Showing posts with label Fremont Street. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fremont Street. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

EVEN CRAZY NEEDS A SPACKLE NOW AND THEN or IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT BY LIPSTICK ON A PIG?


Just when the world seemed back to normal.

It’s baaaaack!

Not Snooki.

Though she is back with a whole new drunken season of mirth and arrests at the Jersey Shore.

Not The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Though they are back with faces that don’t move and husbands that do (is Camille a punk Bitch or what?).

No.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in to the brackish water that is Nevada politics, along comes the scariest fish that’s ever crawled out of the upper reaches of the Truckee River.

Sharron “Remember me Pablito ,or, are you Quan Lee?” Angle IS BAAAAACK!

And this time……………she’s got a spackle brush!

Zut Alors! Quelle not cute!

Quelle.

Yup, as hard as it is to believe, much like Nosferatu, La Angle is rebirthing herself as a Celebrity guest star at a Multi-Level Marketing, low rent, Mary Kay-esque makeup event in Downtown La Vegas!

I guess if you were wondering how many levels of Hell there really are, you now know.

There are MULTI-levels.

And on this level Sharron Angle is working the cosmetics counter at some sort of “has it come to this Gurl?” reality show on CMT.

Level one.

Right over there by the escalator leading to the bargain basement.

Down.

At this point I would normally just riff on some crazy ideas about what an invite to “Desperate Housewives: What The Fuck Happened?” would read like. Unfortunately, even my rapier wit and sardonic take on politics and life can’t possibly equal what the invite REALLY fuckin’ says.

To whit:

“Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!
She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily...
so can you!”

No. I. Can’t!

Remember the first time you saw “WTF” and wondered what that meant?

It means, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?”

So.

WTF?!?

Pinch me.

No. Not in a sexual way. I don’t like that.

Anymore.

Pinch me so I can make sure that I’m not dreaming that all of my dreams have not only come true, but, landed in my lap like a drunken hooker hitting the tiles in Charlie Sheen’s bathroom!

BLAP!

It gets better.

Really.

I swear.

“Please be our guest... you will be glad you did!

* Girlfriend time
* Chat with Sharron
* Learn some new make-up tips & techniques
* Find out about an amazing revolutionary
skin care line
(guaranteed to take 55% of your fine lines and wrinkles away in 8 weeks!) NO kidding!
* Free gift for all who attend
Sounds fun, right? I think so too!
See you there!”

Girlfriend time with La Loca?

Chat moments with The Child of The Corn from The Village of The Damned?

All this AND free grub, gift bags (NRA pot holders, please God!) and sharing makeup tips with the one woman I have NEVER ASSOCIATED with anything more glamorous than a tractor pull in Pahrump!

This is DELISH!

Sweet Jesus, what have I done to deserve this?

All of my fretting that Sharron “Why no, I am stupid. Thank you for asking.” Angle was going to come back all Mighty Mouse to save the day for the Nevada Tea Party has come to this?

A live infomercial that even Holly Madison probably said no to?

Aiyee, how bad is that if Holly turns your shit down?

She banged Heff!

Fret no more.

Sharron’s back and she’s just one of the girls next door!

From the last subdivision in Hell.

You KNOW you can’t miss this.

Can you?

Just in case:

An evening with Joni Rogers-Kante, Founder & CEO of
SeneGence International,
featuring Makeup & Skincare Experts Jeri Taylor-Swade & Amber London
and special guest
Sharron Angle, former candidate for US Senate
Friday night, Jan. 21, 2011
6:00 - 8:30 pm
Held at the beautiful, modern, Meet Conference Center
233 South 4th Street
Las Vegas, NV 89101
MeetLasVegasConventionCenter

See you there!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

BEST PLACES TO BREAK UP IN THE LV (AND THE WORST!) PT 2: HOT DOGS


In my never ending quest to help you get through the rough spots of life (stylishly of course), I realize that many of us need to accomplish things on a budget.

Hence.

A little hint on where to end a love gone bad on the cheap.

Everyone loves Hot Dogs.

Slow down Freud Lite, no need to go all Minister on RentBoy.com.

Sometimes a Hot Dog is just a Hot Dog.

So.

Where's the best place to break up while shoving a thin casing covering meat down your throat?

Ok, that was funny.

But. I digress.

BEST HOT DOG PLACE TO BREAK UP
MERMAIDS CASINO
32 Fremont St
Las Vegas, NV 89136
(702) 382-5777

There's no better place to chow down on a Foot Long Coney Island Hot Dog covered in everything God created to give your soon to be Ex a massive coronary than Mermaids on Fremont Street.

The Dogs here start at .99c and the Skank watching is gratis. The place is a cacophony of loud music and emergency sirens. The noise covers any screaming that may ensue and the small ducats spent mean you can run out in a manufactured huff without having spent a paycheck.

By the by. If the now Ex leaves first, have a Fried Twinkie.

Yum.

WORST HOT DOG PLACE TO BREAK UP
ORANGE JULIUS
THE BOULEVARD MALL
LAS VEGAS
NV 89169-3037
702-894-5221

First of all, WTF are you doing dating someone you would be in the Boulevard Mall with? I mean, what are you doing, filming an episode of "Flava of Love"?

Ghetto.

Now, we all love a tasty, frosty delish Orange Julius Orange foamy thingee.

But.

Imagine that Orange thingee all over your new Ed Hardy Douche T.

Not pretty.

Worst part is that at The Boulevard Mall those ghetto bitches won't turn away embarrassed for you. Aw Hells To The No!

Your ass will be videophoned up to YouTube under "Gay Breakup At Ghetto Ass Mall" so quick your girls will be laughing at you by the time you hit Krave that night.

AND.

Any potential next Exes are forewarned that your ass will take them to some random ghetto ass mall to break up with them.

Not cute.

Monday, November 23, 2009

GET A LOAD OF THOSE NUGGETS! $300 MILLION DOLLAR GOLDEN NUGGET RENOVATION READY FOR IT'S CLOSE UP!



I love my Downtown. Especially Fremont Street. I honestly believe that Fremont Street is the "real" Las Vegas. Not to put down the "Megas" up the street, but, on Fremont Street you can always have a good time no matter what your budget.

Well, mon Ami, Downtown is about to be rocked by the classiest joint north of Bonneville. The Golden Nugget is taking the wraps off of it's new tower!

Damn the economy! Full luxe ahead!

Already the most luxurious of the Downtown hotel, The Golden Nugget has just seen a $300 Million renovation and upgrade.

$300 Million!

Pretty soon we'll be talkin' real money.

What you get for all of that cheese is one Glam new Glitter Palace for The Gulch.

Luxury rooms that are larger than my own personal Downtown Criblet, a HUGE new Aquarium you can enjoy either from the stylish lobby ,or, from your table at my soon to be fave eatery, The Charthouse.

Over a Million Smackeroos was spent on the Porte Cochere alone!

That's French for the place you get out of your Town Car at.

All of this is in addition to all of my favorite things about The Golden Nugget which have been kept and improved. There's the pool with it's water slide through a tank full of vicious, man eating sharks (no, not them, those are Cougars, look in the tank silly!) which has been upgraded with the most chic cabanas downtown. AND my fave bar Downtown to people watch and drink Gibson's, Gold Digger's!

Well, the big to do is tonight, so, I better go shine my date and get a move on for the festivities!

See you there!

Golden Nugget Hotel
129 E. Fremont St.
Las Vegas, NV 89101


E-mail:
Guest Services: guestservices@goldennugget.com

Room Reservations: gnlvresv@goldennugget.com


Telephone:
Room Reservations: 800-846-5336

General Information: 702-385-7111



http://www.goldennugget.com/home.asp

CADILLAC CTS COUPE: OH! MY! GAWD! CHANDLER BING!


I'm not bad.

I'm just drawn that way.

I have morals.

Not alot, about two.

Both of them would be out the window like the last bottle of Hennesy at a Ghetto prom if Satan came at me and offered me a 2010 Cadillac CTS Coupe.

I'd sleep with your Mom and kill your Dad for this car.

(Note to self: Don't say stuff like that out loud. It makes you look shallow.)

Pardon Moi, Je suis digress.

The new CTS Coupe is a direct injected 3.6-liter V6 304 hp, torquey sex toy.

And I wanna play with it.

This car is the sleekest thing to come out of Motown since Cindy Birdsong. The lines are sharp and seductive. The interior is like having Leather Daddy sex on the Cote D'Azure, all leather and chrome. 18" wheels and GM's Hydra-Matic 6L50 six-speed automatic tranny make cruising the boulevard from Fremont Street to Santa Monica and Roberston a Pimpy breeze.

I WANT THIS SLED!

Oh Satan, whereforth art Thou?