Friday, September 10, 2010

MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND


MOVIES I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SEEING THIS WEEKEND

I’M STILL HERE


Starring:
The dirty currently living Phoenix brother.

What it’s About:
Who the fuck cares or knows? I had the distinct displeasure of standing outside of LAVO one night waiting for the lumpy currently living Phoenix to come out to give a “statement” on his new “career” as a “rapper”. Having an Oscar at home I wondered why this fat hairy tool was making “Malibu’s Most Wanted part Deux”? When Schlomo finally appeared, I noticed the distinct smell of wasting my muthafuckin’ time in the air.

Wrong, I was not.

Let’s get something straight here.

A line you won’t here from moiself all that often.

But, I digress.

Where was I?

Oh. Yes.

To be perfectly honest, the only member of the Phoenix clan that was even slightly interesting is the one who ate the curb outside of the Viper Room in ’93. Not the broad, Rainwater, Landslide, whatever the fuck her name is. Not the youngest one. And certainly not this one. Why would I want to spend over 10 minutes of my breathing time ,let alone what’s probably going to feel like 3 months in a car with a Blonde FOX news anchor experiencing this “mockumentary”?

I have much better things to do.

Much.

GOING THE DISTANCE


Starring:
Drew Barrymore and Justin Long

What It’s About:
Who cares, I have a penis.

THE LAST EXORCISM


Starring:
Miley Cyrus, Screech from “Saved by The Bell”, Felipe Calderon and Betty White.

What It’s About:
White trash wannabe Miley Cyrus is inexplicably drawn to bad boy Screech (in his first non porn role since Celebrity Fat Rehab). Her Grandmother (Betty White) calls on the services of her ex pimp Felipe Calderon to perform an exorcism ,or, if that doesn’t work, put her on The Stroll so she can start “payin’ some bills up in this bitch. I turned my first trick at half her age!”

Miley and Schreech end up turning out Calderon, who will forever have to live down his nude scene (was it THAT cold on set?) with Screech.

Ok, I’m making this shit up.

But, honestly, wouldn’t you rather sit through my version than the crapfest you know this pile of Ca Ca is?

1 comment:

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