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Friday, March 26, 2010
MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING
It's another weekend here in the Cite Le Sin.
And what does that mean kiddies?
No. Not meth and Campbell's Soup.
Unless it's the Classic.
It's Movie time!
Well, let me save you a few ducats and guide you away from the dreckiest of the dreck.
To whit: MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING
THE BOUNTY HUNTER Starring: The chick from Friends. The Gay guy from that one Gladiator movie who I would do.
Why I won't be seeing it: Ok, look. The chick from Friends just aint a movie star. She aint got "It". Simple. Fer chrissakes, she did that dog movie and he stole all of her scenes. If he had been willing to do a nude he could have just done her role entirely. That Gay is hot in a totally doucheville for beginners sorta way. But. He couldn't act his way out of a parking ticket with his shirt off in West Hollywood.
AVATAR Starring: The Smurfs Why I won't be seeing it: I don't live in my mom's basement.
REMEMBER ME Starring: That guy who isn't very cute but no one will say so out loud from those awful Vampire movies that I totally don't get but then I have actually had sex with someone other than my dad. Some white girl
Why I won't be seeing it: Wtf is up with this new crop of nobodies that H'wood keeps foisting on us? There's that one jailbait dude who has eyes so close together he looks like Futurama (nice tits though). And this Patinson freak. His hair could go solo and he would be missed less than Andrew Rigidly(or whatever his name was. And who knew George Michael would end up a nasty ole crack head looking for ween in bathrooms at the park? But. I digress.). I don't even know whatthis movie is about and I hate it. The poster makes me want to go to Borders and just beat the living hell out the girl who stocks the "Romance" section. Btw, Sweetheart, that genero-Fabio is not going to suddenly come to life and start liking fat chicks if you paw the cover long enough. Yeah, I saw that. Euw.