Monday, November 22, 2010


Being from a little village in the suburban San Gabriel Valley, just 19 miles and 20 years from Los Angeles, I know my burgers.

I also know my fair share of Cholas. But. That's another story.


You see, the famed hamburger joint "In N Out" was born just up the rode from Mi casa in West Covina in El Barrio de Baldwin Park.

Nothing else of note ever came out of Baldwin Park.


"In N Out" is hands down everyone's fave burger emporium. If you've ever eaten there while, how you say, tipsy, you know what I mean. There's nothing quite like one of their vanilla shakes washing fries down your drunken throat whilst dripping burger juice onto your lap.

And of course, no one who knows "In N Out" orders from the menu.

Of course.

Nope. If you're truly in the know, you order all manner of secret, off the menu specialty burgers.


Sorry my old "In N Out" amigo, you have been replaced in my life by the new kid on the block. No. Not those white trash dudes from Jersey, or, wherever they're from.

I'm talking Smashburger.


Recently opened in in my new village of Las Vegas, Smashburger is my new fave delicious treat between two buns.

Well. You know what I mean.

For the price of the "Six Dollar Burger" at Carl's Jr you can treat yourself to what is easily the tastiest, juiciest slab of meat covered in egg, bacon and super thin, crispy fried onions (The Sin City Burger). You can also create your own version of a heart attack by just ordering whatever the hell you want

Like a little spice on your meat?

Heh. Heh.

If heat is your game, grab a "Spicy Baja" with pepper jack cheese, guacamole and a muy good-o chipotle mayo. And, no matter what, make sure you order some fried pickles and sweet potato fries.


There are other things to order at Smashburger, by the way. What they are, I don't know. I love the burgers so much, I can't seem to get to that side of the menu.


I swear.

If it's get your grub on time, find your way to the nearest (or furthest, it's that good!) Smashburger pronto! It's "Off The Strip, Worth The Trip" fo sho!


# 1. Las Vegas
W. Lake Mead Blvd & Buffalo Dr.
7541 W. Lake Mead Blvd.

# 2. Las Vegas
S Fort Apache Rd. & W Sahara Ave.
9101 W. Sahara

# 3. Las Vegas
Centennial Center Blvd. & W Ann Rd
5655 Centennial Center Blvd.


Some people are summer types who wear the tight, deep V-necks from American Apparel and skinny jeans in My Little Pony colors.

I hate those skinny bitches.


I swear.

I, being of a more “Rubenesque” build, prefer the luxury of layering through the Fall Fashion season. This fall there are some great menswear collections and ways of tying together your look from high end to low end. Your budget (or, lack thereof.) is no longer a reason for one to not be stylish.

In addition to the fab collections, there are some truly horrid looks that simply must be stopped before I end up on “8News Now” for attacking people at The Fashion Show Mall.

Who wants that?


I ask.


Let’s start with a look at some of my fave brands this season.

First up is PRADA.

Let’s be honest, for far too long, PRADA tried to make everyone into an early 70’s Stewardess. It was funny. For two seasons. Then it got rather trite. This year PRADA has matured with Hair Cut 100 Sweaters under Camel Hair coats with luxurious Fleece lapels. Camel and Navy are the colors that manage a midway point between “too classic and too edgy” to enable the collection to be worn for more than one season without looking “last year”. Red and Yellow make none too subtle, yet, non-cartoony appearances as well in everything from big plaids to sturdy Macintoshes. For those of you who think of black as an everyday thing, check out the shiny leather driving coats with lush knit collars in the accompanying video, it’s a “MUST HAVE”!

Jeans now have movement instead of clinging to you like Saran Wrap on Iggy Pop. Adult,not, Mommy Jeans! Woo Hoo! “The newest thing in fashion today are clothes that you can wear and that real and sophisticated people can understand”, says Prada’s namesake designer Miuccia.

With Belted Cardigans and sleek Black pants leading the collection, methinks Miuccia has hit the proverbial nail squarely on the noggin.


Marcus Lambkin lives in a Schloss (That's Castle to you.) and is married to the spawn of Counts & Countesses. He also fronts a Krazy Krautsound band called, "Shit Robot". His past includes stints being an apprentice cabinet maker (a boy needs a trade.)and DJ'ing in the hippper than thou clubs of New York.

City, that is.

His debut CD "Cradle To The Rave" is a melange of Krautsound and Lower Eastside white boy Electro beats. His sound is retro, but, not in a cloying "Fanny Pack" sorta way. It's like being in the best basement club in a dodgy 'hood in 1984.

Of course I would have been, oh, six or seven at the time so I'm just imagining.


I swear.

Debut track "Tuff Enuff" is funkified getting ready to go out and cause some mayhem music to the nth degree. Like a beat heavy Bong rip of really good Kush, it hits you right where they used to do lobotomy's.


Check it out!

Saturday, November 20, 2010


Occasionally, Moiself has been known to tip back a glass of Potato juice.





The Holidays are upon us, and you know what that means.

Don’t you?

No, not fights over Mommy issues.

No, not a couch full of fat farting uncles with their pants open from having gorged on dark meats and sweet potato pie.

No, Mon cheri. No.



Well. Master Mixologist Nick Mautone has created a simply brilliant way to celebrate the Holidays with two of my fave ingredients: Grey Goose Vodka & Sweet Potatoes!


I swear.

So. Let Mom fight with Aunt Carol and pretend not to notice that Uncle Joe is telling that same story about a hooker in Singapore after some war.

Yet. Again.

Scoot past Grandma and grab some handy Holiday ingredients and make yourself (and your cool stoner cousin Sarah who just got out of rehab. Again.) a nice tumbler of Nick Mautone’s “Grey Goose L'Orange Sweet Indulgence”.

Gobble. Gobble.

Recipe courtesy of

Grey Goose L'Orange Sweet Indulgence
1 ½ parts Grey Goose L'Orange Flavored Vodka
½ part Vanilla Brandy or Liqueur
1 part lime juice
¼ part maple or simple syrup
¼ part molasses
1 tbsp roasted or mashed sweet potato

In the bottom of a cocktail shaker, place the syrup, molasses and sweet potato. Muddle gently. Add the ice and the remaining ingredients. Shake vigorously. Double-strain into a tumbler and garnish.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


RACHEL WENMAN’S 25th Birthday! 944 Magazine Snitch performance by AMANDA BLANK!

Its my Chickie Girl Rachel Wenman’s 25th bday and the hizzouse will be kicking out the jams with Dj88 and M!KEATTACK. This is going to be the most insane party I promise you have ever been to (not me, you, don’t get it twisted). 944 magazine will be sponsoring the event as well, muy tastyiosa free drinks and rooms rates so low you don’t have to go back to your Mom’s place if you hook up. You can have a sleepover! COMPED ENTRY FOR ALL OF RACHEL WENMAN’S GUESTS!

HERE’S MISS AMANDA BLANK ! If you’re nice, she “Might Like You Better”!

The PlayBoy Club
Palms Resort & Casino
4321 West Flamingo Road Las Vegas,
NV 89103

LIKE SKATING ON THIN ICE? Check this deal out!

Moiself has oft been known to "come close to the edge", "grate on the last..","if you___with me one more time.." And "..on thin ice Missy!"


I swear.


Thin ice or thick (ooh, dirty), there is a great deal going on that you have only 13 hours left to take advantage of to get your Tonya Harding on.

Skate on over (Ugh, that was beneath me. Speaking of beneath me, where's the dog?) to Moi's fave place to score a deal (No, not those scary streets behind the Stratosphere!),"LIVING SOCIAL presents Las Vegas" and click on to one of the best deals in town.

For a mere $17 (US) you and three of your teamlettes can get skates and entry to The Las Vegas Ice Center!

It's true!

Just sign up with "LIVING SOCIAL presents Las Vegas" for this and a whole gaggle of holiday savings!

Here's how:

LIVING SOCIAL presents Las Vegas

Las Vegas Ice Center
9295 W. Flamingo Rd., Suite 130
Las Vegas, NV 89147
(702) 320-7777

Now, grab your spangled tankini and skate Bitch! Skate!

Friday, November 12, 2010



Starring: A bunch of really pissed off Strong and Angry Black Women. Gender Neutral Oscar winner Whoopi Goldberg.

What It's About: In a nutshell. All Black men exist simply to get on a Sistah's nerves.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: Two. Words. Lorena Bobbit.


Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Jamie "Black Dudes With Iphones" Fox, Juliette "You Fuckers just thought my career was over! Drink my crazy juice fuckers!" Lewis, some white girl and that hairy guy that white guy hipsters think is really funny, but, isn't to anyone who can't quote The Big Lebowski.

I'm proud to say that I can't.

Quote The Big Lebowski.

That is.

What It's About: Have you ever seen ANY "odd couple buddy" movies? Someone's wife is about to spew forth progeny (who knew Robert Downey Jr. still had any sober sperm left?). Along the way The Sperminator meets up with that hella annoying hairy dude (no, not that Phoenix freak.) and hilarity ensues.

No it doesn't.


Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: I don't like hairy people and Juliette Lewis scares me worse than John Wayne Gacey Clown portraits.


Starring: A bunch of really annoying white boys.

What It's About: Attaching things to other dudes ball sacs and not thinking it's totally homo to be doing it.

Why I Have No Intention Of Seeing It: It's totally homo.


I like to pride myself on my ability to tell what's on a person's mind.


I swear.

For example; if I am on a date at a Steakhouse and I am looking at the right side of the menu where the Surf & Turf is, I know my date is thinking, "WTF! How much is this gonna cost me!?"


If I am eyeballing a pair of striped trousers, the salesgirl is more than likely thinking, "Really? Are you kidding me, or, yourself thinking about putting all that in those?"



There's a man coming back to our little village Las by the name of Alain Nu and he's even better at the whole "I know what you're thinking" thing than even Moiself.

“My show challenges the mind to explore how we are all strangely connected through a mysterious energy,” said Alain Nu.

I have no idea what that means, but, ooooh.

Alain Nu has performed for Al Gore and at Presidential Inaugural Balls. He is also one of the hottest new releases over at Amazon with his new page turner,“Picture Your ESP! — Reveals Your Hidden Powers with The Nu ESP Test”. The Washington Post wrote of Alain,"To watch him is to throw out all the rules of physics. Time and space are malleable in Nu′s deft hands".

Oh. My.

“Nothing is impossible in my world,” says Alain Nu. “Think about it. With just our thoughts and words as tools of visualization, we have the beginnings of untold power.”


Yeah, I don't know what that means either, but, this is one way out Cat for sure!

While he is reluctant to reveal his especially sensitive powers, Alain Nu acknowledges that his uncanny effects incorporate elements of probability, psychology, suggestion, professional techniques and good timing.

Ooooh, sounds like fun!

Well. I have no idea what you are doing on Saturdays during Alain Nu's exclusive Las Vegas run (What? I'm not getting paid to read YOUR mind!), but, I do know that you are wasting a perfectly good Saturday night if you aren't checking out Alain Nu at his "Invisible Connections" ESP show at the historic Clarion Hotel for the next six weeks.

Wasting. A. Perfectly. Good. Saturday. Night. I. Say.

So. Get out your wig hat and your high heel sneakers and plush on down to the show at The Clarion Hotel & Casino, 305 Convention Center Drive. Doors open at 9:40 p.m. and cocktail service will be available before and during the performance.

Tickets are $54.99 General Admission and $65.99 VIP Seating. Tickets and more information are available online at www.TheManWhoKnows.TV

Invisible Connections starring Alain Nu
The Clarion Hotel
305 Convention Center Drive (just off the Strip)
Saturdays @ 10pm

See you there.


I know what you're thinking.