EVEN CRAZY NEEDS A SPACKLE NOW AND THEN or IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT BY LIPSTICK ON A PIG?

Just when the world seemed back to normal.

It’s baaaaack!

Not Snooki.

Though she is back with a whole new drunken season of mirth and arrests at the Jersey Shore.

Not The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Though they are back with faces that don’t move and husbands that do (is Camille a punk Bitch or what?).

No.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in to the brackish water that is Nevada politics, along comes the scariest fish that’s ever crawled out of the upper reaches of the Truckee River.

Sharron “Remember me Pablito ,or, are you Quan Lee?” Angle IS BAAAAACK!

And this time……………she’s got a spackle brush!

Zut Alors! Quelle not cute!

Quelle.

Yup, as hard as it is to believe, much like Nosferatu, La Angle is rebirthing herself as a Celebrity guest star at a Multi-Level Marketing, low rent, Mary Kay-esque makeup event in Downtown La Vegas!

I guess if you were wondering how many levels of Hell there really are, you now know.

There are MULTI-levels.

And on this level Sharron Angle is working the cosmetics counter at some sort of “has it come to this Gurl?” reality show on CMT.

Level one.

Right over there by the escalator leading to the bargain basement.

Down.

At this point I would normally just riff on some crazy ideas about what an invite to “Desperate Housewives: What The Fuck Happened?” would read like. Unfortunately, even my rapier wit and sardonic take on politics and life can’t possibly equal what the invite REALLY fuckin’ says.

To whit:

“Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!
She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily...
so can you!”

No. I. Can’t!

Remember the first time you saw “WTF” and wondered what that meant?

It means, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?”

So.

WTF?!?

Pinch me.

No. Not in a sexual way. I don’t like that.

Anymore.

Pinch me so I can make sure that I’m not dreaming that all of my dreams have not only come true, but, landed in my lap like a drunken hooker hitting the tiles in Charlie Sheen’s bathroom!

BLAP!

It gets better.

Really.

I swear.

“Please be our guest... you will be glad you did!

* Girlfriend time
* Chat with Sharron
* Learn some new make-up tips & techniques
* Find out about an amazing revolutionary
skin care line
(guaranteed to take 55% of your fine lines and wrinkles away in 8 weeks!) NO kidding!
* Free gift for all who attend
Sounds fun, right? I think so too!
See you there!”

Girlfriend time with La Loca?

Chat moments with The Child of The Corn from The Village of The Damned?

All this AND free grub, gift bags (NRA pot holders, please God!) and sharing makeup tips with the one woman I have NEVER ASSOCIATED with anything more glamorous than a tractor pull in Pahrump!

This is DELISH!

Sweet Jesus, what have I done to deserve this?

All of my fretting that Sharron “Why no, I am stupid. Thank you for asking.” Angle was going to come back all Mighty Mouse to save the day for the Nevada Tea Party has come to this?

A live infomercial that even Holly Madison probably said no to?

Aiyee, how bad is that if Holly turns your shit down?

She banged Heff!

Fret no more.

Sharron’s back and she’s just one of the girls next door!

From the last subdivision in Hell.

You KNOW you can’t miss this.

Can you?

Just in case:

An evening with Joni Rogers-Kante, Founder & CEO of
SeneGence International,
featuring Makeup & Skincare Experts Jeri Taylor-Swade & Amber London
and special guest
Sharron Angle, former candidate for US Senate
Friday night, Jan. 21, 2011
6:00 - 8:30 pm
Held at the beautiful, modern, Meet Conference Center
233 South 4th Street
Las Vegas, NV 89101
MeetLasVegasConventionCenter

See you there!

OFF THE STRIP WORTH THE TRIP: SATAY MALAYSIAN GRILLE

So sick Moi has been lately.

Oy.

And.

Vey.

In addition to fighting off a cold could only be God's revenge for my years without a moral compass ('06-'09,) I am now also getting rid of the weight gained during my Glam period ('09-'10).

The extra 73lbs I managed to add to my already voluptuous frame is no longer cuddly.

It's just gross.

Of course I have figured out a way to satisfy my need for attention whilst losing copious amounts of flab.

Of course.

Moi is the new Gay face of TRIMCARE Medical Weight Loss program.

It was only a matter of time.

Sooner or later it was gonna be going all Jennifer Hudson or opening supermarkets in Henderson.

But, Holly Madison has that market all to herself.

Hmph.

So.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

I was fat, sick and hungry.

That brings us to Satay Malaysian Grille.

Really.

I swear.

As I lay reinterpreting the deathbed scene from Camille, The Candidate called and suggested I leave the confines of The GayBoyClub to find the nourishment I so obviously needed.

Whilst not effing up my diet.

Of course.

Well.

Nothing seemed more appealing than some flavorful and spicy Tom Yum soup ($9.50-12.50) at Satay Malaysian Grille.

Nothing.

Moi likes a place where everybody knows my name and Satay is that type of place. The whole vibe is laid back and friendly. You can roll in feeling your worst or be on a first date all shaved up and you're always treated like a friend regardless. And while the view of the parking lot isn't much, Satay does offer outdoor seating in addition to your normal dining room set up. My fave spot to chillax here is the ultra lounge looking area at the rear of the restaurant that's perfect for getting together with a group of friends to order everything on the appetizer menu over a few hours.

My goal was soup and the Tom Yum did not fail me. Unlike my not so fave, Lotus of Siam, the cooks here understand that spicy doesn't have to mean everyone at the table should be crying like a 16 year old at her eighth screening of Black Swan. I asked for it to be cooked at level 7 and it cleared my nose while still leaving my palate intact.

The Candidate ordered a big bowl of meaty Oxtail soup ($11.95) that had plenty of meat to keep him busy for the entire meal. Being the bad friend that he is, The Candidate also ordered probably my two favorite appetizers on Earth, Salt and Pepper Shrimp ($7.95) and Scallops wrapped in Bacon ($6.95).

I whipped out my Android Calorie Counter and got to figuring. Luckily, I was still way under my allotted calories for the day and therefore, Moi dived in like a Pimp at bus station.

The Shrimps are lightly coated and perfectly fried. The seasoning is exactly right. You taste the salt and pepper just enough to miss it as the taste disappears down your palate. The shrimp are as perfectly cooked as any fried shrimp ever has been. Delicate, yet firm enough that they don't break apart when you try and just eat a tiny bit at a time because you never want that plate to be empty.

The Scallops manage to be light and well cooked even while the Bacon is cooked exactly to the point where it still has a meaty texture and is also perfectly crispy. On two skewers of four, this concoction will be my first cheat day meal when I've finally hit my goal weight.

Of course I avoided the Roti bread with Curry dipping sauce($5.50) and Lumpia ($5.50) The Candidate also ordered. I'm nothing if not determined and strong of will. In my fat and I don't care days I've tasted both so I feel pretty safe telling you about them. The Roti is always a hit whenever I've hosted groups at Satay. The curry sauce is nice and light with a tiny bit of after kick. The Lumpia, on the other hand, is just like Lumpia everywhere. I will never understand what people see in Lumpia that is not made by someone's boyfriend's Mom.

Of course Satay has all of the usual vittles you would expect in a South East Asian restaurant and you're safe with anything you order. I will suggest that you let the kitchen decide for you and just enjoy the flavor ride. They also have a really great Happy Hour menu from 3-6pm everyday and big screen TV's if you wanna kick it with friends and watch "The Game" (I have no idea what that means).

SATAY MALAYSIAN GRILLE

Everyday: 11 a.m. - 11 p.m.
Late Night Friday & Saturday 2 a.m.+

SATAY Thai Bistro & Bar
3900 Paradise Rd, Suite N
Las Vegas, NV 89169

702-369-8788

www.sataylasvegas.com

PEOPLE THAT INTEREST ME

PACO ALVAREZ (Because he can say "Museologist" and mean it)
HELENA BONHAM CARTER (Because she just doesn't give a bloody fuck)
EDUARDO CORDOVA (No one is nicer)
NATHANIEL PHILLIPS (The Activist Wears H&M and has written the new Vegas anthem)
KYLIE KARDASHIAN (Expanding the brand)
THE SITUATION (Have YOU turned your abs and bad haircuts into $$$?)
KELLY MCFARLANE-SMITH (She's a classy dame)
NAOMI AT THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY HQ (One day I'll need her to put a cigarette out on someone for me)
CHRISTINE KRAMER (Date nights in Vegas don't get any better)
ANGELA ESLER-WHELAN (She doesn't have to. But. She does)
MICHAEL CORNTHWAITE (Uh, when did he get all hot?)
SAM CHERRY (BadAss)
PAZ DE LA HUERTA (Because she returned a borrowed gown and seriously doesn't know how it got torn)
ADRIENNE MALOOF (Does she already have a Gay? I'm SO available)
WES MYLES (The OG Bitchez)

PEOPLE I HAVE NO INTEREST IN

PEOPLE DON’T THAT INTEREST ME

HOLLY MADISON (Her “Gay” is REALLY annoying)
ROBIN LEACH (Still?!?)
THE HOMELESS GUY WITH THE VOICE IN REHAB (My surprise underwhelms me)
DJ PAULY D (Don’t get me wrong, I’d bang him)
ANYONE FROM MAD MEN (Enough already)
MARIAH CAREY (She is less annoying fat, but, still…)
CELEBRITY CHEFS (Dude, it’s not that serious)
WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH (Okay, God Hates Fags, but did you know that Jesus was a top?)
BRIAN SANDOVAL (Does he really interest anyone? I’m hoping a lame sex scandal soon)
RYAN SEACREST (Just doesn’t)
KIM KARDASHIAN (LOVE Khloe and the other one)
ANYONE ON GOSSIP GIRL (Line them all up side to side and you still don’t have three ounces of ass)

SUNDANZE WITH KELLY ROWLAND PRESENTED BY EDUARDO CORDOVA AT JET!

If you know Moiself (and you do), you are aware that I only leave my lair for the best of the best.

Smashburger.

Movies with talking animals.

Red Carpets with D-List celebutantes.

Throwing eggs at Christina Aguilera’s house.

But. You knew all that.

Right?

Right.

Well.

One of the main things to get me to leave the comforts of The GayBoyClub is any event that has the cutest of the cute promoters attached to it.

Do I even need say that the promoter with the mostest is the bearer of the best dimples this side of my fat ass, Eduardo Cordova?

Oh. TMI?

Where was I?

Oh. Yeah.

Eduardo Cordova and his dimples. That is what we were talking about right?

Oh. No.

We were talking about how E to the C always puts on the best events on The Strip for Boys who Bang Boys, Girls who aren’t afraid of carpets and all those in between.

Really.

I swear.

Tonite Eduardo keeps the New Years spirit rockin’ with SUNDANZE at Jet! It’s the beginning of a new decade and Eduardo is getting this party started right with KELLY ROWLAND!!!

O. M. G.

No!

Yes!

In addition the Go Gos will be Go Going scantily clad on those things they Go Go on!

The Muzak will be jammed into your aural cavities by Dj Michael Paul out of El Lay and Superstar DJ Tracy Young from El Apple Grande!

Did I mention that there will be special dance acts to go along with all that Go Going?

Well there will be!

Bitch.

Can I ask you a question?

Why are you still reading this? Shouldn’t you be gluing in tracks and arranging a designated driver right about now?

Shouldn’t you?

The fun begins at 1030pm TONITE and goes until the room starts spinning and you ask the guy you’re talking to, “have I ever woke up at your house before?”

That’s always when it’s time to leave.

Just so you know.

Well.

Stop bothering me!

Go get your track on and get over to SUNDANZE presented by Eduardo Cordova! While you’re there, look at those dimples.

Then, think of mine.


SUNDANZE

3400 S. Las Vegas Blvd., Las Vegas, NV 89109

BUY TICKETS NOW:
http://lightgroup.com/sundanze/

FOR RESERVATIONS CALL 702-792-7900
DOORS @ 10:30PM | PROPER ATTIRE REQUIRED

SPECIAL ROOM RATES: CALL 1-800-627-6667
PROMO CODE: SUNDANZE

SUNDANZE - FIRST SUNDAY OF EVERY MONTH - INSIDE JET NIGHTCLUB

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