MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND Dec 04 2010

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND 04 Dec 2010

LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS

Starring: That one sorta hot white guy with the eyes too close together that has a not very attractive sister who more than makes up for it because she dresses really cool but I can never remember her name. I think it’s Agnes. Anne “I really know how to pick ‘em” Hathaway. Some white girl.

What It’s About: Drug dealer (that sorta hot guy) meets Hathaway and they spend a weekend in a Modesto Siegal Suites room waiting for his connect (Wilmer Valder what’s his name. You know, Fez.) to show up with some really good new stuff called “ICE”. Hathaway and the other white girl get really bored waiting and have a pillow fight in their panties when Hathaway says that Mary Ann is way hotter than Ginger (as if). Fez shows up just in time to YouTube the whole thing on his Android. It all ends in boredom as Hathaway finally realizes her ex fiancé is a total fraud (three years after they broke up, btw.) and leaves the room to “call my fucking agent for getting me into this dreck!”

Why I Won’t Be Seeing It: I can’t sit for two hours looking at a Siegel Suites room. Especially now that I don’t do drugs anymore.

THE NEXT THREE DAYS

Starring: Serial Dick, Russell Crowe. That one guy and some white girl.

What it’s about: Ok. In between throwing cell phones at the help (who the fuck does Crowe think he is? Naomi Campbell?) and studying “Boorish Behavior for Dummies”, Crowe made what promises to a dreckish story about his wife who is accused of murder.

Why I Won’t Be Seeing It: It doesn’t ring true. Think about it. If you were married to Russell Crowe and on trial for murder, wouldn’t you have killed him, meaning there was really no reason for him to have shown up on set? Right?

MORNING GLORY

Starring: Harrison Ford, Annie Hall and (let’s say it all together!) SOME WHITE GIRL!

What It’s About: I really don’t care. I am sure there’s either a fashion montage or a nervous white girl balances coffee as she holds a clipboard running down the hall away from the lecherous Cryptkeeper (Harrison Ford) right before the big moment where she turns in the tape that is going to scoop every show in town. Oh. Wait. That was “Broadcast News”. Never mind. Question? How the H-E-double toothpicks did Annie Hall end up in a movie with The Kryptkeeper? Is it THAT bad for women of “Un Certain Age”? Did he know that any women over the age of 19 would be in a movie with him? I thinketh not. Blechfest!