OFF THE STRIP, WORTH THE TRIP: NAKED BOYS SINGING!

There's one secret only a select few know about Moiself.

No, not the time I was deported from Her Majesty's Kingdom.

Oops.

Two secrets.

Well. The truth of the matter is that in spite of my rather, how we say, saucy reparte (that's stinky cheese eater, you know French), I am actually quite, um, prudish.

Yup. It's true Selena Gomez, I am rather squeamish when it comes down to the actual messy messy thing.

You. Know. Sex.

I blush whilst writing at the mere thought of chains, whips, diuretics and cheap motels south of The Luxor.

Uh.

I digress.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes. Sex.

So. When the sexy et urbane J.D. Jensen invited Moiself and my bestie Chris Miller to see the long running production "Naked Boys Singing" at the Onyx Theater, I blushed as Chris jumped at the chance to see danglies mere feet in front of us.

As the show started I got that feeling one gets going up in a roller coaster that you only got on to please the guy that you ended up leaving after he screamed like a little Bitch during the 2 minutes 35 that the ride took to go all the way through.

Was that a dangling participle?

Speaking of dangling, Oh My Gawd Chandler Bing!

Right there. On stage.

Penis's. Peni? Penises?

Big. Small. In between.

Goldilocks could have been there forever trying to make a decision.

Honestly. When am I not?

Rhetorical question.

Bitch.

I spent the first twenty minutes trying to look anywhere but straight ahead. I can tell you about the pianist, the curtains and the back of the panting man in the front rows head.

Anything but the peen.

Then, as if by magic, I began to realize something.

These boys could sing!

Not only sing, but, sing little ditties about Robert Mitchum and being "The Best Little Porn Star from Skokie, Illinois"! They had me laughing and,occasionally, ready to get misty with their renditions.

There were funny songs, melancholy odes to the love that got away ,but, never went away and even a really clever number that reduced all of the wangs nicknames into a rousing little anthem complete with choir robes.

Well.

Not actually robes. More like the little stringy things that go around the necks of altar boys.

No, silly, not priests fingers!

I had to.

Really.

I swear.

Tee. Hee.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you like great singing and well written songs along with gratuitous weenie, then you simply must go see "Naked Boys Singing."

You.

Simply.

Must.

A word. To the wise.

Don't sit in the front row.

It's the splash zone.

Ooooh.

NAKED BOYS SINGING

THE ONYX THEATER
953 E SAHARA (IN THE COMMERCIAL CENTER IN THE RACK CLOTHING STORE)
89104

Performances Friday / Saturday / Sunday

Hint: Get a season pass to The Onyx and see several shows for the price of one overpriced Clowns on a high wire doing acrobatics acid trip on The Strip show.