Saturday, June 27, 2009

PEOPLE WE LOATHE: MARIO LAVANDERIA aka PEREZ HILTON



From his whiny little whinge to the world after being smacked upside his fat head to his calling Miss California Carrie Something Or Other a "Bitch (thereby giving the right wing "Mo haters a victim card), Mario has been a right royal pain in the Gay ass.

And not in the good way.

I'm guessing. I'm a top.

Really.

I swear.

After having tormented Black Eyes Peas songstress "Fergie" for years, the portly PR slut had the temerity to get in the face of churlish, strangely named "singer" Will. I. Am. and call him a , get ready, "FAGGOT"!

As if.

Well, the "singers" possibly mentally challenged "manager" then smacked that bitch up like a Pimp at a bus station.

Hilarity has ensued ever since.

Seems Mario doesn't like being smacked and can't understand why GLAAD (Gee Lame Addilpated Antiquated Dinosaurs) wouldn't defend him like they do every time a Gay butterfly farts in Malaysia. AND they had the cojones (nuts) to say that HE should apologize!

Zut alors!

That's French for, "Bitch. Please!"

Now, I could care less about this corpulent cameltoe, but, he recently posted some extremely graphic pics of Dustin Lance Black (Oscar winning boytoy of the Glitterati)in flagrante delicto (he had unsheathed weenie all up in him). Now, Boytoy had not shouldn'ta taken the pics, but, Mario didn't seem to care that he was pushing hard core Bare Back porn on his kiddie site where any 14 yr old girl and her pervie dad could see them.

Pig.

So, I am sure you will agree with me when I say, "Burn in Modesto, you evil swine!

HWAT YOU MUST BE WEARING: JOHN VARVATOS



Recently, I made my way down to my fave shopping destination, The Forum Shops at Ceasars Palace.

If you've never been, poor you.

It is, hands down, the most luxurious shopping mall IN THE LV. From it's kitschy talking statues to its cobblestone paths that lead to the worlds premier luxury shops and its ever changing skyscape, The Forum Shops brings a whole new meaning to an afternoon at the mall.

Yours truly was invited to the tres chic John Varvatos shop to personally preview the launch of the new Ernst Benz by John Varvatos Limited edition Chronoscope. That's a really cool way to say, majorly nice watch. I was welcomed into the hip, modern space by the killer staff. General Manager Charlotte Moazzami and Assistant Manager Rachel Fox showed me around the shop and introduced me to that aforementioned exquisite timepiece. I was then given the VIP tour by mega well dressed Yoni who pointed out some of the great accessories and the latest Spring Summer 2009 designs.

Unlike a lot of high end stores, John Varvatos at The Forum Shops is a welcoming place staffed by friendly folks who delight in showing off their line. The clothes are casually luxurious, perfect for a well dressed guys day or night IN THE LV. You can go from a private jet straight to your VIP table with a bottle of Dom without missing a beat in John Varvatos. The John Varvatos line is, while stylish and ultra luxe, very comfortable and quite affordable considering the style and quality of work that goes into each piece.

If you're a guy looking for a great place to stock up for Spring/Summer 2009, stop in and have the great folks at John Varvatos hook you up in style.

JOHN VARVATOS AT THE FORUM SHOPS 702 939 0922 CEASARS PALACE 3500 Las Vegas Blvd. So.

www.johnvarvatos.com

WHAT YOU SHOULD BE FREAKIN' OUT TO: PUNK BUNNY



I have no idea why Punk Bunny exists other than to shock and , possibly, shoplift cheap undergarments from Fallas Paredes. However, they are my new fave band.

No one does Punk quite like The Bunny crew.

Check out Luigi.

You know the type, he farts at your mom's house and throws up at your sister's , but, since your dad REALLY hates him, you love him.

Check out Punk Bunny.

Now!

www.punkbunny.com

MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD


Still.

PEOPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW: WHO THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE?


From Vanity Fair online:

High security battled high society at the Kensington Palace Gates, in London, last Thursday night at the Quintessentially Perrier-Jouët summer party. Concierge club co-founder Ben Elliot cut a fine yet rather formal figure in a blue Ralph Lauren suit, but those he greeted on the steps of the Orangery were quite a different kettle of fish. The dress code was avant-garde, after all, and for guests, including actor Thomas Sangster, writer Richard Dennen, model Poppy Delevingne, Hofit Golan, model Lily Cole, and the Marquis of Worcester, no outfit was too loud, no bustle too big, and no color too garish.

Actress Sophie Hunter, sporting a baby bump, and Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell were spotted sitting on a wicker chair that appeared suspended in mid-air beneath an arch of white roses. It was only when one partygoer piped up, “Well, she definitely wasn’t pregnant on Tuesday!” were suspicions aroused that the tummy beneath her frock might have come from the dress-up box. Even more surreal was the palm tree in the middle of the lawn. This, contrary to rumor, was not a glitch in Princess Michael of Kent’s garden design but rather an installation by artist Nick Hackworth.

As potted shrimps, pea-and-mint risotto, and fresh crab ciabattas were handed around, artists Gavin Turk, Jake and Dinos Chapman, and Anthony Gormley stood marveling at Hawksmoor and Wren’s 18th-century Orangery. Other guests, including fashion designer Betty Jackson, chef Mark Hix, Blur bassist Alex James, and the delightful Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis couldn’t decide whether to head west, toward the corset-yielding cactus to try on rams-horn hats and Venetian masks, or go east, toward D.J. Ben Bridgewater’s turntable.

Piers Morgan appeared among a crowd eagerly awaiting a song snippet à la SuBo (that’s Susan Boyle to you, you pop-culture neophyte). Then moments later—in a flash of camera bulbs—David Hasselhoff arrived, flanked protectively by his daughters Hayley and Taylor. Dressed in a newly bought Gieves and Hawkes shirt and a pair of Fin’s loafers—“I love them! I’ve bought a pair in every color!”—the Hoff talked excitedly of the tour around Britain he was embarking on: “I’m gonna Brit. It. Up!”

As some guests partied on at the Orangery, others joined Anoushka Beckwith (daughter of socialite Tamara Beckwith) and Violet von Westenholtz at the Met Bar, where Kings of Leon were trying to have a quiet drink. But as Roger Taylor hit the decks, they realized: no such luck.

THE VEGAS STYLE GUY SAYS: Really?

WHAT YOU SHOULD BE READING: MONOCLE MAGAZINE


Tyler Brule is many things; pretentious, brilliant, snobbish, amazing, effete, ground breaking, Canadotrash and so much more. He's also the editor of one of the most Intell mags around, MONOCLE.

An exhilarating blend of over the top info you will never need wrapped in a box full of Tom Ford paper, MONOCLE is a magazine for people you don't know and can never hope to be.

You love it.

Really.

I swear.

In Brule's world a summer "Flight of Fancy" starts in the Marais and somehow ends up in Tangiers. Of course you arrive, not on a G-5 (how gauche), but, after having driven to North Africa in your mums 1976 Land Rover Defender with the Harmon Kardon stereo while you listen to TING TINGS remixes your fave DJ in Cap du Somewhere made for your birthday.

Get my drift?

Of course you do.

All men in Tyler's world wear Tom Ford when they dress up and obscure labels by Trustafarian designers (when they "slum it") who are from Antwerp, but, live in Williamsburgh.

The Bronx.

They only eat at places you don't know about and have the best Coke connections. Though no one does Coke anymore.

Monocle champions artists with names like Schnabel, but, never Julian.

In short, as a famous Transsexual from Transylvania once said, "Don't dream it, be it."

Or die trying.

www.monocle.com/

WHAT SHOULD BE WATCHING: PREY


PREY

Sometimes a movie has bad acting. Sometimes a movie has an incomprehensible script. Sometimes a movie has really bad acting.

Prey has all three.

Yet, Prey is one of the most fun movies you will see this year.

If I could tell you what Prey was about I would.

I can only try.

Seems at some point in the 80’s a family had a run in with a witch/demon/ tacky jewelry salesman in The Australian Outback (no, not the tasty restaurant chain, which might have made for a better plot point.). A little girl runs and loses her doll. Years later a bunch of Douches, sexually confused hot chicks and the best Gay sidekick character in a long time, go off for a trip to the Outback (no, not the tasty restaurant chain).

Why? I don’t know and you won’t care.

To be short and to the point, one by one they start getting killed and turn into the worst Zombies you have ever seen in a movie. Why is this movie one of my new faves? Because at no point does it hide its cheesiness. At no point does it even pretend to make sense or even provide you with any scares whatsoever. What Prey does is take you back to the days when for $100 and some tacos, you could go into the desert and make your own Plan 9 From Outer Space (oh yeah, it’s that bad/good).

Listen, dust off your bong, and beg your local cinema for a midnite screening of Prey. If nothing else for (spoiler alert) the crazy funny ending and the makeout scene between the hot Chinese chick and the pregnant Blonde!

I ASK OF ONLY ONE THING OF THE MOVIE GODS…

PLEASE LET THERE BE A PREY II !

PEOPLE YOU SHOULD KNOW: MARK ANTHONY VASQUEZ


Mark Anthony Vazquez

JOB:
Actor / Hustler

PERSONAL STYLE:
A Classical look with an Urban/Rock Flavor

MY PERSONAL STYLE "THING"
Look Sharp, make sure you Groom Homey.

IN SUMMER YOU'LL ALWAYS FIND ME IN:
some sexy spot near the Beach or working on the next Blockbuster.

FAVE CELEBRITY YOU HAVE MET:
Jamie Fox, what a Cool Cat! Real down to Earth. Gotta mention Somaya Reese......Damn!

LEAST FAVE CELEBRITY YOU HAVE MET:
Andy Dick...he's Rude and doesn’t know when to leave a Party.

STYLE ICON:
James Bond

FAVORITE BRANDS:
Versace, D & G, Gucci, Hugo Boss,Diesel, Guess, Calvin Klein, Kenneth Cole. Aston Martin,Tesla, Infiniti. Sony, Bose

YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME IN:
Super tight stretch Rocker jeans....no even if the Camera’s rolling.

I WANT:
To be Happy and Chill, Healthy, Wealthy, in Love, and Respected for who I am.

MY FAVORITE COCKTAIL:
Damn....that’s a toss up! It’s between a Cosmo w/ Grey Goose Orange Vodka, or an Escalade Herradura Margarita-Rocks-easy salt, or the classic Heineken and a shot of Jack.

BEST BAR IN LAS VEGAS:
The Heart Bar in the Planet Hollywood Casino, things are going on.....

MOST OVERRATED CLUB/BAR:
Hmmmmmmm.....

MOST UNDERRATED CLUB/BAR: The CatHouse...Love the Lingerie!

BEST BOTTLE SERVICE: Tryst