MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

FOR COLORED GIRLS

Starring: A bunch of really pissed off Strong and Angry Black Women. Gender Neutral Oscar winner Whoopi Goldberg.

What It's About: In a nutshell. All Black men exist simply to get on a Sistah's nerves.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: Two. Words. Lorena Bobbit.

DUE DATE

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jamie "Black Dudes With Iphones" Fox, Juliette "You Fuckers just thought my career was over! Drink my crazy juice fuckers!" Lewis, some white girl and that hairy guy that white guy hipsters think is really funny, but, isn't to anyone who can't quote The Big Lebowski.

I'm proud to say that I can't.

Quote The Big Lebowski.

That is.

What It's About: Have you ever seen ANY "odd couple buddy" movies? Someone's wife is about to spew forth progeny (who knew Robert Downey Jr. still had any sober sperm left?). Along the way The Sperminator meets up with that hella annoying hairy dude (no, not that Phoenix freak.) and hilarity ensues.

No it doesn't.

Blech.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: I don't like hairy people and Juliette Lewis scares me worse than John Wayne Gacey Clown portraits.


JACKASS 3D

Starring: A bunch of really annoying white boys.

What It's About: Attaching things to other dudes ball sacs and not thinking it's totally homo to be doing it.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: It's totally homo.