Downtown Las Vegas: The Beat

"Where everybody knows your name..."

If you have ever heard the theme song from "Cheers" and got that warm et fuzzy feeling then you will feel right at home at the only cool coffeehouse / hang in Las Vegas, "The Beat."

I have yet to settle down for a spot of work here and not run into everyone.

Who. Is. Anyone.

Really. I swear.

From politicians to local starlets (Hello Princess Ann!), this is the place to sit back and watch the world go by Vegas style. I could come here for the people watching alone, however, where else can you also decide to throw some Rolling Stones or "Thank God It's Friday" on the record player (NOT JUKEBOX! Thank you very much!) while you are munching on some of the house specialties and discussing the state of everything?

With everyone.

I ask?

So.

Let's get down to the munchables. Shall we?

We shall.

My own personal fave is the Croque Monsieur, a delicious, cheesy bit of perfection. Let's be honest here, you slap some dead pig on a crunchy bread and smother it in tangy cheese and you have this chubbette in your hands like a Kardashian in front of a camera.

Smitten.

You can pretty much order anything here and be more than happy. Most everyone I know loves the "Slap & Tickle."

Oh. Stop. Dirty minds are the Devils bocce ball court.

"Slap & Tickle" is The Beat's own little take on the classic Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

Well. After you add Bacon and Jalapenos.

You do add Bacon and Jalapenos. Don't you?

Well. Now. You. Will.

Owners, Jennifer and Michael Cornthwaite are what one might call "Downtown Royalty". Much like their counterparts further south in the Downtown Arts District (officially the "18b District" but I can't stand that name. Sounds like it's trying to hard to be Austin. Or someplace with good public transportation.) have been flying the Downtown flag for years and years before local politicians decided it was a good applause line to tout "the revitalization of Downtown" (spare me.). The Beat is located in the much larger "Emergency Arts Center" where, especially on the weekends, you are bound to find everything from great art, vintage LP's (it's a vinyl disc that makes music magically appear.), art, fashion and even a fancy hairdresser and hip production company.

I believe in airline terms, it's a "hub".

Of cultura.

Hints:

Get a table near the window if you want to be left alone. You won't be, but, you will look dramatic and rather Zelda Fitzgerald sitting by the window in an Edward Hopper sorta way. When your friends see you, the first thing they will think is, "they've taken up reading." Or some such flattery.

Park at The El Cortez. But. Make sure you walk through the casino to The Beat just across the street.

Why? Well, I said so. Oh, you need a reason? Fine. because it is the coolest place on the planet!

Okay?

Block at least two hours to be there and expect to stay longer. Once you settle in, you may never want to leave. Me? I take my meetings there. Back to back. I have gone from early am to sundown sitting my life away in my Zelda table many a day.

It's that cool.

Oh yeah.

They have coffee too.

THE BEAT
520 Fremont St
Ste 101
Las Vegas, NV 89101
(702) 409-5563
www.thebeatlv.com

Hours:
Mon-Fri 7 am - 12 am
Sat 9 am - 12 am
Sun 9 am - 5 pm
Takes Reservations: No
Accepts Credit Cards: Yes
Parking: Garage, Street, Valet
Attire: Casual
Good for Groups: Yes
Good for Kids: No
Price Range: $
Delivery: No
Take-out: Yes
Waiter Service: No
Outdoor Seating: No
Wi-Fi: Free
Good For: Lunch
Music: Juke Box
Best Nights: Fri, Thu, Sat
Happy Hour: Yes
Alcohol: Beer & Wine Only
Smoking: No
Coat Check: No
Noise Level: Average
Good For Dancing: No
Ambience: Hipster, Casual
Has TV: No
Wheelchair Accessible: Yes

OFF THE STRIP WORTH THE TRIP: THE JUKE JOINT

Welcome to The Juke Joint.

Understand that this is like being at your Grandmas house.

Everything is made to order and it will take 20-30 minutes to get your food and something will probably be forgotten. There are only plastic forks and Styrofoam dinnerware.

If you are a snob, you're screwed.

I broke up with a guy because all he did was complain the entire time he was here about how "Ghetto" it was. The Juke Joint is not "Ghetto", it's like a real Southern Place that you find on a road trip and can't wait to get back to.

The decor is really cute and quaint with Kente Cloth colors and photos of Black heroes sprinkled about the place. Even the bathroom is charming with commandments and funny sayings sprinkled about.

The Cornish Hen with two sides is my fave here, but, it's only on Sundays and will probably be gone by the time you get here. If it's available, get it with Greens and Yams.

My other jammy jam is the Smothered Chicken (also includes two sides). I rock that with Black Eyed Peas and Mac & Cheese. The Mac & Cheese is GOOEY! Yes! I always just act a pig up in here and order the Yams as an extra as well.

The Gumbo is hella good, but, the portion is tiny (because it's SO good) and you really want two or three bowls.

Other than the food what's the best part about the Juke Joint? The prices! The specials are in the $10.95 range and the Gumbo is around $6. Three of us ate full meals with doggy bags and it came to less than $45!

Wash it all down with some Koolaid (Red) and The Juke Joint will be your joint for authentic Soul Food.

2362 Lexington Street, Las Vegas, NV 89106-2206
(702) 647-4411 ‎

OFF THE STRIP WORTH THE TRIP: SATAY MALAYSIAN GRILLE

So sick Moi has been lately.

Oy.

And.

Vey.

In addition to fighting off a cold could only be God's revenge for my years without a moral compass ('06-'09,) I am now also getting rid of the weight gained during my Glam period ('09-'10).

The extra 73lbs I managed to add to my already voluptuous frame is no longer cuddly.

It's just gross.

Of course I have figured out a way to satisfy my need for attention whilst losing copious amounts of flab.

Of course.

Moi is the new Gay face of TRIMCARE Medical Weight Loss program.

It was only a matter of time.

Sooner or later it was gonna be going all Jennifer Hudson or opening supermarkets in Henderson.

But, Holly Madison has that market all to herself.

Hmph.

So.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

I was fat, sick and hungry.

That brings us to Satay Malaysian Grille.

Really.

I swear.

As I lay reinterpreting the deathbed scene from Camille, The Candidate called and suggested I leave the confines of The GayBoyClub to find the nourishment I so obviously needed.

Whilst not effing up my diet.

Of course.

Well.

Nothing seemed more appealing than some flavorful and spicy Tom Yum soup ($9.50-12.50) at Satay Malaysian Grille.

Nothing.

Moi likes a place where everybody knows my name and Satay is that type of place. The whole vibe is laid back and friendly. You can roll in feeling your worst or be on a first date all shaved up and you're always treated like a friend regardless. And while the view of the parking lot isn't much, Satay does offer outdoor seating in addition to your normal dining room set up. My fave spot to chillax here is the ultra lounge looking area at the rear of the restaurant that's perfect for getting together with a group of friends to order everything on the appetizer menu over a few hours.

My goal was soup and the Tom Yum did not fail me. Unlike my not so fave, Lotus of Siam, the cooks here understand that spicy doesn't have to mean everyone at the table should be crying like a 16 year old at her eighth screening of Black Swan. I asked for it to be cooked at level 7 and it cleared my nose while still leaving my palate intact.

The Candidate ordered a big bowl of meaty Oxtail soup ($11.95) that had plenty of meat to keep him busy for the entire meal. Being the bad friend that he is, The Candidate also ordered probably my two favorite appetizers on Earth, Salt and Pepper Shrimp ($7.95) and Scallops wrapped in Bacon ($6.95).

I whipped out my Android Calorie Counter and got to figuring. Luckily, I was still way under my allotted calories for the day and therefore, Moi dived in like a Pimp at bus station.

The Shrimps are lightly coated and perfectly fried. The seasoning is exactly right. You taste the salt and pepper just enough to miss it as the taste disappears down your palate. The shrimp are as perfectly cooked as any fried shrimp ever has been. Delicate, yet firm enough that they don't break apart when you try and just eat a tiny bit at a time because you never want that plate to be empty.

The Scallops manage to be light and well cooked even while the Bacon is cooked exactly to the point where it still has a meaty texture and is also perfectly crispy. On two skewers of four, this concoction will be my first cheat day meal when I've finally hit my goal weight.

Of course I avoided the Roti bread with Curry dipping sauce($5.50) and Lumpia ($5.50) The Candidate also ordered. I'm nothing if not determined and strong of will. In my fat and I don't care days I've tasted both so I feel pretty safe telling you about them. The Roti is always a hit whenever I've hosted groups at Satay. The curry sauce is nice and light with a tiny bit of after kick. The Lumpia, on the other hand, is just like Lumpia everywhere. I will never understand what people see in Lumpia that is not made by someone's boyfriend's Mom.

Of course Satay has all of the usual vittles you would expect in a South East Asian restaurant and you're safe with anything you order. I will suggest that you let the kitchen decide for you and just enjoy the flavor ride. They also have a really great Happy Hour menu from 3-6pm everyday and big screen TV's if you wanna kick it with friends and watch "The Game" (I have no idea what that means).

SATAY MALAYSIAN GRILLE

Everyday: 11 a.m. - 11 p.m.
Late Night Friday & Saturday 2 a.m.+

SATAY Thai Bistro & Bar
3900 Paradise Rd, Suite N
Las Vegas, NV 89169

702-369-8788

www.sataylasvegas.com

DIAMOND CHINESE: DON'T MIND THE REDNECKS IN THE FRONT, THERE'S GOOD VITTLES OUT BACK!

Let us get one thing straight.

Well, you know what I mean...

Clear. I meant clear.

Let's get one thing clear.

Moi is used to being stared at upon entering a restaurant.

When I arrive at my fave McDonalds, they know to fire up the fryer and let the good times roll. Making my entrance at Krazy Kitchen buffet, it's "oh here come large yellow man, hide Salmon roll! Leave some other people!"

Well.

As Moi and Moi's bestie Christopher sauntered into some Gawdawful casinoette on Industrial near a, ahem, "library" that Christopher was familiar with, the men all paused as I walked into the room.

And not in a good way.

I am quite sure that the music stopped, jaws dropped and the theme song from "Deliverance" floated in from a dimly lit alcove played by what looked like the evil spawn of John McCain and Rhea Pearlman.

Really.

I swear.

"Are you sure this is the place the locals know as "the best Chinese food in Vegas"?, I asked of Chris.

"Keep going to the back", Chris growled. Mind you, he had had one of "those" weeks. A week so "those" that we had foregone our usual drinking in favor of food!

I hustled past a neck that was as red as any Sheriff's in Jim Crow Alabama neck ever was. I flung open the door and all of a sudden, I was in Hong Kong circa "Suzie Wong."

Nothing fancy, but, obviously authentic. There were an equal number of customers and employess.

Two. Each.

Somehow. I knew I was home.

I took one look at the menu and was transported back to my days in L.A. at four am with my friends (Cher, Christina Aguilera, Brittany Spears and Gore Vidal. Well, until Christina became a bitch.) all sucking up mounds of food in Chinatown until the sun came up.

On the menu were Salted Chicken ($8.50 half/$16 whole), Beef with Melon ($8.50) Hot Braised Snow Fish ($14.95) and, of course, Shark Fin soup. I will not eat Shark Fin Soup, it is completely wrong to kill a shark just for the fin.

I will, however, wear a Chinchilla and I don't care what you do with the carcass.

Suck it PETA.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes. Diamond Chinese!

I had heard often about this place and have to say that it more than lived up to the hype. I ordered my "tester" dish that I always order when I 'm deciding on whether or not a Chinese joint is going to see my substantial rear end again.

I ordered "House Special Egg Foo Young"($8.95). And I dared them to impress me.

Oh. My. Gawd. Chandler Bing!

It was perfectly crisp on the outside and had just the right mix of eggs and veggies for the filling. Adorned with paper thin slices of BBQ Pork and meaty soft Scallops, Steamed Chicken and melt in your mouth Fish Fillets all wrapped up in a delicious gravy, it was eaten by my eyes before I even touched it with my utensil!

We split an order of Sliced Chicken with Cashew Nuts ($8.25) as well and it did nothing to shake me of the idea that I was loving this place.

And then!

I noticed the one thing that cemented my relationship with Diamond Chinese.

I side door.

No more Rednecks for Moi! I can come and go without a busload of Freedom Riders to protect me on my way to Le Heaven Gastronomique!

Get the to the best Chinese Food in town, Diamond Chinese!

DIAMOND CHINESE
3449 INDUSTRIAL ROAD
702.796.8982

OFF THE STRIP, WORTH THE TRIP: THE COFFEE SHOP AT THE GOLD SPIKE HOTEL AND CASINO

Occasionally, one might just be short of El Presidente Muerta.

You know.

Cash.

That, in and of itself, is bad enough. Now. Add hunger.

Yikes!

Fret no more Flaca.

Fret.

No.

More.

Nope.

Now there is a place smack dab in the middle of my part of Le Village Las. A place that has undergone the kind of transformation that would make Joan Rivers cry.

If her tear ducts weren't currently located on the nape of her neck.

This place of city chic?

Hold your hats and hallelujah, The Style Guy is gonna give it to ya!

The Gold Spike Hotel and Casino is the kind of place that used to make fleas think twice about stopping in. I jest you not. Back in the day you used to be able to smell this place from LAX. The sharp scent of skank would assault you like a Panzer division visiting a small Polish village.

No. Mas.

Someone obviously took a heavy duty steam cleaner and a course from HGTV and turned this former dump into a rather swell little gem for travelers on Le budget.

But, unlike The Strip which we locals avoid like Lindsay Lohan avoids a urine test, The Gold Spike has something that works for us too. The Coffee Shop at The Gold Spike is where the $4.99 Prime Rib of yore went to reinvent itself like Cher on a budget.

Everything about the place is, well, pleasant. The staff is extremely friendly and the decor is modern in a David Bromstead sort of way. White plastic chairs look perfect next to bleached, jagged rock walls. Unlike many coffee shops, you aren't assaulted with nasty fluorescent lighting that makes you feel like Marilyn Manson on the walk of shame after a hard night. It's bright and airy.

Oh.

Yeah.

The grubbage.

You can enjoy the food here. What I mean by that is, unlike other cheap places, you aren't eating here only because it's cheap. The spaghetti and meatballs is old fashioned somebody's mom made it good. The salads are all huge, with crisp, fresh ingredients. The fabled $4.99 Prime Rib may not be like the Prime Rib at Ruth Chris's, but, you also have change from a twenty after buying a cheap date a good meal.

And who doesn't like that?

A cheap date.

Dumbass.

THE GOLD SPIKE HOTEL AND CASINO COFFEE SHOP
217 LAS VEGAS BLVD N
89101