? I thinketh not. Blechfest!

THIS WEEK ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY! December 4, 2010

2010-12-03T22:41:00.000-08:00

THIS WEEK ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY! December 4, 2010
www.vegasallnetradio.com

This week we’re on twice in one day! We’re LIVE from 7am-10am and rebroadcast from 10am – 1pm. (Times are West Coast)

We would love to have your questions answered. If you see someone in the line-up that you would like to ask about something, drop us an email at derekisademocrat@gmail.com or Twitter to @LauraKmm

07:23am Sue Fulton of Knights Out will give us an update of the battle to repeal DADT

07:43 JD Smith gives us the view of DADT from the inside by a service member currently serving

08:12 Rob Smith is a great writer and Veteran who writes for The Huffington Post, After Elton amongst others and is working on a book about his time in the Armed Forces

08:27 Dave Schwartz is the go to guy when it comes to the potential for the legalization of Marijuana in Nevada

08:42 Ari Ezra Waldman is our “Legal Eagle” and he’ll be updating us on all of the latest LGBT related legal issues

09:00 Rock & Roll Marathon is coming to Vegas on Sunday and we’re leading TEAM BATTLE BORN! We’ll give you all the info about this annual charity event

09:14 Mallory Cyr will discuss her activism in matters of immigration reform and issues affecting college students, especially the DREAM ACT

09:28 Michael Flores of Progress Now Nevada will tell us what he’s doing to help people in need and talk about his work on the DREAM ACT

09:43 Steve Walker is a co-chair of the Organizing For America LGBT working group. Steve will be talking to us about the Obama administrations work on LGBT issues and what’s going on in DC these days.

We would love to have your questions answered. If you see someone in the line-up that you would like to ask about something, drop us an email at derekisademocrat@gmail.com or Twitter to @LauraKmm

OFF THE STRIP, WORTH THE TRIP: SMASHBURGER, YOU CAN'T BEAT THIS MEAT!

2010-11-22T20:30:00.000-08:00

Being from a little village in the suburban San Gabriel Valley, just 19 miles and 20 years from Los Angeles, I know my burgers.

I also know my fair share of Cholas. But. That's another story.

Entirely.

You see, the famed hamburger joint "In N Out" was born just up the rode from Mi casa in West Covina in El Barrio de Baldwin Park.

Nothing else of note ever came out of Baldwin Park.

Never.

"In N Out" is hands down everyone's fave burger emporium. If you've ever eaten there while, how you say, tipsy, you know what I mean. There's nothing quite like one of their vanilla shakes washing fries down your drunken throat whilst dripping burger juice onto your lap.

And of course, no one who knows "In N Out" orders from the menu.

Of course.

Nope. If you're truly in the know, you order all manner of secret, off the menu specialty burgers.

Well.

Sorry my old "In N Out" amigo, you have been replaced in my life by the new kid on the block. No. Not those white trash dudes from Jersey, or, wherever they're from.

I'm talking Smashburger.

Bitch.

Recently opened in in my new village of Las Vegas, Smashburger is my new fave delicious treat between two buns.

Well. You know what I mean.

For the price of the "Six Dollar Burger" at Carl's Jr you can treat yourself to what is easily the tastiest, juiciest slab of meat covered in egg, bacon and super thin, crispy fried onions (The Sin City Burger). You can also create your own version of a heart attack by just ordering whatever the hell you want

Like a little spice on your meat?

Heh. Heh.

If heat is your game, grab a "Spicy Baja" with pepper jack cheese, guacamole and a muy good-o chipotle mayo. And, no matter what, make sure you order some fried pickles and sweet potato fries.

Yum.

There are other things to order at Smashburger, by the way. What they are, I don't know. I love the burgers so much, I can't seem to get to that side of the menu.

Really.

I swear.

If it's get your grub on time, find your way to the nearest (or furthest, it's that good!) Smashburger pronto! It's "Off The Strip, Worth The Trip" fo sho!

SMASHBURGER LAS VEGAS LOCATIONS:

# 1. Las Vegas
W. Lake Mead Blvd & Buffalo Dr.
7541 W. Lake Mead Blvd.

# 2. Las Vegas
S Fort Apache Rd. & W Sahara Ave.
9101 W. Sahara

# 3. Las Vegas
Centennial Center Blvd. & W Ann Rd
5655 Centennial Center Blvd.

www.smashburger.com

FALL IS HERE AND THE LOOKS ARE HELLA CUTE!

2010-11-22T17:19:00.000-08:00

Some people are summer types who wear the tight, deep V-necks from American Apparel and skinny jeans in My Little Pony colors.

I hate those skinny bitches.

Really.

I swear.

I, being of a more “Rubenesque” build, prefer the luxury of layering through the Fall Fashion season. This fall there are some great menswear collections and ways of tying together your look from high end to low end. Your budget (or, lack thereof.) is no longer a reason for one to not be stylish.

In addition to the fab collections, there are some truly horrid looks that simply must be stopped before I end up on “8News Now” for attacking people at The Fashion Show Mall.

Who wants that?

Who?

I ask.

Who?

Let’s start with a look at some of my fave brands this season.

First up is PRADA.

Let’s be honest, for far too long, PRADA tried to make everyone into an early 70’s Stewardess. It was funny. For two seasons. Then it got rather trite. This year PRADA has matured with Hair Cut 100 Sweaters under Camel Hair coats with luxurious Fleece lapels. Camel and Navy are the colors that manage a midway point between “too classic and too edgy” to enable the collection to be worn for more than one season without looking “last year”. Red and Yellow make none too subtle, yet, non-cartoony appearances as well in everything from big plaids to sturdy Macintoshes. For those of you who think of black as an everyday thing, check out the shiny leather driving coats with lush knit collars in the accompanying video, it’s a “MUST HAVE”!

Jeans now have movement instead of clinging to you like Saran Wrap on Iggy Pop. Adult,not, Mommy Jeans! Woo Hoo! “The newest thing in fashion today are clothes that you can wear and that real and sophisticated people can understand”, says Prada’s namesake designer Miuccia.

With Belted Cardigans and sleek Black pants leading the collection, methinks Miuccia has hit the proverbial nail squarely on the noggin.

MUSIC FOR THE STYLISH GENT: SHIT ROBOT

2010-11-22T15:47:00.000-08:00

Marcus Lambkin lives in a Schloss (That's Castle to you.) and is married to the spawn of Counts & Countesses. He also fronts a Krazy Krautsound band called, "Shit Robot". His past includes stints being an apprentice cabinet maker (a boy needs a trade.)and DJ'ing in the hippper than thou clubs of New York.

City, that is.

His debut CD "Cradle To The Rave" is a melange of Krautsound and Lower Eastside white boy Electro beats. His sound is retro, but, not in a cloying "Fanny Pack" sorta way. It's like being in the best basement club in a dodgy 'hood in 1984.

Of course I would have been, oh, six or seven at the time so I'm just imagining.

Really.

I swear.

Debut track "Tuff Enuff" is funkified getting ready to go out and cause some mayhem music to the nth degree. Like a beat heavy Bong rip of really good Kush, it hits you right where they used to do lobotomy's.

Hard.

Check it out!

http://www.shitrobot.com/

CELEBRATE THE HOLIDAYS. DRUNK.

2010-11-20T15:35:00.000-08:00

Occasionally, Moiself has been known to tip back a glass of Potato juice.

Or.

Four.

Occasionally.

Well.

The Holidays are upon us, and you know what that means.

Don’t you?

No, not fights over Mommy issues.

No, not a couch full of fat farting uncles with their pants open from having gorged on dark meats and sweet potato pie.

No, Mon cheri. No.

HOLIDAYS ARE FOR DRINKING!

Duh.

Well. Master Mixologist Nick Mautone has created a simply brilliant way to celebrate the Holidays with two of my fave ingredients: Grey Goose Vodka & Sweet Potatoes!

Really.

I swear.

So. Let Mom fight with Aunt Carol and pretend not to notice that Uncle Joe is telling that same story about a hooker in Singapore after some war.

Yet. Again.

Scoot past Grandma and grab some handy Holiday ingredients and make yourself (and your cool stoner cousin Sarah who just got out of rehab. Again.) a nice tumbler of Nick Mautone’s “Grey Goose L'Orange Sweet Indulgence”.

Gobble. Gobble.

Recipe courtesy of Luxist.com

Grey Goose L'Orange Sweet Indulgence
1 ½ parts Grey Goose L'Orange Flavored Vodka
½ part Vanilla Brandy or Liqueur
1 part lime juice
¼ part maple or simple syrup
¼ part molasses
1 tbsp roasted or mashed sweet potato

In the bottom of a cocktail shaker, place the syrup, molasses and sweet potato. Muddle gently. Add the ice and the remaining ingredients. Shake vigorously. Double-strain into a tumbler and garnish.

RACHEL WENMAN IS 25! I GUESS SHE'S OVER THE AGE LIMIT FOR HEF NOW? PARTY @ THE PLAYBOY CLUB 2NITE!

2010-11-17T15:26:00.000-08:00

RACHEL WENMAN’S 25th Birthday! 944 Magazine Snitch performance by AMANDA BLANK!

Its my Chickie Girl Rachel Wenman’s 25th bday and the hizzouse will be kicking out the jams with Dj88 and M!KEATTACK. This is going to be the most insane party I promise you have ever been to (not me, you, don’t get it twisted). 944 magazine will be sponsoring the event as well, muy tastyiosa free drinks and rooms rates so low you don’t have to go back to your Mom’s place if you hook up. You can have a sleepover! COMPED ENTRY FOR ALL OF RACHEL WENMAN’S GUESTS!

HERE’S MISS AMANDA BLANK ! If you’re nice, she “Might Like You Better”!

The PlayBoy Club
Palms Resort & Casino
4321 West Flamingo Road Las Vegas,
NV 89103

LIKE SKATING ON THIN ICE? Check this deal out!

2010-11-17T15:02:00.000-08:00

Moiself has oft been known to "come close to the edge", "grate on the last..","if you___with me one more time.." And "..on thin ice Missy!"

Really.

I swear.

Well.

Thin ice or thick (ooh, dirty), there is a great deal going on that you have only 13 hours left to take advantage of to get your Tonya Harding on.

Skate on over (Ugh, that was beneath me. Speaking of beneath me, where's the dog?) to Moi's fave place to score a deal (No, not those scary streets behind the Stratosphere!),"LIVING SOCIAL presents Las Vegas" and click on to one of the best deals in town.

For a mere $17 (US) you and three of your teamlettes can get skates and entry to The Las Vegas Ice Center!

It's true!

Just sign up with "LIVING SOCIAL presents Las Vegas" for this and a whole gaggle of holiday savings!

Here's how:

LIVING SOCIAL presents Las Vegas
http://livingsocial.com/deals/3532-ice-skating-for-17?ref=LVDeal111710_30_256email

Las Vegas Ice Center
9295 W. Flamingo Rd., Suite 130
Las Vegas, NV 89147
(702) 320-7777

Now, grab your spangled tankini and skate Bitch! Skate!

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-11-12T19:51:00.000-08:00

FOR COLORED GIRLS

Starring: A bunch of really pissed off Strong and Angry Black Women. Gender Neutral Oscar winner Whoopi Goldberg.

What It's About: In a nutshell. All Black men exist simply to get on a Sistah's nerves.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: Two. Words. Lorena Bobbit.

DUE DATE

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jamie "Black Dudes With Iphones" Fox, Juliette "You Fuckers just thought my career was over! Drink my crazy juice fuckers!" Lewis, some white girl and that hairy guy that white guy hipsters think is really funny, but, isn't to anyone who can't quote The Big Lebowski.

I'm proud to say that I can't.

Quote The Big Lebowski.

That is.

What It's About: Have you ever seen ANY "odd couple buddy" movies? Someone's wife is about to spew forth progeny (who knew Robert Downey Jr. still had any sober sperm left?). Along the way The Sperminator meets up with that hella annoying hairy dude (no, not that Phoenix freak.) and hilarity ensues.

No it doesn't.

Blech.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: I don't like hairy people and Juliette Lewis scares me worse than John Wayne Gacey Clown portraits.

JACKASS 3D

Starring: A bunch of really annoying white boys.

What It's About: Attaching things to other dudes ball sacs and not thinking it's totally homo to be doing it.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: It's totally homo.

ALAIN NU "THE MAN WHO KNOWS" RETURNS TO VEGAS!

2010-11-12T19:07:00.000-08:00

I like to pride myself on my ability to tell what's on a person's mind.

Really.

I swear.

For example; if I am on a date at a Steakhouse and I am looking at the right side of the menu where the Surf & Turf is, I know my date is thinking, "WTF! How much is this gonna cost me!?"

Or.

If I am eyeballing a pair of striped trousers, the salesgirl is more than likely thinking, "Really? Are you kidding me, or, yourself thinking about putting all that in those?"

See?

Well.

There's a man coming back to our little village Las by the name of Alain Nu and he's even better at the whole "I know what you're thinking" thing than even Moiself.

“My show challenges the mind to explore how we are all strangely connected through a mysterious energy,” said Alain Nu.

I have no idea what that means, but, ooooh.

Alain Nu has performed for Al Gore and at Presidential Inaugural Balls. He is also one of the hottest new releases over at Amazon with his new page turner,“Picture Your ESP! — Reveals Your Hidden Powers with The Nu ESP Test”. The Washington Post wrote of Alain,"To watch him is to throw out all the rules of physics. Time and space are malleable in Nu′s deft hands".

Oh. My.

“Nothing is impossible in my world,” says Alain Nu. “Think about it. With just our thoughts and words as tools of visualization, we have the beginnings of untold power.”

Okay.

Yeah, I don't know what that means either, but, this is one way out Cat for sure!

While he is reluctant to reveal his especially sensitive powers, Alain Nu acknowledges that his uncanny effects incorporate elements of probability, psychology, suggestion, professional techniques and good timing.

Ooooh, sounds like fun!

Well. I have no idea what you are doing on Saturdays during Alain Nu's exclusive Las Vegas run (What? I'm not getting paid to read YOUR mind!), but, I do know that you are wasting a perfectly good Saturday night if you aren't checking out Alain Nu at his "Invisible Connections" ESP show at the historic Clarion Hotel for the next six weeks.

Wasting. A. Perfectly. Good. Saturday. Night. I. Say.

So. Get out your wig hat and your high heel sneakers and plush on down to the show at The Clarion Hotel & Casino, 305 Convention Center Drive. Doors open at 9:40 p.m. and cocktail service will be available before and during the performance.

Tickets are $54.99 General Admission and $65.99 VIP Seating. Tickets and more information are available online at www.TheManWhoKnows.TV

Invisible Connections starring Alain Nu
The Clarion Hotel
305 Convention Center Drive (just off the Strip)
Saturdays @ 10pm

See you there.

Btw.

I know what you're thinking.

Ooooh.

SATURDAY 30 OCTOBER on THE SAUSAGE FACTORY

2010-10-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY

SATURDAY 30 OCTOBER 10AM -1PM
www.vegasallnetradio.com

Hour 1
Steven Thrasher on how White America finally lost it and what’s so bad about Lt. Dan Choi. (Dan Choi was invited and accepted to be on this weeks show, but, never got back to us to be scheduled, maybe next week Dan?)

Ari Ezra Waldman with a DADT update and the latest on the election scene in Cali.

Hour 2
Cathy Renna on sexism and misogyny in the LGBT movement and issues affecting women such as DADT.

Ron Laurence from the Community Counseling Center of Las Vegas telling us how we all can help queer at risk youth.

Hour 3
Doug Harris is the Producer of “The Glenn Burke Story” about one man’s struggle to be a Gay man and still be part of America’s Pastime, baseball.

Paco Alvarez will fill us in on where to get your Freak & Squeak on this Halloween here in The City That Never Sleeps.

Jane Heenan will talk about whether or not it’s time for Derek to change the tune on Ask A Tranny.

Political News
Entertainment News
Twitter Trenz with @LauraKMM

SATURDAY 30 OCTOBER 10AM -1PM
www.vegasallnetradio.com

GUILT FREE GLAM WITH BRITTANY WILLIAMS MISS NEVADA 2010

2010-10-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

GUILT FREE GLAM WITH BRITTANY WILLIAMS MISS NEVADA 2010

FX You Salon & Spa will join with Miss Nevada 2010, Brittany Williams, to raise funds and awareness for CHILD FOCUS a non-profit organization providing education, case management and the tools children in the foster care system will need to help them become strong and productive adults in their community.

Great raffle prizes and a luxurious silent auction will take place at chic FX You Salon and Spa along with Happy Hour cocktails.

All proceeds will go to Child Focus.

GUILT FREE GLAM at Fx You Salon and Spa
5:30 to 8:30
Thursday 21 October at FX You Salon & Spa
7020 North Durango, Las Vegas, NV 89149

Media Contact:
Alptamise L. Hailey-Hinds
702.528.0757

Owner/CHI-ssential Wellness
www.chi-ssentialwellness.com
www.facebook.com/alptamise
http://www.firstgiving.com/chi-ssentialwellness

CELEBRATE FREEDOM WITH THE ACLU AND FRANNY FORSMAN

2010-10-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

DEFENDING LIBERTY WITH THE ACLU of NEVADA

8TH ANNUAL CELEBRATION of CIVIL LIBERTIES

HONORING FRANNY FORSMAN
Federal Public Defender for the District of Nevada

Saturday 16, October 16, 2010

MUNDO A Culinary Haute Hot Spot

Six to Nine pm

The World Market Center 495 S Grand Central pkwy Bldg A

You may not know this, but, Moiself is a great defender of Liberties.

I take them often.

Really.

I swear.

I also am rather fond of celebrating.

Anything.

I will jump and down at a Stucky’s Grand Opening if they are giving away tiny little tasty bits.

And booze.

Tonight, the ACLU of Nevada is having a rather special little celebration at one of Moi’s favorite little palaces of tasty bits, Mundo Restaurant. It seems that the ACLU is holding a party to honor not only it’s own 90th birthday (Wow 90 years! They’ve been defending Liberties longer than I’ve been taking them!), they are also honoring a true defender of Liberty.

Not me.

I came in second runner up.

I can never win a contest that includes both swimsuit & congeniality.

Franny Forsman is being honored with the Emilie Wanderer Civil Libertarian Award.

I didn’t want it anyway, there’s no Crown. Or Sash.

Franny’s hard work is the essence of American Patriotism. As a defender of the Liberties that make this country the place that billions of people around the world look up to and admire.

They do.

Well. Tonight Franny will be the star attraction at what promises to be a perfectly lovely evening at MUNDO Restaurant and you really should comb your hair and come out for Liberty.

And Franny Forsman.

Et Liberte.

That’s French.

See you tonight!

DEFENDING LIBERTY
Honoring Franny Forsman

MUNDO Restaurant six to nine pm

The World Market Center 495 S Grand Central pkwy Bldg A

Tickets $175 rsvp 702-366-1536 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 702-366-1536 end_of_the_skype_highlighting at www.aclunv.org or in cash or by check at the door

THIS WEEK ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY!

2010-10-16T00:29:00.001-07:00

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY Saturday 16, October
10am – 1pm (West Coast Time)

www.vegasallnetradio.com

12:23 Ross Levi Empire State Pride Agenda with the latest on Carl “WTF?” Paladino

10:40 Ari Ezra Waldman on where are we on DADT

11 Rory Reid the Democratic candidate for Governor of Nevada on his race and debating a phantom candidate..

11:23 Jon Ralston is Nevada’s premier pundit with a rundown of the Harry Reid vs Sharron Angle debate.

11:46 Peter Gariano is running against (alleged) homophobe John Bonaventura for Las Vegas Constable and possibly causing Derek to vote Republican for the first time ever.

12:13 Robert Randolph is the author of “You’ll Never Spa In This Town Again” a no holds barred rundown on which Hollywood “A-Listers” are getting the rubdown in steamrooms around the City of Angels.

12:30 Bonnie Jacobs is our little “Murder She Wrote” with her findings on John Ventura and his messy and murky past.

12:45 Mara Keisling is on hand to tell us why our “Ask A Tranny” segment is not exactly kosher.

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY Saturday 16, October
10am – 1pm (West Coast Time)

www.vegasallnetradio.com

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-10-09T00:17:00.000-07:00

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

WALL ST: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS

Starring: Michael “The Cryptkeeper” Douglas and that one guy from those stupid car movies with my favorite really hot bad actress Megan Fox. Some white girl.

What It’s About: Evidently Douglas gets out of prison after years of being a power bottom whilst missing the whole Bush lying us into war era. He decides to get back into the same shiz that got his old ass sent away in the first place.

Can I be totally honest?

Who gives freakin’ frogs balls what this movie is about? You know why I hope this movie makes hella bank? Because fifty cents of every dollar Douglas makes goes to his ex Diandra or whatever the hell her name was. Its total “fuck you” pay.

Go see it. Pay full price.

DEVIL (2010)

Starring: I haven’t the foggiest. Nor. Do. I. Care.

What It’s About: Did I ever tell you about the time I farted in an elevator and from the third floor until I got off at the tenth floor, I kept giving dirty looks to this fat delivery guy?

I didn’t?

Pity.

This movie is that kind of uncomfortable. Imagine being stuck in an elevator with the casts of Jersey Shore and Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Imagine.

Probably more intellectually interesting than this dreck.

LEGEND OF THE GUARDIANS: THE OWLS OF GA’HOOLE

Starring: Charlotte Rae, Kanye West, Valerie Bertinelli, Anne Heche and Zac Efron.

What It’s About: Charlotte Rae runs a low end bordello on the wrong side of the tracks just south of Vegas in this movie based on “A Very Special Episode of Blossom”. When business gets bad the fight over tricks gets intense inside “The Sagging Tit Ranch & Rib Shack”. Tension rises with the arrival of new meat, Zac Efron as “Little Bitch”. He and Kanye West (as an aging hustler on the wane) enter into a battle to the death during a long, hot Labor Day weekend for the only trick to show up, Valerie Bertinelli (Oscar Calling!).

Spoiler Alert! This movie ends with Bertinelli running away from the ranch like a virgin at a prison riot when she realizes that Soylent Green is people and Anne Heche (in a scene stealing cameo as a Lesbian Carmelite Nun) is serving it up naked!

Really.

I swear.

THIS WEEK ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY!

2010-10-08T23:55:00.000-07:00

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY 09 OCTOBER 2010

10AM -1PM (WEST COAST TIME)

www.vegasallnetradio.com

As usual The Sausage Factory has a stellar lineup of the smart and the sublime.

Who? You ask.

You did.

Ask.

Here you go.

10:23 Chris Geidner from Metro Weekly with all the latest from DC

10:45 Jane Heenan with “Ask A Tranny”

11:00 Ari Ezra Waldmon is back with his “Legal Eagle” eye on the news.

11:18 Jeff Garafolo of “Republicans for Reid” to talk about being a Gay Republican.

11:49 Zerlina Maxwell with “This Week in Blackness”

Noon Tony Clark who will give us the rundown on this year’s National Coming Out Day.

12:13 The Cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at The Onyx Theater.

12:28 Shaun Sewell On the World Gay Rodeo Finals presented by the International Gay Rodeo Association

12:43 Paco Alvarez The most semi-famous Museologist and really hip local man about town.

12:50 Juan Espinoza-Cuellar The activist and poet with the poem that he created for Stonewall’s “It Gets Better” rally.

Twitter Trenz @LauraKMM gives us the latest updates on what’s trending in the Twittosphere.

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY
10AM -1PM (WEST COAST TIME)

www.vegasallnetradio.com

ZELINA MAXWELL,

CHRIS MILLER'S 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY! REALLY. I SWEAR.

2010-10-08T16:08:00.001-07:00

CHRIS MILLER IS 50! (Really. I Swear. Cut him in half and count the rings.)

So, My bestie, Chris Miller, is (finally) having his 50th birthday party.

That's him in the picture above.

On the right.

Anyways, we are going to be celebrating his 50 years on planet Earth and his general ,uh, goodness (?) on this Sunday 10 October from 6-9pm in the garden at The Bar Bistro (The Arts Factory) 107 e Charleston 89104 at Casino Center.

Come and enjoy some cake and small finger type food thingees whilst watching me revel in the age difference between myself and Chris.

Did I write that out loud?

My bad.

The Garden at Bar Bistro is accessible to those with disabilities, so, all are encouraged to join us. We will have a full cash bar, and yes, the birthday boy does expect to be bought copious amount of adult beverages.

While we're on the subject.

We were.

On the subject.

The birthday boy will be receiving a REALLY cool gift on Sunday morning. It MUST STAY A SUPER SECRET! If you would like to be there for that gift, please email me and I will give you the details. BUT, no matter what, PLEASE join us for cake and booze from 6-9pm.

Btw, the birthday boy would love it if someone would get him a gift certificate to Target.

He needs underwear and socks.

He TOLD me that!

I would have no way of knowing otherwise.

WE ARE NOT TOGETHER.

But, he would make a fine catch for someone worthy of him.

He makes me say that.

Questions?

No?

Good.

CHRIS TURNS 50
SUNDAY 10 OCTOBER
The Garden at Bar Bistro (The Arts Factory)
107 E Charleston blvd 89104
Contact via text
Derek 702 576 4978
Sandy 702 400 3613

STONEWALL DEMOCRATS & CONGRESSWOMAN DINA TITUS INVITE YOU TO "IT GETS BETTER"

2010-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

STONEWALL DEMOCRATS OF SOUTHERN NEVADA

"IT GETS BETTER" *

Monday, October 4 • 6:00pm – 8:30pm
________________________________________
Location Bar Bistro (outdoor patio) at The Arts Factory
107 E. Charleston Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89104
________________________________________
________________________________________
During the month of September over half a dozen LGBTQ youth, unable to bear the brunt of constant bullying, committed suicide, or, were attacked and injured.

Stonewall's October meeting will instead be a community town hall co-hosted by QVegas Magazine to tackle this issue and to let our youth know "It Gets Better".

We will be joined by:

Congresswoman Dina Titus
State Senator David Parks
A Statement From Senate Majority Leader, Senator Harry Reid
Nevada State Democrat Party chairman Sam Lieberman
Cindy Reid (Wife of Gubernatorial Candidate Rory Reid)
Kristine Kuzemka Justice of The Peace Candidate
Kelly MacFarlane-Smith QVegas Magazine
Candice Nichols Gay & Lesbian Center of Southern Nevada
Mel Goodwin Gay & Lesbian Center of Southern Nevada
Karen Grayson Stonewall Director of Transgender Outreach
Adan Campos MECHA
Nathaniel Phillipps GLSEN & Stonewall Director of Youth Outreach
Malory Cyr Activist
Xuan Carlos Espinoza-Cuellar Writer & Activist
J.Son Dinant of Qvegas Magazine
Eliza Naomi Abrams from Green Valley High School will perform a monologue from the Laramie Project.
Coree Davis also from Green Valley High School will perform “Kiss The Air”.

We hope you can join us and provide input to help us put an end to the bullying and the hurt and start the healing. You’ll also be able to make your own “It Gets Better” video to give encouragement to kids everywhere.

Any questions? lvstonewalldems@gmail.com

*It Gets Better Project is a YouTube channel set up by blogger Dan Savage. You can upload a video to reach out to LGBTQ youth. Share your story so that they can see that it does get better. http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject

7th ANNUAL LATINO SHORT FILM FESTIVAL TONIGHT!

2010-10-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

Hope to see you all tonight (Oct 2) at 6PM!!

Other than a short "Adult Art" Pelicula I may have made in Tijuana, Moi's knowledge of Pelicula Latino is rather limited.

Rather.

Limited.

That is about to change.

Really. I swear.

Tonight, the 7th Annual Las Vegas Latino Short Film Festival is in La Casa!

The Springs Preserve's Big Springs Theater is the site of this years celebration of Latino Short films. If you are interested in spending a nice evening filling your head with the latest in Latino film magic, this is your kind of event.

And mine.

The soiree starts at 6pm with a rather lovely Catered by Wolfgang Puck grub grab followed by a silent auction and raffles to raise funds for the Latino arts community, which are sorely needed.

The big fun starts with the first screening at 7pm and continues on to 930pm.

7th Annual Las Vegas Latino Short Film Festival
Big Springs Theatre, Springs Preserve
333 So. Valley View Blvd.

See you tonight.

I'll be there.

Fleeing the paparazzi on the Red Carpet.

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY 02 OCTOBER 2010

2010-10-02T02:08:00.000-07:00

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY 02 OCTOBER 2010
10am – 1pm (West Coast Time)
www.vegasallnetradio.com

Hola! It’s been a very sad week in LGBTQ land. The completely needless death of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi was the latest in a string of deaths of LGBTQ young people who took their own lives because of the stupidity of others.

The Sausage Factory this week is dedicated to all of those who just couldn’t take it anymore.

Tyler Clementi
Asher Brown
Raymond Chase
Billy Lucas
Justin Aaberg
And all the kids everywhere who have been bullied and harassed because of who they are.

This weeks guests:

Educator & activist AJ O'Reilly will co-host with us.

Get Equals Michelle Wright with news from what activists around the country are doing to help keep our kids safe from bullies.

“Legal Eagle” Ari Ezra Waldman on what charges the people who led Tyler Clementi to take his life may face.

Nevada State Senator David Parks will tell us legislation to help keep kids safe.

Washington’s ultimate “insider” Steve Hildebrand

Shannon Cuttle joins us again on the urgent need for movement on the Safe Schools Improvement Act.

Live reports from the big march in DC by Natasha Dillon & Vito

As always, “Ask a Tranny”.

Paco Alvarez leaves his SkyPad in Downtown Vegas to tell us what’s going on in the city that never sleeps.

And Paul Soileau aka “Christeene” the filthiest drag queen since Divine!

Of course The Sausage Factory wouldn’t be complete without LauraKMM’s “Twitter Trendz”.

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-09-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

THE SOCIAL NETWORK

Starring: You can't possibly care? Right? No. Really?

What it's about: Facebook. I'm slowly wishing I was dying from my own bile.

Let's get real, we all have Facebook pages. Well. I do. I never really bother to see if anyone else has one.

I mean, why?

I'm so interesting.

After all.

Why bother?

Speaking of why bother.

We were.

Why bother with a movie about Facebook?

I get it free.

Everyday.

And I'm so much more interesting.

So.

Why bother?

LET ME IN

Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Huggy Bear and Justin Bieber.

What it's about: Lindsay Lohan (between imprisonments and rehab) stars as a girl who never seems to sleep or get cold outside at night. In the winter. Huggy Bear makes his big screen comeback as a creepy drag queen named Pinga Tu Madre who lives in a basement apartment upstairs from Lohan.

Justin Bieber is the unnaturally well hung Lesbian who befriends Lohan only to find out that she is secretly smoking his dope when he goes to junior high everyday. High on tweak and without panties, Lohan wreaks havoc at a local bowling alley where Puta Tu Madre works nights as a security guard.

All turns out well when the cops bust Lohan (yet again) and Bieber and Puta run off to Sinaloa where their love will be accepted, and Bieber can be closer to his connect.

Ok.

I have no idea and no desire to know what this movie is about.

YOU AGAIN

Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Betty White, and a bunch of other white people.

What It's About: Transgender star Jamie Lee Curtis is a victim of Pelvic Inflammatory Disease in this NSFW comedy. Betty White plays her (his?) Doctor with a taste for hooch.

Hilarity ensues as Jamie Lee asks, "Which one of you Bitches is my Mother?"

Huh?

I don't know.

Uncensored Voices: Celebrating Literary Freedom

2010-09-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

I know that when one thinks of Moi, one usually thinks bottle service, VIP lounges with minor local celebrities and massive quantities of Aleve.

But.

One would be surprised to find out that I am actually a rather well read Gay in The Village of Las.

One would.

Not only have I read 14 volumes of Winston Churchill's War Diaries, I am proud to have read such tomes as Zsa Zsa Gabor's autobiography (she lost it to a Sultan in 1814 or something), Suzanne Somers books, and pretty much every book with pictures since Jack went up that hill.

Suprised?

Quelle. (That's "we've never won a war", you know, French.)

Well.

On Thursday 30 September, the ACLU is hosting an event for the cells upstairs.

"Uncensored Voices: Celebrating Literary Freedom" is a celebration of all that was once considered bad.

Much like Moi.

Considered bad. That is.

Can you imagine that American legends like Allen Ginsberg and that Burroughs fellow were once considered so risque that they were BANNED?

Can.

You.

Imagine?

Of course, being banned makes everyone want to run out and possess whatever has been banned. Witness my popularity in certain suburbs of Bucharest.

Well.

If you have any good Colombian ,or, possibly a Quaalude you found in an old pair of Bonjour jeans in the back of your closet, you simple must get theeself down to The Clark County Library (it's a place where they keep books. You know. BOOKS.) for this groovy event for the cerebellum.

Here's a list of some of those bringing the Kulcha to our Village Las:

...--Iranian author Moniro Ravanipour, reading from her novel An Angel on Earth.
--Las Vegas author Dayvid Figler, reading from Howl, by Allen Ginsberg
--Flo Rogers (Nevada Public Radio), reading from 1984, by George Orwell
--Kim Russell (Smith Center for the Performing Arts), reading from The Pocketbook Game by Alice Childress
--Georgia Neu (Anti-Defamation League), reading from Mrs. Warren's Profession by George Bernard Shaw
--Dr. Amanda Morgan (Erotic Heritage Museum)
--Professor Timothy O'Grady (Black Mountain Institute Bennett Fellow)
--Local philanthropist Beverly Rogers, reading from The Color Purple
--Activist Xuan Carlos Espinoza-Cuellar, reading from Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya
--Students from the Green Valley High School theater department, with monologues from The Laramie Project

I'm exhausted from just thinking about all that talent sharing air avec Moi! (that's "our women do not need to shave the hair of their underarms!" You know, French.)

The event will take place during the American Library Association’s Banned Books week, which runs from September 25-October 2nd, 2010. Programs are held across the country each year to draw attention to the many well-known and well-loved literary works that are frequently challenged or banned in communities nationwide.

Uncensored Voices will be a compelling and entertaining evening that teaches everyone about the real risks of censorship in society, both past and present.

Event Details:
• Thursday, September 30; Reception at 7PM, Program at 7:30PM
• Clark County Library Theater, 1401 E. Flamingo Road, Las Vegas
• Free admission & refreshments
• Sponsored by the Vegas Valley Book Festival, the ACLU of Nevada, the Las Vegas-Clark County Library District, and UNLV's Black Mountain Institute.

I will be there.

I am sure you will be as well.

I am sure.

OFF THE STRIP, WORTH THE TRIP: NAKED BOYS SINGING!

2010-09-28T01:17:00.000-07:00

There's one secret only a select few know about Moiself.

No, not the time I was deported from Her Majesty's Kingdom.

Oops.

Two secrets.

Well. The truth of the matter is that in spite of my rather, how we say, saucy reparte (that's stinky cheese eater, you know French), I am actually quite, um, prudish.

Yup. It's true Selena Gomez, I am rather squeamish when it comes down to the actual messy messy thing.

You. Know. Sex.

I blush whilst writing at the mere thought of chains, whips, diuretics and cheap motels south of The Luxor.

Uh.

I digress.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes. Sex.

So. When the sexy et urbane J.D. Jensen invited Moiself and my bestie Chris Miller to see the long running production "Naked Boys Singing" at the Onyx Theater, I blushed as Chris jumped at the chance to see danglies mere feet in front of us.

As the show started I got that feeling one gets going up in a roller coaster that you only got on to please the guy that you ended up leaving after he screamed like a little Bitch during the 2 minutes 35 that the ride took to go all the way through.

Was that a dangling participle?

Speaking of dangling, Oh My Gawd Chandler Bing!

Right there. On stage.

Penis's. Peni? Penises?

Big. Small. In between.

Goldilocks could have been there forever trying to make a decision.

Honestly. When am I not?

Rhetorical question.

Bitch.

I spent the first twenty minutes trying to look anywhere but straight ahead. I can tell you about the pianist, the curtains and the back of the panting man in the front rows head.

Anything but the peen.

Then, as if by magic, I began to realize something.

These boys could sing!

Not only sing, but, sing little ditties about Robert Mitchum and being "The Best Little Porn Star from Skokie, Illinois"! They had me laughing and,occasionally, ready to get misty with their renditions.

There were funny songs, melancholy odes to the love that got away ,but, never went away and even a really clever number that reduced all of the wangs nicknames into a rousing little anthem complete with choir robes.

Well.

Not actually robes. More like the little stringy things that go around the necks of altar boys.

No, silly, not priests fingers!

I had to.

Really.

I swear.

Tee. Hee.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you like great singing and well written songs along with gratuitous weenie, then you simply must go see "Naked Boys Singing."

You.

Simply.

Must.

A word. To the wise.

Don't sit in the front row.

It's the splash zone.

Ooooh.

NAKED BOYS SINGING

THE ONYX THEATER
953 E SAHARA (IN THE COMMERCIAL CENTER IN THE RACK CLOTHING STORE)
89104

Performances Friday / Saturday / Sunday

Hint: Get a season pass to The Onyx and see several shows for the price of one overpriced Clowns on a high wire doing acrobatics acid trip on The Strip show.

OFF THE STRIP, WORTH THE TRIP: THE COFFEE SHOP AT THE GOLD SPIKE HOTEL AND CASINO

2010-09-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, one might just be short of El Presidente Muerta.

You know.

Cash.

That, in and of itself, is bad enough. Now. Add hunger.

Yikes!

Fret no more Flaca.

Fret.

No.

More.

Nope.

Now there is a place smack dab in the middle of my part of Le Village Las. A place that has undergone the kind of transformation that would make Joan Rivers cry.

If her tear ducts weren't currently located on the nape of her neck.

This place of city chic?

Hold your hats and hallelujah, The Style Guy is gonna give it to ya!

The Gold Spike Hotel and Casino is the kind of place that used to make fleas think twice about stopping in. I jest you not. Back in the day you used to be able to smell this place from LAX. The sharp scent of skank would assault you like a Panzer division visiting a small Polish village.

No. Mas.

Someone obviously took a heavy duty steam cleaner and a course from HGTV and turned this former dump into a rather swell little gem for travelers on Le budget.

But, unlike The Strip which we locals avoid like Lindsay Lohan avoids a urine test, The Gold Spike has something that works for us too. The Coffee Shop at The Gold Spike is where the $4.99 Prime Rib of yore went to reinvent itself like Cher on a budget.

Everything about the place is, well, pleasant. The staff is extremely friendly and the decor is modern in a David Bromstead sort of way. White plastic chairs look perfect next to bleached, jagged rock walls. Unlike many coffee shops, you aren't assaulted with nasty fluorescent lighting that makes you feel like Marilyn Manson on the walk of shame after a hard night. It's bright and airy.

Oh.

Yeah.

The grubbage.

You can enjoy the food here. What I mean by that is, unlike other cheap places, you aren't eating here only because it's cheap. The spaghetti and meatballs is old fashioned somebody's mom made it good. The salads are all huge, with crisp, fresh ingredients. The fabled $4.99 Prime Rib may not be like the Prime Rib at Ruth Chris's, but, you also have change from a twenty after buying a cheap date a good meal.

And who doesn't like that?

A cheap date.

Dumbass.

THE GOLD SPIKE HOTEL AND CASINO COFFEE SHOP
217 LAS VEGAS BLVD N
89101

THIS WEEK ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY! SPECIAL GUEST HOSTS ALICIA JACOBS & MARY JO BUTTAFUOCO!

2010-09-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

THIS WEEK ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY!

SATURDAY 25 SEPT 10AM-1PM

www.vegasallnetradio.com

This week Chris & Laura are off activisting (it’s a word, like “refudiate”) in Reno this weekend at a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” protest.

Well, that leaves this Lunatic in charge of the asylum! I’ve got two very special co-hosts this weekend, author Mary Jo Buttafuoco, KVBC and “Access Hollywood” reporter Alicia Jacobs!

THIS WEEK’S GUESTS:

Stampp Corbin who will be giving us his take on the current state of LGBT activism and it’s affect on LGBT voter turnout in the upcoming mid-term elections.

Ari Ezra Waldman, The Sausage Factory’s resident “Legal Eagle”, gives us the latest on where “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” stands from a legal point of view.

Allen Lichenstein from the ACLU will tell us about “Uncensored Voices, Celebrating Literary Freedom”.

Shannon Cuttle is on hand to explain why we need to push for an inclusive “Safe Schools Act” bill to protect LGBT students from bullying & Discrimination.

Nathaniel Phillipps, Chairman of the new Las Vegas GLSEN chapter and Director of Youth Outreach for Stonewall Democrats of Southern Nevada will also be with us to discuss what needs to be done to make our schools here in Nevada safe for every student.

Phil Attey answers the question, “can you be Catholic and Gay”?

There’ll will be naked boys and they’ll be singing in The Sausage Factory as JD and the boys tell us all about the longest running show Off Strip, “Naked Boys Singing”.

Jeff Sharlett is the hottest author in the country right now and he’s on hand to tell us about his latest page turner which explores the creepy world of “The Family”. You’ll cringe as you realize that Hillary Clinton’s “vast right wing conspiracy” is really true and it all emanates from a brownstone, “The C Street House”. Naturally, it wouldn’t be a scandal if John Ensign and Martin Ssempa weren’t involved. They are and it is, a scandal!

Octavia Hamlett is our guest for this week’s “Ask a Tranny”. I can’t wait to see what Mary Jo and Alicia have to ask!

Christina Garcia of “Basta 4 Bell” has a big victory on her hands with this week’s arrest of the entire City Council of Bell, California! She’ll fill us in on how grassroots activism brought down an entire government.

ALL ON THE SAUSAGE FACTORY!

JEFF SHARLETT ON "THE C STREET HOUSE"

MARY JO BUTTAFUOCO ON LIFE AFTER JOEY

ALICIA JACOBS REPORTING ON THE STRANGE DEATH OF MICHAEL JACSON

I WANT IT NOW!

2010-09-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Moi just WANTS IT NOW!

I'M THE MAYOR @ CREWS 'N! YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME! Or, I'm a cheap drunk.

2010-09-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

Not often does moiself come across a bar where the moment I walk in the barkeep says, "your usual?"

Not. Often.

Well, fret no more Tara Reid, there's a new place in my village where everybody knows your name.

And your drink.

And at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

Your drink.

Keep up.

Well. Crews 'N is the newest hang in the Village of Las Vegas. It even has a VIP room. Ok, it might be more of a non smoking room with food. But. Whatever.

Here's what's muy importante.

It's hella cheap to make like Kitty Dukakis here.

Before she stopped the whole drinking hairspray thing.

Hmm, Aquanet. Not really seeing that working with Olives.

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah.

Crews 'N.

Well.

It's conveniently located (For me and that's all that really matters. For me.) at Sahara and The Commercial Center. Did I mention that it's hella cheap? I'm talking two 4 one on Sundays from like whenever 'till 7pm. I just bought a whole bunch of vodka and I still have change from Moi's Jackson.

Andrew, not Tito.

Ok, I actually think I'm already experiencing a hangover and not only am I still still here (Omg Heather! Live Blogging! Well, drunk blogging. Whatever. Bitch.), but, I have two more drink tickets left!

OH. MY. GAWD. CHANDLER. BING!

Did I mention that I'm the Four Square Mayor Here?

Really.

I swear.

Ok, really lame play on words coming.

Stop what you're doing and cruise on in to Crews 'N right as soon as you get the ankle bracelet off Lindsay!

Crews 'N, where the drinks are cheap and the guys are a whole lot better looking after two hours of two 4 one!

CREWS 'N
1000 E. SAHARA
LAS VEGAS NV 89104

Hours: I don't know until whenever you throw up on your best friend.

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-09-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

GET LOW

Starring: Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, Cissy Spacek and Lucas Black

What it's about: Really?

No. Really?

It premiered at the Toronto Film Festival.

Hi,was that me snoring?

Listen,I'm Gay, I am genetically programmed to like Sissy Spacek, I mean, hellooo, Coal Miners Daughter!

But, let's be honest here, put this cast in a blender and Elmers Glue drying in a 3rd graders hair would hold my interest better.

Jesus H. Christ, that was a long sentence.

Moi is famished.

And I would gladly eat my way through the thighs of that fat girl from Hairspray to get out of seeing this turgid Canadian premiered "cinema".

"Premiered At The Toronto Film Festival".

Roll that around in your brain.

Yup.

That's a blod clot forming.

I'm jes sayin'.

Thank me later.

Btw.

I meant the fat girl from the second Hairspray. The one with John "Zenu is calling" Travolta.

The sucky one.

Yeah. Her.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE

Starring: A bunch of skinny white people. And, probably, a Black guy.

What It's About: Even though my Moobs could easily fill a "Touch Me Gently" training bra, I am not a 15 year old white girl.

Really.

I swear.

Listen, all I know is it took me two years of shame waiting for Taylor Lautner to be legal to look at without his shirt on.

Of that, I am not proud.

The last thing I'm doing is putting on a raincoat and going into a theater to see what the hell this Twilight crap is all about.

If I wanted two hours of blood sucking white people and hairy beasts, I would get back together with my Armenian ex-boyfriend.

What was his name?

Arshad? Arpad? Armen? Arvid? Arslan?

But.

I digress.

Arvil?

THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE

Starring: Nicholas Cage and some other people who couldn't get H-1 visas so they probably filmed this in some Godforsaken former socialist republic.

Or.

Vancouver.

What It's About: Nicholas Cage is in it.

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY 18 SEPT 2010

2010-09-18T00:23:00.000-07:00

THE SAUSAGE FACTORY / SATURDAYS 10AM – 1PM (PST)
www.vegasallnetradio.com

The Sausage Factory is for those of you who’ve grown tired of those who quote Glenn Beck and politicians who talk out of both sides of their mouths. Surely you’ve thought, “Gee, why isn’t there a show that mixes politics, entertainment. Gay crap and life all in one easily digestible package?”

Surely.

In a world under attack by right wing whack jobs and boring people, two Gay guys (we are NOT together!) and a sassy, straight, light skinned Black girl bring you laughs and, hopefully, learn you something while we’re at it.

Join Chris Miller, Laura Martin and Derek Washington as they take you behind the scenes from DC to Hollywood to show you how life is made. That is if you’re brave enough to hear the truth, in The Sausage Factory.

This week’s guests are:

10:23 Peter Yacobellis with the week in New York politics and all the latest on his very special 50th Birthday party featuring Michelle Clunie & Lance Bass. He’s not 50? Really? Wow.

10:45 Ask a Tranny with Equality Nevada’s own Jane Heenan. And yes, this segment does have the catchiest theme song this side of Fresno.

11:00 Joseph Smith from Stonewall will tell us about the record number of LGBT candidates this year in Maryland. Can’t wait to find out what’s in the water there! And can we ship it nationwide?

11:26 Phil Attey answers the question, “can you be Gay and Catholic”? Openly, that is.

11:43 Nadine Smith gives us a peek inside the world of Marco Rubio, Kendrick Meeks and the newly Gay lovin’ Charlie Crist from her vantage point at Equality Florida. Maybe we’ll find out what’s in Charlie’s closet. Other than his beard…combs.

12:12 Mark Ebner is in the house to blow the lid off the pot ‘O scandal that’s brewing in Tinseltown and points far and near. Can’t wait to find out what’s inside Paris’s snatc..uh, bag of goodies these days.

12:28 J Webb with the latest in Sports. Poor JWebb, every week he thinks he’ll finally get Derek to understand the difference between a tight end and a good date. Hmmm.

12:40 Derrick Mathis brings a little color commentary from The Hills. Baldwin Hills, that is. Y’all come on down now, ya here?

Twitter Trenz is always “educational” with Laura “Light Skin” Martin leading us down the Rabbit hole to the land of twits.

The Sausage Factory. Four out of five Ex-Gays agree, it’s the best place to start your relapse.

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-09-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

I’M STILL HERE

Starring: The dirty currently living Phoenix brother.

What it’s About: Who the fuck cares or knows? I had the distinct displeasure of standing outside of LAVO one night waiting for the lumpy currently living Phoenix to come out to give a “statement” on his new “career” as a “rapper”. Having an Oscar at home I wondered why this fat hairy tool was making “Malibu’s Most Wanted part Deux”? When Schlomo finally appeared, I noticed the distinct smell of wasting my muthafuckin’ time in the air.

Wrong, I was not.

Let’s get something straight here.

A line you won’t here from moiself all that often.

But, I digress.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

To be perfectly honest, the only member of the Phoenix clan that was even slightly interesting is the one who ate the curb outside of the Viper Room in ’93. Not the broad, Rainwater, Landslide, whatever the fuck her name is. Not the youngest one. And certainly not this one. Why would I want to spend over 10 minutes of my breathing time ,let alone what’s probably going to feel like 3 months in a car with a Blonde FOX news anchor experiencing this “mockumentary”?

I have much better things to do.

Much.

GOING THE DISTANCE

Starring: Drew Barrymore and Justin Long

What It’s About: Who cares, I have a penis.

THE LAST EXORCISM

Starring: Miley Cyrus, Screech from “Saved by The Bell”, Felipe Calderon and Betty White.

What It’s About: White trash wannabe Miley Cyrus is inexplicably drawn to bad boy Screech (in his first non porn role since Celebrity Fat Rehab). Her Grandmother (Betty White) calls on the services of her ex pimp Felipe Calderon to perform an exorcism ,or, if that doesn’t work, put her on The Stroll so she can start “payin’ some bills up in this bitch. I turned my first trick at half her age!”

Miley and Schreech end up turning out Calderon, who will forever have to live down his nude scene (was it THAT cold on set?) with Screech.

Ok, I’m making this shit up.

But, honestly, wouldn’t you rather sit through my version than the crapfest you know this pile of Ca Ca is?

Dian Titus Interview August 28th

2010-09-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

here's the link to the interview

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

2010-08-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

PIRANHA 3D
Starring: A bunch of white people who used to have agents and Ving Rhames as “The Black Guy.”

What’s it about: Really? The name of this excuse to charge an extra $4 for 3D glasses is freakin’ “PIRANHA 3D! Let’s guess, shall we? I’m thinking a bunch of white people (and Ving Rhames as “The Black Guy”) go to a lake and due to a Meth lab blowing up near a sewage line that leads directly into said lake a bunch of Piranhas are exposed to chemicals that turn them into Glenn Beck loving Teabbagers with an appetite for human flesh.

Or some such.

I digress.

Anyways, these plucky lake goers (btw, Richard Dreyfuss is in this movie! WTF dude, owe your coke dealer that much? You couldn’t hock the Oscar?) ..where was I? Oh. Yeah. So, these former stars somehow get into some hardcore partying with a bunch of spoiled teens, who end up fish bait,

Sluts first.

Ving Rhames (as “The Black Guy”) does something really Blackploitation-y and some white guy saves the day and kisses whatever white girl is left as we see that one of the Meth addicted killer Piranhas has survived to live on for “Piranha 3D pt Deux” starring Joyce Dewitt in her comeback turn as a lesbian camp counselor.

Oscar calling.

THE SWITCH

Starring: Jennifer “I’m never gonna be a movie star, am I?” Aniston. Juliette “Yeah, I’m weird. Wanna fuck while I feed my Iguana?” Lewis and some white guy.

What’s it about: Ok, let’s talk. When the second lead female is a woman who probably spends her downtime cutting your ex-husbands’ initials into her inner thigh, I’m thinking you’re probably doing your next to last movie before you start going up against Valerie Bertinelli for a movie of the week over at Lifetime.

Anyways, what’s her name stars in an autobiographical movie about a soon to be middle aged hairdo who has no man and yet, wants to spawn as she realizes that this her last chance.

To have a baby. Or. To have a hit movie. Finally.

In Aniston’s continuing descent into “This Weeks Guest Host on Good Morning Fresno” territory, she eventually fills a Turkey Baster with man goo and somehow Juliette Lewis manages to mix her own Vegan Almond Milk with Jennifer’s future progeny and…well…hilarity ensues.

In another movie.

In another theater.

Honestly, have you, or anyone that you know, EVER paid to see a Jennifer Aniston movie?

That’s what I thought.

IT'S A SECRET, BUT, I'LL TELL YOU.

2010-08-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

Need a place to chill on the weekends that has an adult vibe that is a good mix of straight and Gay?

Wanna lay back in comfy couchettes while you scope the talent wandering through a multi-level, upscale environment?

Do't you want to kick it a club with hip Muzak where you can still hold a convo without texting your target, uh, I mean, "new friend"?

Ever wonder why Gay clubs don't have pole dancing?

You have.

You know you have.

I know the place that will fulfill all your needs and add a few you didn't know you had.

It's called SECRET.

In the former lair of the Velvet Lion, SECRET is a large club set up on multiple levels where every couch and table is a good one. The deep chocolates and shimmering golds make everyone look a tad better.

Nearly.

Everyone.

Really.

I swear.

In addition to being a beautiful spot to have a night out with the homies and homettes, SECRET is full of an attractive (and rare in Vegas), diverse staff who treat each person like they actually want you there.

Don't know what you want? Have one of the friendly bar staff whip up a concoction based on your fave flaves.

I did.

You should.

Tonight is Le Opening Grand.

That's French for, "Bitch, get your high heel sneakers and your wig hat, cause we goin' out!"

So, come out and see what the buzz is all about.

But, remember, it's SECRET.

Shhh....

SECRET Boutique & Cabaret 3750 S Valley View Las Vegas
Open Thurs thru Sat nights regularly 10-5am

ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOWS FOR THE BEST END OF SUMMER JAM EVAH!

2010-08-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

Don't even try to tell me that you don't feel this JizzyJam!

IT'S WAR! BITCHEZ. GA GA WARS!

2010-08-06T17:36:00.000-07:00

Load your Videophones and your eyeliner up!

Why?

Maybe it's Maybelline?

Uh. No.

It's WAR!

GA GA WAR!

Really.

I swear.

So get your best GA GA on and come on down to CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE for yet another Eduardo Cordova Presents BADASS event.

There's $1500 in cash prizes for the best GA GA looks!

Just think, if you win, you aint gotta flirt with ugly for a cocktail.

I'm jes sayin'.

Like you never.

Bitch. Please.

Are you up for battle?

Prove it Ho.

Get down to CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE this Sunday August 08 1030pm until the last GA GA is standing on 8" of hard heels!

GUEST LIST & VIP RESERVATION CONTACT 702-693-8300

DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @EDUARDOPRESENTS

CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE
The Mirage Resort & Casino
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

TONIGHT! HOW ABOUT AFTER HOURS ACTION WITH SOME BROTHERS?

2010-08-06T16:37:00.000-07:00

Wondering what to do tonight after the Big Hand meets the Little Hand in Vegas tonight?

Wonder no more!

Get yo' self down to the Picardy Suite at the luxurious Paris Hotel and have a chill After Hours Vegas stylee!

There's no charge to enjoy the view and the Vodka drinks are only $5!

Speaking of that view, there's gonna be some FINE man views from around the country that The Vegas Style Guy KNOWS YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS!

BROTHERS
After Hours at The Paris Hotel
Picardy Suite

Free Entry / Full Bar / $5 Vodka Drinks / Fine Bros!

3655 Las Vegas Blvd S, Las Vegas, NV 89109

WELCOME NETROOTS TO A WEEKEND OF FUN VEGAS STYLEE!

2010-07-23T17:45:00.000-07:00

Join Stonewall Democrats of Southern Nevada for a weekend of fun Vegas Stylee!

Ok, activists, it’s time to have a little fun! Join us for a view of Vegas you’ll only see with a local as your guide.

FRIDAY 23 JULY

8pm Camp 107, The Arts Factory "Blazing Saddles"

This is where you can come and for only $5 get a free Chocolate Martini and watch the classic Mel Brooks movie “Blazing Saddles” while dipping your feet in our Icee kiddie pools under our cooling misters. This is Vegas for locals in the “18B Arts District” 107 E Charleston 89104 only a short cab ride from the Rio Hotel.
Make sure you buy a Stonewall Raffle ticket! Hosted by Derek Washington

SATURDAY 24 JULY

11pm STONEWALL DEMOCRATS OF SOUTHERN NEVADA PARTY AT “HEAVEN @ BARE POOL”!

All Netroots participants are welcome for free. This week’s party features Tyra from Rupaul’s DRAG RACE!
HOT NEON GOGOS guests get lots of NEON swag!
GUEST DJ MIKE BRYANT
$5 VODKA DRINKS / $5 COORS / $9 VODKA RED BULLS
Stonewall has a VIP Cabana ,so, stop by to experience Vegas Stonewall stylee and we’ll hook you up with VIP service at a discount which is a great way for groups to save money on cocktails!

We’re also celebrating MECHA’s Adan Martinez’ 21st birthday!

Tell them you are on Derek Washington’s Stonewall Netroots Guestlist!
Heaven At Bare Pool at The Mirage

3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

Pandora Boxx + $7 Vodka Drinks + Open Bar from 1030-1130pm = Eduardo Cordova Presents, HEAVEN!

2010-07-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

The misters are in place, but, they may not cool you down after DJ Relapse throws down the sounds that make you sweat while the Go Gos are Go Going!

With TWO performances, Pandora Boxx is gonna do her best to make sure the heat stays turned up as you cool off with your tasty $7 Drank Du Vodka.

Get thee to HEAVEN at Bare Pool at The Mirage for a cool time on this hot summer night for the best LGBT time to be had on the world famous Strip! Make sure you get there early to sip the gratis liquidity! Check out the laser show whilst you chillax in your muy privado cabana sippin’ on potato juice. VIP service? Just call 702 693 8300 for VIP and guest list.

Hurry up and get your club on at HEAVEN!

EDUARDO CORDOVA PRESENTS

HEAVEN at Bare Pool at The Mirage!
10pm until you just take anymore player!
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

AUNTIE MAME @ BAR BISTRO AT THE ARTS FACTORY!

2010-06-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

JOIN ME TONIGHT UNDER THE STARS WITH THE STARS!
CAMP 107!
THE ARTS FACTORY
107 E Charleston 89104 (@ Main St) in the 18b Arts District

Camp 107 is a Friday night cinematic event bringing film and fun lovers together in the downtown 18b LV Arts District. A chance to hang out under the stars while enjoying classic movies away from the DVD player.

CAMP 107 is hosted by movie fanatic Derek 'The Vegas Style Guy" Washington. Projected onto The Arts Factory east wall, the summer film series will include everything from the groundbreaking "METROPOLIS" from 1929 to Jane Fonda's romp through space in "BARBARELLA". In addition, such camp classics as "AUNTIE MAME" and the ultimate Joan Crawford flick "MILDRED PIERCE" will screen while drinking games and trivia contests abound! Starting with a good old fashioned cocktail hour, and there will be everything from snacks to full meals available from Bar + Bistro at The Arts Factory.

$10 entry fee includes one free evening's specialty libation.

Cocktail reception – 9:00pm – 10:00pm

Roll Film – 10:00pm

Intermission – 10:45 – 11:00pm

Film ends 11:30pm

Bocce and Bar till end

Music provided by the Music & Arts Society!

TONIGHT!
June 25 – Auntie Mame: This Rosalind Russell classic from 1958 follows young Patrick Dennison as he is placed in the wacky hands of his eccentric Auntie Mame. The movie is chock full of plot twists and one liners from a cast that includes Peggy Cass as the hapless Agnes Gooch. Coral Browne steals every scene she's in as Mame's "best" friend, Vera Charles. Forrest Tucker and a bevy of beaus follow Mame as she does her best to survive and raise a young boy in the best way she knows how. Joanna Barnes nearly walks away with the movie as upper middle class snob Gloria Upson. This will be "CAMP 107" grand opening VIP screening, so, reserve a seat early!

CAMP 107 FULL SCHEDULE http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=129731713723736&ref=ts

CAMP 107: AN URBAN EXPERIENCE / TONIGHT: BARBARELLA!

2010-06-18T17:19:00.000-07:00

CAMP 107!

WHEN: Tonight!

TIME: 9PM

WHERE: BAR BISTRO @ THE ARTS FACTORY 107 E Charleston @ Main St

Tonight I begin my summer outdoor urban experience with a night of speciality cocktails, great food AND Jane Fonda in the camp classic BARBARELLA!

We'll be watching the movie under the stars while hanging out in a casual environment and having a good time. There will be Barbarella trivia contests and a raffle to benefit AFTERNOON ALL STARS!

ADMISSION: $10 (Includes one free speciality cocktail) $20 speciality Pitchers and $60 VIP service (includes TWO Pitchers of speciality drinks and appetizers for FOUR!)

HOUSE MUSIC COMES TO 18B AND DA MAYOR COMES WITH IT!

2010-06-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

Vegas Media & Friends Invited to Celebrate Launch of Music & Arts Society
in Downtown Las Vegas to Benefit and Educate Youth in Music & Arts

Who’s Who of the Music & Arts Scene Expected for June 10, 5 p.m. Red Carpet Event
To Preview Exhibition of “Spin” Evolution of the DJ
LAS VEGAS, NV, June 6, 2010 – Jesse Saunders, world-renowned DJ/producer, remixer and originator of the musical genre “House Music,” and Evelyn Thompson, artist, interior designer, speaker, visionary and social architect, co-founders of the Music & Arts Society, will celebrate the official launch of their nonprofit organization with a VIP Red Carpet event Thursday, June 10, 2010 from 4 p.m-7 p.m. at The Arts Factory located in 107 E. Charleston Blvd. in Downtown Las Vegas (at the corner of Charleston Blvd. and Main Street)

Mayor Oscar Goodman will be on hand at 5 p.m. to present an official proclamation proclaiming Thursday, June 10, 2010 as “Music & Arts Society” Day in Las Vegas. Guests will be treated to the gourmet foods and libations. Entertainment will be offered throughout the evening.

The VIP party officially launches the Music & Arts Society and presents a Preview Exhibition of the “Spin”, Evolution of the DJ Exhibit, a permanent display which will chronicle the technological advances of the modern DJ from its antiques roots with Thomas Edison in 1877 to modern times. The exhibit will also educate visitors about the pioneers, who paved the way for contemporary DJs, and the new music genre known as House/Electronic Music.

A 501 (c) (3) organization, the Music & Arts Society is dedicated to preserving the historical and artistic foundations of the arts and today’s popular music know as electronic music, which has its roots in the prolific genres of yesterday (i.e. blues, jazz, rock ‘n roll, new rave and disco).

The Music and Arts Society supports the greater Las Vegas community by teaching youth how to navigate the arts and music industries through creative, educational and practical programs, such as “Art of the DJ Clinic, which will officially start on June 9, 2010 at the Electronic Music Café. Upon completion of the course, students will have mastered the technique necessary to become the artist, known as the DJ, and forge a successful career – which can last a lifetime! To register for classes, e-mail Jesse@ElectronicMusicCafe.org.

The goal of the Music & Arts Society is to educate students in all aspects of art and music from song writing, production and mixing to design, distribution and branding using the latest technology available to offering a wide range of training in the visual arts. Students will be trained by the best – world class artists, producers, DJs and entrepreneurs from all areas of the arts and music industries.

Media are invited to enjoy the party and interview VIPs. Please contact Trish Williamson at 702-429-1623 or at twb@lvprco.com for information or interviews. The event will be streamed live on www.ElectronicMusicCafe.com.

IT'S CINCO DE MUNDO TIME!

2010-05-05T11:55:00.000-07:00

Not only is 05 de Mayo a time for partying Latin Style, now, it's a time for hangin' Muy Deliciosa Estilo!

Ok, I went to school in the suburbs, Moi's Espanol might be a little West Covina.

BUT.

I'm simply trying to tell you that it's time to get your Grub y Fiesta on at the best Haute Mexican Comida place in town, MUNDO!

First. I'll fill you in on The Hour of The Happy.

Everything from "Street Style" Tacos (YUM!)at $3 to my personal fave, the "Queso Flameado" which is a gooey blend of Asadero and Goat Cheese along with all sorts of other deelishesness topped off with a Serrano Chile Drizzle!

Did I say Yum yet?

YUM!

Of course it wouldn't be Cinco De anything without a selection of tasty Beers and specialty Cocktails.

Of. Course.

MUNDO has a killer bar area for chatting and barstool falling.

I mean conversating.

It's a word.

En El Barrio.

Make sure you try the Drink de Casa, the "Alien Cosmos"!

Or.

You can always have the drink that they named after Moiself, the "Sassy Senorita", a muy sassy blend of fresh lime, 100% Blue Agave Tequila and Prickly Pear Puree (see, I told you they named it after Moi! Who is more "Prickly" than Moiself? I ask.).

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

OVER A DOZEN BEERS ARE JUST $2 OR DOS PRESIDENTS DEL MUERTE!

Happy hour is from 3 - 6 pm in the Bar / Lounge area, btw.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S EVEN MAS!

MAS! I TELL YOU!

MAS!

MUNDO is also where you should be having your Cinco Dinner!

Okay, I have to admit, I am ADDICTED to MUNDO'S "Poblano Corn" Soup!

Well, that and Prada, but, I digress.

And At only $8, I can afford a hella lot more of the Poblano than the Spring/Summer 2010 collection.

Also, don't leave until you've had the OMG! tasty "Sea Scallops" with a most interesting Avocado leaf crust.

Ok, I must say yum again.

YUM!

OMG Heather! Moi is getting a might thirsty and muy Hungriosa!

It's a word.

So, get yourself on to the Hautest spot in The Downtown, MUNDO, and get your Cinco on!

HINT: Ask for a seat outside and enjoy the comings and goings!

MUNDO

A Culinary Haute Spot

(702) 270-4400

Downtown @ The World Market Center
495 S Grand Central Pky
Las Vegas, NV 89106

www.mundolasvegas.com

THE LATEST FROM MISS B!

2010-05-04T13:35:00.001-07:00

I don't know when it happened, wait, yes I do.

I first got a boner for Beyonce when she Stripper walked down an L.A. alley in the "Crazy In Love" vid.

Everything since then has been spot on.

"Telephone" with Ga Ga is so over the top my head is still pounding from the meth attack on film that it is.

Now?

The latest from B!

"WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

BEST PLACES TO BREAK UP IN THE LV (AND THE WORST!) PT 2: HOT DOGS

2010-05-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

In my never ending quest to help you get through the rough spots of life (stylishly of course), I realize that many of us need to accomplish things on a budget.

Hence.

A little hint on where to end a love gone bad on the cheap.

Everyone loves Hot Dogs.

Slow down Freud Lite, no need to go all Minister on RentBoy.com.

Sometimes a Hot Dog is just a Hot Dog.

So.

Where's the best place to break up while shoving a thin casing covering meat down your throat?

Ok, that was funny.

But. I digress.

BEST HOT DOG PLACE TO BREAK UP
MERMAIDS CASINO
32 Fremont St
Las Vegas, NV 89136
(702) 382-5777

There's no better place to chow down on a Foot Long Coney Island Hot Dog covered in everything God created to give your soon to be Ex a massive coronary than Mermaids on Fremont Street.

The Dogs here start at .99c and the Skank watching is gratis. The place is a cacophony of loud music and emergency sirens. The noise covers any screaming that may ensue and the small ducats spent mean you can run out in a manufactured huff without having spent a paycheck.

By the by. If the now Ex leaves first, have a Fried Twinkie.

Yum.

WORST HOT DOG PLACE TO BREAK UP
ORANGE JULIUS
THE BOULEVARD MALL
LAS VEGAS
NV 89169-3037
702-894-5221

First of all, WTF are you doing dating someone you would be in the Boulevard Mall with? I mean, what are you doing, filming an episode of "Flava of Love"?

Ghetto.

Now, we all love a tasty, frosty delish Orange Julius Orange foamy thingee.

But.

Imagine that Orange thingee all over your new Ed Hardy Douche T.

Not pretty.

Worst part is that at The Boulevard Mall those ghetto bitches won't turn away embarrassed for you. Aw Hells To The No!

Your ass will be videophoned up to YouTube under "Gay Breakup At Ghetto Ass Mall" so quick your girls will be laughing at you by the time you hit Krave that night.

AND.

Any potential next Exes are forewarned that your ass will take them to some random ghetto ass mall to break up with them.

Not cute.

BEST PLACES TO BREAK UP IN THE LV (AND THE WORST!) PT 1: WITH A VIEW

2010-05-04T09:04:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest here.

If "Spring Is For Lovers" then "Summer Is For Others".

I mean, honestly, who wants to be tied down in Vegas during Pool Party Season?

Who?

So, in the interest of your best, I've decided to make things a tad easier on you when you decide to break up with that pasty ball of dough you managed to make it through a gift certificate from The Gap at Christmas and some Walgreens chocolates on Valentines Day with.

But wait Mon Petite Lothario, in the interest of saving you a bit of embarrassment, I've also included the places you DON'T want to break up! After all, a breakup can be easy like KY on a Turkey baster or messy like ,well, any member of the Lohan family.

No one likes messy.

No. One.

Herewith, the best places IN THE LV to break(and NOT)up with a not so significant anymore other.

Really.

I swear.

TO BREAK UP WITH A VIEW:

SKYJUMP LAS VEGAS @ THE STRATOSPHERE
2000 Las Vegas Boulevard South Las Vegas, NV 89104

After a short lesson in safety (not that you care anymore), your loved one is strapped in a harness 108 stories above The Strip and standing on the edge of the tallest building West of someplace I'm not interested in.

A quick kiss.

The words, "I'm thinking we should see other people".

A quick shove.

Voila!

You are free!

Best part? The elevators at The Stratosphere are so fast that you can probably wave goodbye from the street below just about the time your freshly ex is hovering over the pavement safely in that harness.

Best $100 you've ever spent.

That harness, I mean.

Jump Hours: 12pm - 7pm
Store Hours: 10am - 10pm

$99.99 Per Jump

PACKAGE 1: Jump/DVD $114.99
In addition to the jump, get a DVD recording of the event.
PACKAGE 2: Jump/DVD/PHOTO $129.99
Includes one jump, a DVD record of the event and a photo of the high flyer.
PACKAGE 3: Jump/T-Shirt/DVD $130.99
Your jump comes with one T-shirt plus a DVD documenting the event.

WORST PLACE TO BREAK UP WITH A VIEW:

MT CHARLESTON 35 Miles West of Las Vegas

While it's alluring mix of cool air and hiking combined with GORGEOUS views may make Mt. Charleston seem like a great place to break up with a view, it is decidedly not.

Drawbacks, you ask?

For one thing, 35 miles is quite a while to be in the motor vehicle with someone who grates on your nerves like a fat stripper on a dry pole.

Also, unlike the Sky Jump Las Vegas, there is no harness involved and shoving someone from a high spot onto a rocky below is a Felony.

The Resort on Mount Charleston
2 Kyle Canyon Rd
Las Vegas, Nevada 89124
Toll Free: (888) 559-1888
Local: (702) 872-5500

IT'S OFFICIAL! HEAVEN IS YOUR AFTER PARTY PRIDE PLACE!

2010-05-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

Wanna get your After Pride on?

Of course you do.

Who ya gonna call?

You ask.

I tell.

HEAVEN!

Of course Super Club Cutie Eduardo Cordova is your host for The Official After Pride Party at HEAVEN!

Did you doubt?

If you haven't been to HEAVEN, well, you simply haven't been.

Really.

I swear.

Of course at an Eduardo Cordova Presents one would expect the best muzak.

One would.

Well.

Tonight, E to the C is throwing TWO , count 'em TWO DJ's at ya!

First up, L.A.'s loss tonight is HEAVEN's gain. DJ Monteiro is in the city that never stops partying all the way from The Abbey in Weho to get the after party started!

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

LIVE!

PERFORMANCES!

Paradiso Girls, Erika Jayne and The Vixxens are giving it to you in the real live!

Might there be more?

You ask.

WELL, DUH!

Super Duper International DJ Hector Fonseca will be in the music cage making yo rump pump to the beat!

As per usual, all of this Funosity is FREE up 'till 12am Midnite for locals and the lucky ones on the list du guest!

Wanna get on that list?

How bad?

Tee. Hee.

Oh, I'll just tell you how.

Give the most Fuego VIP host Jason Baca @ 702 485 9294 a jingle for all of your VIP needs!

HEAVEN @ BARE POOL
THE MIRAGE
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

Open from 10pm until I decide you should leave.i

International DJ Hector Fonseca
Opening DJ Monteiro (from The Abbey LA)

Performances by:
Paradiso Girls
Erika Jayne
The Vixxens

Doors at 10:30pm

Free for locals & guest list until 12a

KICK OFF PRIDE! GET DOWN WITH LISA & RACHEL!

2010-04-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

Aw yeah Aw yeah!

Wave yo hands in the air! Wave 'em like you just don't don't care!

It's time to get DOWN Baby Bubba!

Yup, the Ladies who like the Ladies get to kick off Pride 2010 all special like with a night all their own at the FABULOUS Ghostbar.

You'll be checking out the ladies ,but, when your pupils get tired from swinging back and forth, feast on the view from the 55th floor floating over the lights of Las Vegas.

Who knows, maybe you'll soon be sharing a first kiss with the party lights at your feet?

Hosted by those two Queens of the night, uber bad ass DJ Lisa Pittman & tres adorable Rachel Wenman, DOWN is going to The best way to start getting your Pride on this week.

Expectations? You got some?

Let me guess what they might be.

Slammin' muzak?

Uh, you not payin' attention? DJ LISA PITTMAN IS UP IN THE MUSIC BOOTH MAKING THE STEEL WHEELS WORK!

Live performances?

GOD-DES & SHE will be giving it to you!

HOT Women?

Need you ask?

Fun?

Included in the admission Gurlfriend!

So, where ya gonna be Thursday?

Down.

I said WHERE YOU GONNA BE THURSDAY!?!?!?!!!!!?

DOWN!

That's better.

DOWN AT GHOSTBAR @ THE PALMS
A NIGHT FOR CURIOUS WOMEN
PALMS CASINO RESORT
4321 West Flamingo Road, Las Vegas, NV 89103

10pm until they turn on the lights!

HEAVEN IS A LUCITE COVERED POOL ON EARTH

2010-03-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

Now you must know by now that yours truly is quite the wallflower.

Really.

I swear.

Mois Saturday nights are filled with warm milk and a nice book.

No.

Mas.

It seems that owner of the most lickable dimples in Le Cite, Eduardo Cordova has managed to ruin my quiet evenings.

Yet. Again.

Into my comfortable little bit of Hell, our little burgh's own Promoter Ultimate has decided to lucite over a pool and put a dance floor where a dance floor ought to be and lo and behold, Heaven!

Lo.

And.

Behold.

Indeed.

Yes Mon petite Animals Du Partay (that's French for: Damn Gurl, I needs a whole new look for the club!), the Village that never sleeps now has a place for vous to throw your hands in the air.

Whilst waving them like you just don't care.

ON SATURDAY NIGHT!

Hells to the yeah!

It seems that having the only LGBT club worth going to every Sunday night , Closet Sundays @ Revolution Lounge wasn't enough, E To The C has now gone and turned the Bare Pool at The Mirage into the most happening y hip club in the whole LV! Saturdays now have a reason to exist and its raison de etre is HEAVEN!

Btw, have vous heard of a little App called GRINDR? Well, if you just happen to have it on your fancy phone, you and your Bitchez can help celebrate the one year anniversary of this Homo hunter and get into Heaven for free before midnite just by flashing GRINDR at the doorbabe.

Did Moi happen to mention that there is also OPEN BAR until midnite for those of you who manage to get your outfits together before the witching hour?

Well.

There is.

DJ's, did you say, "what about the DJ's?"

Of course you did.

Well.

DJ Brett Henrichsen and DJ Relapse will be throwing the sounds at Yo ass till the break of dawn.

DJ's are the new Rock Stars.

Don't you know.

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MORE!

Seven will be your lucky number as you frolic under the stars slurping on the $7 Vodka & Coors specials.

Wondering what those streaks of light are that just went off over your Fauxhawk?

No, it didn't just kick in Alice.

IT'S THE MASTERBEAT.COM LASER SHOW!

Trip.

Out.

Enjoy the cool Spring air as Angel Go Go's do what they do best.

Go.

Go.

All night long.

Oh.

My.

I'm already fatigued.

Muy.

But.

Not.

You.

What are vous waiting for?

Text "STARS" to 25827 to RSVP for FREE Cover & Get updates!

Of course you and your crew de partay will be wanting a VIP place to plant it and a bottle.

Of. Course.

Well.

Give a jingle to the owner of the hottest smolder in the LV, Jason Baca at 702-485-9294.

BUT WAIT!

You don't have GRINDR?

Say it aint so!

Bitch.

Go to http://www.Grindr.com to download the free app today!

Bitch.

HEAVEN SATURDAY NIGHTS @ THE BARE POOL LOUNGE

Mirage Resort and Casino
3400 Las Vegas Blvd S
Las Vegas, NV 89109

10:30pm - Until I steal your boyfriend.

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING

2010-03-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

Yes.

It's another weekend here in the Cite Le Sin.

And what does that mean kiddies?

No. Not meth and Campbell's Soup.

Unless it's the Classic.

Tomato.

It's Movie time!

Well, let me save you a few ducats and guide you away from the dreckiest of the dreck.

To whit: MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING

THE BOUNTY HUNTER
Starring: The chick from Friends. The Gay guy from that one Gladiator movie who I would do.

Why I won't be seeing it: Ok, look. The chick from Friends just aint a movie star. She aint got "It". Simple. Fer chrissakes, she did that dog movie and he stole all of her scenes. If he had been willing to do a nude he could have just done her role entirely. That Gay is hot in a totally doucheville for beginners sorta way. But. He couldn't act his way out of a parking ticket with his shirt off in West Hollywood.

AVATAR
Starring: The Smurfs
Why I won't be seeing it: I don't live in my mom's basement.

REMEMBER ME
Starring: That guy who isn't very cute but no one will say so out loud from those awful Vampire movies that I totally don't get but then I have actually had sex with someone other than my dad. Some white girl

Why I won't be seeing it: Wtf is up with this new crop of nobodies that H'wood keeps foisting on us? There's that one jailbait dude who has eyes so close together he looks like Futurama (nice tits though). And this Patinson freak. His hair could go solo and he would be missed less than Andrew Rigidly(or whatever his name was. And who knew George Michael would end up a nasty ole crack head looking for ween in bathrooms at the park? But. I digress.). I don't even know whatthis movie is about and I hate it. The poster makes me want to go to Borders and just beat the living hell out the girl who stocks the "Romance" section. Btw, Sweetheart, that genero-Fabio is not going to suddenly come to life and start liking fat chicks if you paw the cover long enough. Yeah, I saw that. Euw.

You wanna go c a good movie this weekend?

X-Tube.

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY (DON’T I LOOK GOOD? or MY WHOLE LIFE IS ON FACEBOOK!)

2010-03-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning at my mom’s house where I’ve been taking refuge away from life in the city. Ok, I live Downtown and she lives in “almost Summerlin”, but the point is, I’ve run home to Mommy for some R&R. In the last 21 plus years of my life, I’ve often run home to Mommy.

Sometimes it was because I “had” to. I am what might have been called in another era, incorrigible. No, promiscuous, oh wait, I meant precocious.

Really.

I swear.

I’ve always managed to escape my father’s level headedness and calm manner and instead, gone full steam into my mom’s go live life to the fullest and if it knocks you down, put on some Motown and “Keep On Truckin’”.

After all, around very corner, there’s something.

Always.

Sometimes good. Sometimes, not so good.

But.

There’s always mom’s when you need to retreat.

A lot of people get rather tiresome with the melancholia of their birthday. There is nothing so loathsome as one who looks at a birthday as a reason to cry over chances lost. Opportunities blown. People not fucked, oh, sorry, I meant not met.

Balderdash!

Of course, even I had a moment when I woke up at my mom’s house and went into the garage to take a look at my favorite painting. It’s of me and my mom. She is in one of her custom made evening gowns with dyed to match shoes and I’m in a red velvet Little Lord Fauntleroy suit with my favorite white turtleneck like Tony Curtis used to wear.

My ex, Juan painted it as gift to my mom on Christmas many years ago.
I miss him. I’ve been looking for him ever since we broke up. So far, I’ve only found 2D examples in a 3D world.

So.

There I was looking at all the stuff in the garage. Everything boxed up and cellophane. Untouched since the day my mom moved in here. All this stuff used to be displayed proudly all over my mom’s dream house in Desert Shores. After Dad started having strokes and had to move away before he died, health care costs ate up everything they had worked for, mom lost the house and all the dreams ended up in the garage.

Along with my Grandmother. Seems mom has her urn in there somewhere.

Ok, sidenote: When I was a little kid, my grandmother, Lois Dickens, was supposed to babysit me. You know, read me books, draw stuff, all that crap that white people did in the sixties.

WELL.

Mom would go off to work and my uncle Bobby Jr (just a few years older and like my brother even now) would go to school. My grandmother would place me in front of the TV while she started to get ready. After awhile, she would come out looking way too good for “Mornings with the cutest child ever to have been born”.

You know.

Me.

She would spend a few minutes spreading rumors with her girlfriend Gloria on the phone and at twelve noon sharp the world came to a stop. We sat everyday and watched “All My Children”. One day a dark haired girl in a miniskirt and the best knees I’ve ever seen came on.

Erica Kane!

I don’t know how many of those of you who practice “the love that dare not speak it’s name” actually have ever thought about this, but, we have all had a moment when we started on our path to a full membership into the FFA.

Future Fags of America.

Erica Kane was mine.

Back to my grandmother.

At one o’clock on the dot we made our way towards our coats, both of us fussing about the comings and goings of Pine Valley. Me trying not to be too enthusiastic about Erica’s long brown hair or the cool way she slanted her Tam over to one side so that it just grazed her eyebrow.

Watch how I wear a hat to this day. It’s always “Erica Kane” style.

Of course at this point you’re thinking that the two of us had a bucolic day of the zoo and a quick trip through the A&P.

You aint never met Lois Dickens.

We would saddle up the street and into “Jack’s Back Door Lounge” where the elite went to greet. Somebody would hand me a fistful of change and off to the jukebox I would go.

“I said SHOT GUUUUUUNNNNNN! SHOOT HIM ‘FORE HE RUN NOW!”

Yup, put on your high heel sneakers and your wig hat ‘cause Lois and Derek is in the club!

I knew about a rum and coke before I knew how to read. I could tell you the latest Smokey & The Miracles record the day it came out because I used to watch the man come in and change the records in the jukebox on Thursdays.

“JIMMY, JIMMY, OH JIMMY MACK, WHEN ARE COMING BACK?”

Anyway, the day would wrap up in time for us to go to the A&P and get home in time for my grandmother to start dinner before Bobby Jr would get home and she could start fussing at him about everything. Before my grandfather would get home smelling of the old junk he loved to go collecting and the “good smelling stuff” he lathered himself in (I do the same to this day). And before my mom came in looking like Cindy Birdsong from the Supremes to take me upstairs where we waited for my dad, both of us wanting to reach him first to smother him. Of course, neither of us ever mentioned to my mom what we did all day and as long as I was still alive and hadn’t fucked up my clothes she brought me back from London or Paris, she was cool.

Fuck.

Where was I?

Oh.

Yeah.

So, I’m in the garage and I can’t find ANYTHING when I realize that my entire life is wrapped up and in boxes in my mom’s garage. I never did find the painting. BUT, I did find a box of my old 45’s from when I was a teen in the early 80’s and it was quite chic to carry old lunchboxes and record carriers out to clubs like “The Odyssey”.

“BEATNIK BEACH, YEAH YEAH, BEATNIK BEACH, OH YEAH!”

Cool.

Anyways.

It got me to thinking that I was actually cool with not being able to touch most of my life because in the last few months, my entire life has shown up again on Facebook.

There’s Jaime Teagle, my first friend in California. Unbeknownst to her, she was a raging Fag Hag. Way before I knew who I was, she was my friend and she dated Craig Curtis!

Prenicia Parnell, who always sat in the latest designer duds with Diana and that other girl Lucretia something or other. Listen, when you watch “Mean Girls”, these three Bitches made those girls look like amateurs.

I wanted them to like me SO bad!

Leonard Applebaum is just as goofy and fun loving as he was when he was the hairiest kid to ever attend Edgewood High School.

Linda Littman who actually runs a wedding chapel right around the corner from from my house and has been married to the same guy since the beginning of time.

Julie Steadman is just as insane as the day they let her out of Lanterman State Hospital on a day pass that turned into a lifetime.

And a million others.

Most importantly, Facebook reconnected me with Mike McElroy.

Ever have a friend that you went through everything with? We taught each other how to be cool. Mike was never afraid to try anything. When everyone else around us was cruising the Ed Taco parking lot, Mike and I were trying out our learner’s permits going to the Whisky A Go Go and cruising Hollywood Blvd daring Jim Hedges to get it on with a hooker. Mike never let his health issues get him down. Got a syringe for your diabetes? Well, now you have a nifty way to make an orange a vodka filled spill free cocktail! I sat through many church services as Mike cruised the pews for the latest Nazarene hussy soon to be making me sit in the back seat. Mike and I threw the kind of parties that can only be described as EPIC. Nerds and Jocks, “Soches” and ASB, they all came and got WASTED when Mike’s parents went out of town! If we were especially lucky, Edgewoods’ own Uncle Albert, Craig Curtis, would do a spot on impersonation of our own, trying way too hard to be popular, Ruth McHugh.

Ruth was a 45 yr old trapped in a 15 yr olds body. Always inventing new dances that no one cared to learn and seeming way more at home in an apron than her Bonjour jeans. Craig, to this day can do her as a combination of “Vita Meata Vegamin” and Sue Ann Nivens on a vodka bender.

Well, There’s Mike. Not wrapped up in my mom’s garage, but, right there on my laptop.
Hmm.

Turns out my life is right there on Facebook.

And I’m cool with that.

So tonite, I’m going off with my new BFF’s, my fellow Democrats who make everyday exciting as we go forth trying to change the world (or, our little part of it) to enjoy just being around friends and being really happy about having another birthday. No big party, just a big ass Cheese Pizza from the best pizza joint in Vegas, Boston Pizza.

If I’m lucky, truly lucky, someone will stop at a grocery store and buy fresh basil because Boston Pizza never has any and I LOVE BASIL ON MY CHEESE PIZZA!
Hint.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! KEEP ON TRUCKIN' Y'ALL!

IT'S OSCAR NIGHT aka "THE GAY SUPERBOWL!" WIN A PRIVATE VIP TABLE AND BOTTLE OF HOOCH TONITE @ CLOSET SUNDAYS AT REVOLUTION LOUNGE!

2010-03-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Well. Well.

Mon Ami.

That's French for, "what up Bitches?"

It's that time of the year again!

No, not the semi-annual 7 For All Mankind Jeans sale.

No, not another Lohan trip to rehab.

No, not another Republican Congressman busted for trashy Gay sex in a bathroom.

IT'S OSCAR NIGHT!

Yes, the Gay Superbowl is back!

Really.

I swear.

And to show you how much he cares about your being able to continue your apres Oscar partying, Closet Sundays @ Revolution Lounge's own cute-alicious Eduardo Cordova is offering you and 5 of your Cinematic scenesters the chance to win a muy privado VIP table and Bottle at Closet Sundays tonight after the big event!

Here's the rules:

You must be in Las Vegas tonight as the offer is only good TONIGHT! (Duh)
Your group must have at least 5 people. (Make sure they look cute)
Gratuities not included (that means TIP THE DAMN WAITRESS. Bitch)

The winner will be the FIRST PERSON TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY IN THE COMMENTS BOX HERE AT THE VEGAS STYLE GUY! The easiest way to answer is to copy and paste the questions in the comment box.

Contestants must include a way of contacting them (#, email, etc.)

HERE WE GO!

Which one of this years Oscar nominees has a mother who performs in the subway?

Who was the first Black Actress to be nominated for Best Actress?

Who designed Cher's dress for the 1986 Oscar ceremony?

Adulteress home wrecker and Oscar winner, Angelina Jolie was married to what “Bad Santa” star?

What is the only X Rated movie to win an Academy Award?

GOOD LUCK!

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MUCHO MAS!

Tonight is also: BRUSH OFF! at CLOSET SUNDAYS!

Oh yes Honey, you want Gay?

Eduardo will give you Gay.

Can you handle the Gay?

Ok.

Get. This.

Face painters from Color Salon, MAC, Kelly Cardenas Salon, & Tease Salon will all be competing for the title of "BEST MAKE UP ARTIST"!

Mind you, it's nowhere near as Glam as my winning the Congeniality portion of the Miss West Covina pageant in '84, but, THERE'S A $1,000 PRIZE!!!!

That's a whole lot of eyeliner Chicas!

As Moiself is currently experiencing the joys of Black men in our nations' capitol, uh I mean, lobbying on important LGBT isssues, tonight's celebrity guest judge is (drum roll please) SOCIALITE JONNY MAKEUP!

Yes.

I know.

As per usual the sounds that make your hips write a check your behind better cash is DJ JASON LEMA!

And even if you don't win the contest, you can still call the utterly edible Jason Baca for the primo VIP service for you and your crew @ 702 485 9294

CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE
THE MIRAGE 3400 S. Las Vegas, Blvd.

10pm until someone tells you, "yes, those jeans do make your ass look fat."

HOLLAAA! THE 21ST CENTURY LESBIAN MOMS MABLEY IS IN THE HOUSE!

2010-02-21T18:23:00.000-08:00

Yup, "The Mouth That Hollaa'd!" , All TAlk Radio's own Schree is at Good Times tonight with her, uh, "special" brand of humour to tickle the back of your throat.

With mirth.

Just mirth.

Tonight's show promises to be a blend of the down.

And the dirty.

I'll be honest, my delicate ears had to adjust to the profanity filled hilarity coming out of a mouth that would make the saltiest of sailors blush.

But.

I found myself doubled over with laughter more than a few times during the show.

You will too.

Trust.

The cover is $5 and the drinks are hella strong.

They will make you HOLLAAA!!

Get down to see Schree at Good Times at 8pm tonight, December 06, 2009!

Be prepared to choke on your own laughter.

Don't worry, I'll hold your hair.

"IN THE TRENCHES WITH SCHREE"

GOOD TIMES

HAPPY 21 JANICE D @ CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE

2010-02-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

Did Moi ever tell you about the time Moiself almost was the world's first Supermodel?

Really.

I swear.

Well.

It was the 80's.

I was 12.

Ish.

It was Milan or Paris or Pomona. One forgets.

Or tries to anyway.

So.

There Moi was being fitted for a muy magnifico Lacroix or Stephen Sprouse, when this Amazonian terror came screeching in all cigarette smoke, lips and legs.

And a mouth that would make a Turkish sailor run to confession.

Moi sized up the competition and got sized up right back.

War. Plain and simple.

Moi was not one to lose a model war.

Or a beauty pageant.

So.

This Amazon and Moi circled each other warily. Moi in a towel and just a hint of Jean Nate. SHE was in some slouchy bit of indifference that screamed "Rich Boyfriend".

Hmph.

Moi decided took go to the loo before coming back out and putting Miss Thing in her suburban place.

Well.

SOMEHOW, the door to the loo was stuck shut upon my exit.

Somehow.

Long story short, that Amazon took my place on the Catwalk that evening and somehow became Janice Dickinson at just the right moment in time to be heralded as the world's first Supermodel!

Bitch.

Well.

Here it is oh so many years later and Moi has gotten over her having the Fab career, hot Playboys, The model agency, Reality TV show and .....MOI'S LIFE!

Hmph.

Moi, being as gracious as Moiself is, am thrilled to know that Janice will be celebrating what must be her 21st birthday (Moi, after all, is a mere 20. Ish.) at , where else? Closet Sundays at Revolution Lounge.

Where else?

Indeed.

The ultimate in Cuteness on The Strip, Eduardo Cordova, is throwing "un Birthday Boite de Swank" for Miss Dickinson this Sunday.

That's French for, "just get to the damn club and bring a friend to hold your hair in case you drink too much, 'cause Moi aint doin' it this week."

BUT WAIT!

Did Moi mention that this little soiree is being sponsored by CRUSH?

You know what that means.

Don't you?

No.

Poor Bitch.

Must Moi tell Vous everything?

Of course.

When CRUSH is in the Casa it means loads of CRUSH Cuties!

Woo.

Hoo.

AND.

Since it is Moi's favorite holiday, Valentines Day, we'll be playing "My Secret Crush"!

And NO, Moi can not be your secret Crush!

Again.

There's still that issue of the restraining order.

As per the usual there will be Muy Caliente Go Go's abounding.

Abounding.

I say.

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MAS!

Oh yes Mon Petite Mess, there's gonna be:

$5 VODKA DRINKS! $5 COORS LIGHTS! $9 VODKA RED BULLS!

Oh my!

AND!

Admission is FREE for locals unlike other places that just leave Vous with a constant Kraving to be somewhere else.

AND!

DJ Jason Lema will be making you shake your rump to the funk all the nighty night long!

Of course, if one wants to get on the guest list or have a reserved table in The VIP, and who doesn't?

Who?

I ask.

One simply must call VIP Host Legendaire, Jason Baca, possessor of the hottest little clipboard in town at 702-485-9294.

Simply.

Must.

See you there Mon little Celebutantes!

Oh. Yeah.

Happy Birthday Miss Janice "I stole your life and I don't even regret it" Dickinson!

CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE

Mirage Resort & Casino
3400 S. Las Vegas, Blvd.

10PM UNTIL MOISELF GETS SO SICK OF LOOKING AT YOU THAT I STEAL YOUR MAN.

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING

2010-02-02T18:28:00.000-08:00

EDGE OF DARKNESS

Starring: Drunken anti-Semite Mel "I am still pissed about the whole Jesus thing!" Gibson

Why I wont be seeing it: Any cineaste knows that without a doubt, the greatest line ever uttered in a motion picture, big or small screen, was Phoebe Cate's immortal line: "Which one of you Bitches is my Mother?", from "Lace".

BRAH.

VO.

Calling Oscar!

Or Emmy.

Whatever.

The best line ever uttered by an actor off of the set is still Mel Gibson's, "What are you looking at Sugar Tits?"

Of course he then went on a rather unbecoming rant about the Jews owning Hollywood and some Batshit crazy stuff about the Holocaust or something very, very.

Very.

I love that "Sugar Tits" line so much I can almost forgive Mel for "Passion of The Christ" and even "Apocto-bore-o", but, the whole Holocaust and the Jews thing makes me nervous.

As a practitioner (rarely) of "The Love That Dare Not Speak It's Name", you now, cornholling, tossing salad, Anal Albert, cruising the Hershey Highway pulling a Ted Haggard, I am pretty sure that if Mel feels that way about the Jews, he probably REALLY hates The Gays.

You can forget about me going anywhere near Nutsie McNutsie or "Edge Of Darkness".

WHEN IN ROME

Starring: Fergie's Husband and some white girl

Why I wont be seeing it: Ok, some white girl goes to Rome and throws money into a fountain and guys fall in love with her.

My last boyfriend threw me into a fountain and wasn't there when I got out.

Okay, yeah, this one hits a nerve.

Ok?

IT'S COMPLICATED

Starring: Meryl Streep and the cast of "I've Fallen and I Can't Get It Up!"

There's nothing complicated about it.

Old people shouldn't have sex.

I removed the mirrors from my bedroom for a reason.

THE BOOK OF ELI

Starring: Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman and Mile Kunis

Why I wont be seeing it: Listen people, Denzel has not been hot in 13 years.

Exactly.

13.

Mila Kunis has a really flat ass.

DIVAS! CLOSET SUNDAYS! REVOLUTION LOUNGE! OH MY!

2010-01-31T14:59:00.000-08:00

Now Moi knows what you are thinking.

And you really should stop that.

Boxers.

Happy now?

Of course you are.

You're probably also wondering what you are going to be doing later tonight.

Probably.

Definitely.

Wonder no more my little Divas in training.

I have, once again, decided for you on your Sunday night pleasures.

You're going to celebrate!

No. Not the end of that pesky bracelet around your ankle.

No one believed it was Prada. By the way. No. One.

Really.

I swear.

No, Mon Cheri, you have something even more important to celebrate than finding a Twenty in your Citizens of The World Jeans that you bought at Buffalo Exchange.

I know. What could top that?

What?

This!

FRANK MARINO'S DIVAS LAS VEGAS OFFICIAL LAUNCH PARTY

OH. MY. GAWD, CHANDLER BING!

Divas will run amongst and amok tonight at the one night of the week that sexilicious party promoter, Eduardo Cordova, leaves his Lair and allows you, mere mortal, to feast upon his cuteness!

Hold on.

Need a moment.

I popped a chubby.

Ok.

I'm back.

Where was I?

Oh.

Yes.

DIVAS!

But. Of course.

Tonight at Closet Sundays @ Revolution Lounge, it's time to put on the Mackie and the maquillage and skeedaddle over to the Mirage for yet another night of cool tunes and Divas performances!

AND DID I MENTION DIVAS?

Well.

Yes I did.

For those of you who've been living under a torrent of grade B entertainers the last few years (I'm not naming names. Lohan.), Let me just tell you that Frank Marino has been THE Diva in Las Vegas since before I got my first Gucci wallet.

Legally.

His show was one of the longest running hits in Las Vegas history. When Frank decided it was time to do it his way, he gathered up his wigs, dresses and wit and moved on to do his own show. His way.

Of course he grabbed a few bedazzled Divas on his way out the door and they are all ready to give it to you DIVA STYLE!

Now.

Tonight, just by being one of the first 100 fun seekers through the door, YOU will be honored with Frank Marinos DIVAS tickets!

Just get there before midnite Cinderella!

Of course, DJ Jason Lema will be serving up the aural sex from the little booth he calls home.

Of course.

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MORE!

Did I mention?

$5 VODKA DRINKS / $5 COORS LIGHT / $9 VODKA RED BULLS!

Well, now I have.

So.

Grab your wig hats and your high heel sneakers and get thee to Closet Sundays @ Revolution Lounge post haste for a night of haute and red hot DIVAS!

Of course, if you're planning on seeing me,(and who isn't?), you'll need to call the best eyebrows attached to the cutest little kisser in town, VIP GAWD Jason Baca and book yourself into the VIP section and bottle up little Divas!

Call Mr. Baca at 702-485-9294 for guest list and reservations as well.

See you there!

CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE
The Mirage
3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd
Las Vegas, NV 89109

DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE THIS FLICK?

2010-01-21T09:57:00.000-08:00

GET YOUR TRANSFORMER PUMPS READY, IT'S TIME FOR "DOWN &DERBY" AT RAIN!

2010-01-20T16:39:00.000-08:00

Moiself has been known to spin around a chic room from time to time.

Seldom on wheels.

Really.

I swear.

Well.

That adorable and sexy little pixie, Racel Wenman, recently invited Moiself to what promises to be the most funtabulous Thursday night in quite some time!

Probably more fun than the Thursday when I Bitch slapped Chris Brown and drank the last of Lil Kims' Hennesy.

What.

Fun.

Well.

It seems that TONIGHT at one of my fave boites, RAIN NIGHTCLUB, there will be a rollickin' and rollin' good time to be had by all.

It's "DOWN & DERBY" inside RAIN!

Yes, fun people line up and strap on a pair of skates and see how long you can spin around the club after a night of cocktails!I mean really, when was the last time you got to play "Kansas City Bomber" in a VIP setting?

Fully libated.

When?

I ask.

Hmph, as I thought.

NEVER!

Of course this being RAIN there's not going to be some tired AM radio "DJ" boring you with Alabama remixes.

No.

Tonight you've got Resident skate guard DJs SHR3D & Supra on the roller disco rink's sound thingee making you bounce as you roll.

Oh. Yeah.

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MAS!

Duh.

It seems Moi's fave nightly open bar, SPY ON VEGAS, is hosting a pre-skate partay at ISLAND BAR!

You know what that means.

You don't?

Poor Bitch.

Moi will explainez vous.

SPY ON VEGAS is offering up le following at THE PALMS ISLAND BAR starting at 8pm:

Free Red Bull & Harlem Liqueur cocktails!

Main Event Drinks:$5 Miller Lite$9 Red Bull & Ketel One Vodka!Of course, being as sophisticated as Moi knows you are, you'll be delighted to know that this will be served in a 12oz collectors sport cup!

Delighted.

You are.

Yummers.

For those of you who didn't make it to Milan in time for the collections, skates sizes 1 - 13 available.

Of course you can bring your own.

I will.

Prada doesn't rent.

Skates are $5 to rent and this event will feature a limbo contest, best couple skate for a cash prize and a custom 80's candy bar!

Delish!

Now.

How does one go about attending this moveable soiree?

You ask.

You did ask.

Uno: RSVP at www.downandderby.org

Dos: Text my Gurl RACHEL WENMAN! 702-810-2858

Either way we're talking mucho mas funno for a fiver!

So.

Bounce.

Shake.

Roll.

Skate.

Over to RAIN & ISLAND BAR at The PALMS tonight!!!!!!

Make sure you say RACHEL WENMAN'S name at the door, otherwise, well...I'll kill you.

Socially.

Ta.

Ta.

Down & Derby Las Vegas Thursday, January 21st
Pe-party @ Palms Island Bar begins at 8pm
Skate party @ RAIN at The PALMS starts at 10pm

THE PALMS
4321 West Flamingo Road, Las Vegas, NV 89103
http://www.palms.com/nightlife_3.php

SUPPORT LOVE @ CLOSET SUNDAYS 2NITE!

2010-01-17T17:02:00.000-08:00

L'amour, L'amour, Toujour L'amour!

That's Francaise for, "Can a Bitch get a bottle and a VIP table up in here tonight?"

Really.

I swear.

As we speak, Moi is prepping yet another majorly fab outfit for an evening at Closet Sundays.

Yet. Another.

Yes, my little nightsters, it's time to hit Revolution Lounge for Closet Sundays again. As you know, Moiself seldom goes out amongst the hoards of well wishers one invariably encounters when traipsing fashionably throughout our little Peyton Place.

But.

When Moi does, it's usually for Eduardo Cordova because he presents the one night of the week in Las Vegas that is a sure bet to feature the most fashionable and hottest fashionable hotties around. AND you can always be sure that the steel wheels will be spun by the best DJ's and the Go Go's will make you glad you wore your underoos instead of boxers.

As if you don't know what I mean.

Bitch.

Please.

Well.

Tonight is muy importante extra fabuloso.

That's El Monte for "Support Love at Closet Sundays".

It's a benefit to do good things for those of us who need good things done.

As per always, The "E to the C", will be raffling off majorly needed prizes and DJ Jason Lema is in the booth del soundo.

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MAS!

$5 Vodka Drinks / $5 Coors Light / $9 Vodka Red Bulls!

Zut Alors!

That's French for, "Hells to the yeah!"

Btw, if you're in need of VIP service (and who isn't?), give ultra Sexy VIP host Jason Baca a one ringy dingy at 702-485-9294

Are you still here?

Shouldn't you be on your way to Gucci for an outfit to hit Closet Sundays in?

Really.

I swear.

CLOSET SUNDAYS @ REVOLUTION LOUNGE SUPPORT LOVE!
Mirage Resort & Casino
3400 S. Las Vegas, Blvd.

10PM Until I call your mother to tell her how messy you are.

http://www.lightgroup.com/nightlife/beatles-revolution-lounge-las-vegas/

CHOCOLATES AND DATING? IT MUST BE CLOSET SUNDAYS!

2010-01-16T20:01:00.001-08:00

Oh Mon Dieu!

That's French for, "can it possibly be time to drag out the Prada kicks and boogie on down to Closet Sundays, yet again?"

Possibly?

Well, my little groovy chicks and chickos, it's time to get on over to The Revolution Lounge at Mirage for a night of dancin'.

And maybe a little prancin'.

Maybe?

But of course.

Well Eduardo Cordova (that's E to the C to those of us who know him. And I do.) has done it again. The cutest promoter on The Strip is teaming up with the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) to present "SUPPORT LOVE" a night of celebration for Women at Closet Sundays.

It's not often I wish I was a woman (Valentino's Spring 2009 collection being a rare exception.), but, this is going to be an evening of chocolate tastings and dating games.

I happen to like L.L. Cool J and want to date him.

That has nothing to do with anything. Expect it's another rare time I wouldn't mind being a woman.

But.

I digress.

Back to the point.

Really.

I swear.

The night begins at 7pm and get this.

This.

Admission is only $10!

BUT WAIT!

THERE'S MORE!

That $10 includes a years worth of HRC membership!

Imagine.

Well, if you're over 21 and are interested in finding out more about HRC and the Womens Empowerment Network, you simply must shake your groove thing on over to Closet Sundays!

NOT SO FAST STYLE GUY!

Que?

THERE'S MORE!

No.

SI!

Well, what is it Voice of Gawd?

Well.

There's ALL of the following:

Raffle giveaway with tons of prizes!

Special dance performance by ROYALTY!

DJ Jason Lema!

Hottest Gogos!

$5 Vodka Drinks / $5 Coors Light / $9 Vodka Red Bulls!

Our friends at Harrahs are co-sponsoring!

And most importantly, THE CUPCAKERY is providing cupcakes!

Does it get any better?

Does it?

The Human Rights Campaign presents:

Her HRC Las Vegas

A national night of celebration for women
Sunday, January 17 at 7:00 p.m.
Revolution Lounge
Mirage Hotel and Casino
3400 Las Vegas Blvd.
Las Vegas, NV 89109

General Admission: $10
Includes annual HRC membership!

Must be 21+

Women's Empowerment Network

AFTERNOON DELIGHT AT THE EROTIC HERITAGE MUSEUM!

2010-01-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

Come to the Erotic Heritage Museum and Experience
An Afternoon Variety Show
January 16th @ 3pm
An Afternoon of Love, Laughter and Local Music!
Featuring:
Amanda Morgan- MC & Original Local Musician
Rudy Urseti- Shadow Master
Jessica Morgan-Original Local Musician
Joe Lawless- Original Local Musician
Dynamite Blaze-Local Spoken Word Artist
Andy a.k.a "SIX PACK" - Local Performance Artist
Kevin Kennedy- Original Local Musician
Morganne Baum– Original Local Musician
And even more Local Talent!
Come be Naughty and enjoy an Afternoon of great talent and admission to the Erotic Heritage Museum!
$10
Interested Performing in the next AFTERNOON DELIGHT? The Variety Show will be every 3rd Saturday!! contact Amanda at ask_amanda@hotmail.com
Come be Naughty and enjoy an afternoon of great talent and admission to the Erotic Heritage Museum!
$10
And Special Guest Appearances!
Who knows who will come to the Erotic Heritage Museum.
Will you?
Come Be Naughty!
18+
$10