Monday, November 23, 2009


Let's face it, Bimmers are the car you're going to see the most of at any "Ladies Drink Free" nightclub from the Jersey Shore to Henderson. For whatever reason, BMW has cornered the market on Douchemobiles.

If you're a Douche (and , be honest, you know if you are), here's what the BMW folks have for you in 2010.


What is it?

The starter Douchemobile for Guidos whose Daddy won't pay child support because they don't want their exes using it on poolboys.

Or Cage Fighters.


What is it?

This is THE Douchemobile! You aren't even in the running for lead Douche until you've had a DUI in one of these overpriced, overrated penis enhancers.


What is it?

The car your sister's dork Dr. boyfriend drives. You hate him.


What is it?

Your Douche Dad's Douchemobile. He bought it cause his ass is too fat to get in and out of a 3-Series.

But not too fat to climb under his new girlfriend you're banging.

The X's

What are they?

The X Series are the Ultimate Dumbass Duouche Experience. What? You're going 4 wheeling at T.I.? Need extra space for your Ed Hardy T's? Need a place to throw your faded Brah after a night at Poetry?


The X3 is so stupid we won't bother. If you have one of these, give back your "I Heart Brody" shirt.

X5: See X3

There's a special place in Hell for you if you drive an X6. It's like a Pontiac Aztek juiced on a 3 Series and had this Mongoloid Monstrosity.

There a reason Great Danes don't bang Chihuahuas.

2010 5-Series Gran Turismo

What is it?

LOL! DUDE! No way! WTF?!?!?!

Feels like a pump, looks like a limp wanger.

I'm at a bit of a loss as to who exactly wants a HATCHBACK 5-Series. 3rd wives? Circus Clowns who get paid union wages? People who believe that ugly truly is in the eyes of the beholder? Slutty Grandmothers?

I have to stop, my stomach hurts.


What is it?

THE Gouche (Gay Douche)sled for hair "Stylists" at the best "Salon" in the Mall.

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